Battling today with the demons

Had lovely but tiring day at farm park with family. Lots of walking! Had good news about action being taken Tomo about nutty neighbour an as was awake till 5 am as she had threatened to do something at night, am more than ready for bath an early night. Still can't go into my garden until morning as know neighbour will kick off an too tired to cope with other. Haven't thought about gambling today an any spam mail ref gambling has been deleted without even looking. Doesn't seem to be a watershed ref advertising bingo? Suppose cos of cable t v no rules for them. Pity as even half the soaps seem to be sponsored by bingo sites. Wonder what Mary Whitehouse would have done lol.

Take care all Mary

Neighbour issue over as now sectioned. I have gone thro a year of abuse an erratic behaviour an not an excuse but didn't make it easier not to console myself with gambling.

Will sleep well tonight'. And no gambling thoughts. Take care all Mary

Just been checking my bank balance an chuffed despite all the treats I have paid for this week an last, it's healthier from point of view that had I carried on gambling it would be going down an I would not have felt in the mood for going out or the time for my family as would have been immersed in the gambling world on my laptop. Reminding myself everyday of benefits of staying away from those destructive slots. Take care all Mary

What a glorious day of sunshine. Washing out on line an feel like a kid in a sweet shop as couldn't do that with abusive neighbour. Had fleeting background thoughts about gambling but gone. Nothing to do with blocks in place just don't want those horrible feelings to come back. Going to car boot laters with my little puppy.

Kept myself busy today. Car boot then gardening and shopping. Should have been a good day but feeling all insecure an not sure why. Oh well roll on Tomo as every day is different. Take care all Mary

Another busy day. Clearing out shed, garden so tired. Still feeling insecure but no gambling. Realise would only take a weak moment so keeping myself in check everyday. Take care all Mary

Another positive day. Am liking those lol and kept busy again. Got son in law an grandson to get lots of bags of pebbles to do front then other odd jobs so very fruitful day all round. Am aching but no thoughts of gambling so all good. Take care all Mary

Hi Mary,

Well done on your gamble free days, you are doing fine,

Positivity is a great key to have,

Luv the pic of your doggie.

Keep going

Suzanne xxx

Thank you Suzanne. Yes she is a little cuty an very naughty lol. But think she is helping with the no gambling as only her an me at home an she is very demanding. Plays up when I am on laptop or mobile. Woke up tired as didn't sleep very well. Reminded me of staying up too late on lappy gambling an vowed to go to bed early like I have been as feel much better when have decent sleep. Bored today yet have plenty could do but can't be bothered. Certainly right about roller coaster of emotions. So chilling watching Still Alice which is probs not right film to watch in my mood but absolutely brilliant acting but so so sad. Take care all Mary

Feeling very tearful today. Must stop feeling sorry for myself. Would have found consolation from gambling before so admit am missing it but NOT going to give in as when I felt down an gambled I would always lose an feel no better! So no point undoing my gamble free days for the sake of oh sorry me day! Film finished an have swept drive so me thinks it best to go out

Can't shake off this depressive mood. Very dangerous for me 🙁

Mary,

These moods don't last, they come and go, it's all the fallout of that hideous addiction, that's why I call this my rollercoaster ride, they will lesson as your recovery journey continues, honest Hun, I know it's S***e at the time,

As I said you are doing fine, push through this, you will feel stronger tomorrow, we are stronger than we think, don't give in to utter madness, because that is really all gambling is, and at the end of the day, we are gambling with our lives and our loved ones.

Sending you strong and positive thoughts, take it one minute at a time if need be, just think how you will feel tomorrow,

Take care and stay strong

Suzanne xxx

thank you Suzanne for caring whilst you battling too. Those Demons were surely trying their hardest to batter down my door today! am off to bed and hoping for a good night sleep as find that helps me with the next days battle. take care Mary

Have woke up with the sunshine an feeling bit better. Have doctors later. I have come to realise I have always used my gambling as a crutch. "Ooh such a bad day" head for the lappy. "I hate you" head for the lappy "my life sucks" "life's not fair" "I deserve to after what I put up with" blahblah so not surprised my brain finds it hard to ignore those signals it sends out as it associates stress with the need for that adrenaline pain killer that I used to get playing bingo or slots.

so know I need to disassociate these links but not sure yet what to replace them with. Any ideas for stress coping happily received.

Take care Mary

Hi Mary thanks for your post. Yeah nightshift can make your life topsy turvy but its only till my youngest starts school so just 4 years to go.

I read your posts from yesterday and you where not having a great day. Least now yesterday is gone and.you are still gamble free so well done.