Back to stay

Whoopy doo...look at you!

Very welcome on your continued journey to better life and jist look how many benefits g free life gives huh! You're soooo worth it! Reap them hun & enjoy!

Just for today stay safe!

Xx

Thanks SB yep going to reap the benefits 🙂 hope your ok x

19 days gf!

Had good day today even though I had bad night with my eye stinging and hurting as something was in it and must have scratched my eye too but eventually got it out by rinsing loads but it had nearly swollen shut this morning but as days gone on it’s better. Boat sale man came round took photos etc and it’s now up for sale and we will hopefully be moving back into house again closer to family and friends. I think that’s been part of my problem well I know it has, escape from worry over my son not being close enough to help him more etc. Also despite it being a close community here and I’ve made good friends I’ve often felt lonely and bored. I can’t work anymore hours than what I do because of my health issues so course more time on hands. But! Now I’ve started my course and I’m really looking forward to being close to family especially my son again. Also my grandson and granddaughter who don’t live with my son and have different mums! Fractioned family but family all the same. Looking forward to 20 days gf tonight, no urges today which is relief after the urges I’ve been having! Peace restored thankfully....until the next urges. Best wishes everyone x

Well done Lulu, sounds good about moving closer family. My mum is only a few weeks from their house sale going through to move nearer me too. I moved 30miles away with my sister 2 years ago and she hates being away. Take it easy your doing it, just need to repeat what you've done for the last 19 days =)

Hi sjw ah that’s good for you and your mum, I hate it being too far away from my son especially as he’s needed me these past couple years. Even just so he can nip round for some reassurance well hopefully he soon will be able too. Also my mum and dad are round there and they aren’t getting any younger. So it’ll hopefully be a good move plus I’ll be able to have a soak in a bath as only got a half bath at mo just hope narrow boat sells. Best of wishes sjw x

Three weeks tonight! Chuffed to bits but had gambling thoughts late last night and this morning, there was a danger point when that site I’d emailed to self exclude me wouldn’t do it as apparently I had to send the email from the registered email address even though I’d put in all the information in the email that wasn’t sent from the email address I registered with, I was fuming as it still left door open which I’m sure is what they wanted so immediately sent email back (just replied to theirs as quicker) and threatened them with gambling commission. They’ve now self excluded me! They knew I’m sure that that period of leaving my account open was extremely dangerous for me and we’re probably hoping I’d put in shitloads of money due to my addiction but I didn’t even though there was the opportunity as I hated them that much for making it so difficult for me to help myself. I know it’s still my choice and responsibility but when you get some sites that use delaying tactics when you ask to self exclude it makes me so angry. I’d put every single bit of information in and stressed I had a serious problem so it should have been done straight away not leaving that window of opportunity open to me. Just so glad I was determined enough. I hate the gambling industry I really do. Rant over hope everyone good

No further gambling thoughts just realised that even if they’d left that account open I’ve got k9 on my laptop too so couldn’t have gambled anyway but I was thinking I could. That episode has reinforced my determination to stay stopped and I’ll fight the wobbles as and when they come no more gambling for me, the more time goes by the more I can’t believe how bad I was, I first joined here in 2015 and have relapsed so many times, no more, live and learn. Even though I’ve obviously struggled for three years since it got so bad to come on here I’ve had gamble free time and learnt from that time. I can now wake up every morning not having that sick feeling and worry and anxiety how I was going to manage for money. I’m calmer, more at peace, peace is nice. No more mood swings, no more feeling suicidal. I do regret not having stopped before now but that regret is something I’ll deal with, like the regret over the amount of money I’ve blown. Regrets are worthless, learning by them is priceless. Feel contemplative tonight! Stay gf everyone

Lulubobs1966 wrote:

Regrets are worthless, learning by them is priceless

Hi Lulubobs1966 - that beautifully simple and truthful line is just what I needed to read tonight. I was dragging my heels over my last relapse, feeling all mopey about it, but now I'm going to see it as something I will learn by. Something I have to learn by.

I'm glad you're determined fight this and are now enjoying that wonderful sense of peace a gamble free life gives. It beggars belief why we think gambling is worth it, when we know how much better life is without it.

Hi Equinox ah so glad that helped you 🙂 the peace is amazing compared to what I used to be like when gambling. We can do this Equinox get our lives back best of wishes Lulu x

21 days, 3 weeks! I can feel myself starting to get back to a normal way of thinking feeling and being, just a glimmer but there all the same. I’ve spent so long on the rollercoaster, mind numbing haze of gambling think I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be that way. It’s hard to describe what that glimmer was the best way to describe it is normality. Recovery is a lifetime process I think. Like ppl have said after one month roughly it starts getting easier that must be what that glimmer was too. I’m probably not making much sense as it’s so hard to describe what I felt but feeling that has given me even more determination to stay gf as I want to feel that natural joy of living again and again. I hate compulsive gambling it takes so much more from us than money. Here’s to one month gf but I’m taking it one day at a time.

One thing bugs me, was there a point where I should’ve thought ‘hang on your wanting gambling a bit too much, your thinking about it too much’ if so I really don’t know when that time was. I can remember being able to leave off gambling no compulsion but not when it became a danger point. I’d say for the last 5 years it’s consumed me. It really is a progressive disease. I’m thinking this way as have strong thoughts, not urges though today. Sick of it consuming my thoughts, distraction I think take my beautiful dog for a nice walk. When did it become impossible to stop?

Hi Lulu, you are doing so very well, so pleased to check in and see you writing things down and expressing yourself. Haven't got the answers I am afraid about this complex illness/addiction, just so, so important we don't let it ruin our lives any longer, we have to abstain and maintain at all costs.

Wishing you well my friend

Wilsy x

Hi Wilsey my friend thank you it feels good. I tend to waffle lol but it helps to offload. Best of wishes Wilsey x

22 days chuffed! The thoughts of gambling are receding again and the peace is priceless. Got paid my small wages today and not in the slightest bit tempted to gambling. It feels great to know that my hard worked for money won’t be wasted this time and I can pay my debts with some left over. Best of wishes everyone stay gf x