Battling today with the demons

Hi Mary,

Brilliant going on your days, keep going and keep winning, you are doing just fine.

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Thank u Suzanne. I have stopped noticing the days now, as just waking up an no urges but Sod's law they always lurking lol so won't get complacent. Been putting up foliage an trellis to keep nuisance neighbour out an rearranging garden for maximum privacy an pleased with result. Am sat in bath so hope don't drop mobile in with the bubbles lol. Thunder expected tonight so might not sleep too well as always scared me! An not sure how my puppy will react although I let her sleep on bottom of bed as luckily she doesn't moult. Just ordered 3 pairs of shoes an they came to 32pds. It's when I put things in perspective that I realise what a bloody waste of money gambling was. So take care all. Am off to dog show tomorrow so woof woof lol

Hope puppy was not too frightened last night, my doggie was not bothered, it was IH who woke up and could not go back to sleep ohh Lol.

Have a lovely day with doggie at the show, woof woof indeed

Suzanne xxx

Hi Mary, thanks for dropping by 🙂

How did you get on @ the doggy show? Our mutt won a rosette last year & we have our proud pictures everywhere!

We spent time @ Weston as kids but I don't remember it @ all so the Sea must have been out then too coz I remember all the beaches I shivered on 😉 For what it's worth, avoiding the amusements is completely possible...You have the choice whether you walk into them or not & you can't gamble from outside! If you are really worried, do what GT did & get them to send you self exclusion forms now so you can bar yourself beforehand!

Stay on your guard & keep winning - ODAAT

Hi Odaat, thank you x. Did enter puppy for prettiest eyes but to be fair her fur covers thems lol but she won in my eyes!! it was nice afternoon out with family. Have just found out can take puppy with me so all good as wont be tempted as cant go in with her anyways so will be heading for the fish and chip shop and sit outside to eat them yum and maybe some nice walks on beach and if lucky a paddle in the sea lol.

Am off to dentist shortly as tooth broke yuk. will be back laters. take care

Mary x

Well I am not happy with myself. Thankfully didnt gamble last night but wanted to and if didnt have K9 on an a password I couldnt remember, was very close to the edge! dont know why and nothing acting as a trigger, just pure selfish thoughts of I want to! it worries me as if I had been babysitting for the grandchildren I would have had access to their laptop and know I would have gambled on some site or other.

Makes me realise I will always have to resist at times as life seems normal and nice and then unwanted urges come along and yet for days I have not even given gambling a thought and had no desire. Feeling a bit insecure today as a result.

Am going out this afternoon as dont want time to brood. Had planned to do housework today but as a bit down think its best to be out of my current environment.

Take care all

Mary x

Evening Mary

That's why you installed the blocker as there are going to days when the urges come back. Thankfully you were ready for it and had the blocker in place. Well done.

Yeah the dreams I've been having have been crazy. When I used to gamble I had same dreams as you. That I had a big win and I would wake up happy to then realise I was skint.

Don't be hard on yourself about what happened other day. You wanted to gamble but you couldn't. That's success and progress

Take care

Hi Mary,

These silly thoughts do come and go, and can make us feel negative and panicky, but they don't last long, I hope you feel more positive today and proud that you said NO to those thoughts, each time they appear, we gat stronger each time we say NO,

Keep strong and keep going.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you Jamie an Suzanne for your kind words of support.Am feeling better today. Have had a nasty cold so think I just felt very vunerable. My parents came down today for tea so that was nice. Think my puppy sulking with me now as keeps hiding. Had to shut her out in garden whilst they were here an she won't forgive me lol. Had to bail one of my daughters out with money today so at least I was in position to help her. She always pays it back so I don't mind. Do recall a year ago when had no pension or money spare but didn't stop me wasting what money I did have on bingo. Another reason to keep that Blocker on my laptop! Don't ever want to be in that position again. Take care all

Mary

Hi Mary ,

Thanks for dropping by, and it's good to see a more positive post.

We can't change our past, but we can sure change our future simply by just making right choices everyday, and you are doing just that.

Keep strong, positive and keep winning.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you Suzanne. Had some sad news today as my pet dog I had for 14yrs passed away. My ex asked to keep her an it seemed best solution as when we parted I stayed with family but I still saw her on a frequent basis so have shed my fair share of tears today. But had family come to stay tonight so not by myself. Just very sad 🙁

So sorry to read of your sad news Mary, ((((((Hugs))))), our pets are family members and it sooo heart breaking when we lose them.

You have that gorgeous mischievous puppy, he won't replace your other doggie, but he will help with the grieving.

Take care and keep strong.

Suzanne xxx

Hi Mary,

I hope you are ok. Emotional times can lure us back to gambling. I hope you have extra guards in place while you go through this difficult time. Stay strong & look after yourself. Suzy

Hope you are ok Mary, Keep strong and safe.

Suzanne xxx

hi thank you Suzanne and Suzy x. Had to stay away from all electronic devices as had horrible urges but thankfully calmed down now so feel safe to use my laptop. Just had to occupy myself by going out and had to babysit quite a bit this week so laptop was taken over with Frozen lol. found I was getting into my old routine of staying in bed after letting puppy out and feeling down but realised this was not good for me so gave myself a kick up the b*m lol and got up early today and feel much better for it.

Mary x