Hi all
Here it goes... I started gambling at 18 on football accumulators and long shot bets . This was fun and very rarely I won, but as the odds were long and the bets were low ,I was happy. Down the pub, watching the football with a few crazy bets was fine.
However last May (2014) I started using online slots. I played a few games and, call it beginners luck, but on that first day won a few hundred pounds. Over the next couple of days I'd nearly won a thousand from around 40 (on hindsight I wish this never happened to me, as this winning streak really hook, line and sinkered me).
I stopped for a few weeks and spent my winnings, then got lured back. I lost . However due to my previous winnings shrugged it off.
Over the summer the lure of feature games and big wins kept calling me back. Fast forward to now and there isn't many online slot games I haven't played. I really enjoy the feature, and can't explain why. I enjoy unlocking pointless achievements and seeing the 3 scatters and what comes next.
I'm probably spending around 200 a week on slots, winning maybe 30-50% of what I put on a month. This isn't healthy and I feel guilty and ashamed afterwards.
I have k9 protection on my laptop but still use my iPad or mobile to bet. I'm self excluded on probably over 30 sites and struggle to find new ones. However that hasn't stopped me as I just play Euro ones and pay a extra deposit fee.
Tonight I've come to the honest conclusion that I am a problem gambler. I try to make up for losses, hide what I'm doing from my partner and do not enjoy gambling anymore.
This diary is more for myself than anyone else but always welcome thoughts and comments.
From tomorrow I will stop this habit. I rarely bet in person as the physical handling of cash makes me realise it's stupid and I don't. Therefore when I get paid on Tuesday I plan to take out a large sum of cash to withdraw the urge to online bet.
I'll use this to document my thoughts and advances. Any tips on what to do when I have the urge to gamble then please share.
Thanks
J
Hi j you come to the right place. I havent gambled in 6days all because of this forum it keeps u focus. All the best sam
Been a whole day since I've gambled. I finally got my withdrawal from one of the slower sites so self excluded my account from there.
The urge came quite strong last night but I resisted. Felt really crappy even thinking about gambling and wanted to give in. My mind was saying "it's only 20ВЈ" but I kept myself busy by finding something to watch on tv.
Tonight my partners out so I'm on my own with less distractions, and I've just been paid by my employer so money is in abundance. This will be the real test.
It's been hard but I feel I'm over the initial hurdle. I tried to gamble once and the website rejected my deposit as I'd self excluded on a sister site.
I feel like I'm thinking less about gambling ,however when I see an ad on tv I do have a big urge but I Can fight it by staying busy.
This weekend is the test, I have a lot of time to myself and some spare cash.
I am excited and pleased by my progress so far and hope it can continue!
Hi J, welcome to recovery 🙂
Congratulations for starting a diary! Have you considered blocking software to get your Time-Money-Location triangle broken? (K9 is free but I can't vouch for any as this was not my poison!) You only need to remove 1 & gambling is impossible...Trying to gamble is a slippery slope & the blocking software should work on all sites whether you have excluded or not!
GT has a thread on tips for keeping busy but that is exactly what you need to do because the urges will pass, you just need to ride them out!
It can continue - ODAAT
Stay strong. Try and keep yourself occupied. It is very tough. I am only day 1 so I have a long way to go. If you can just stay off the Internet and telly for a bit. The weather is nice try and go for a walk. Just try anything that will take your mind off it
Hi both
Thanks for the replies.
I have k9 on my laptop and set it up through my work email so I can't even reset the password at home. It's really effective and works. However it doesn't work on my iPad or phone, and therefore I can still find ways around to gamble.
I feel like I'm making progress though, got a busy day away from all tech today which is good.
Saturday went well, didn't even consider gambling. However today I'm tempted to have a small play on the slots... Need to find something to keep me busy
Since this thread things have got worse.
Since July I've gambled wholly on my phone and have gone in circles of opening accounts, losing and then self excluding. You'd be challenged to find a casino or group I haven't self excluded from.
This isn't the answer though as ill just open them in different details or through more obscure companies.
I'm gambling around 400 a week and playing mainly slots. I really enjoy it but afterwards feel either empty if I've won or angry when I've lost.
From today I'm going to try and not gamble again, hoping this diary will help me string a few weeks together at least
One day down, looking at my bank account is depressing. If I'd stop two weeks earlier I could have spent 800 so much better!
Looking forward to having a whole month of not gambling!
Another new day, two days without gambling down and haven't looked at any gambling related fbook pages, forums or news.
I feel happy that life could be like this moving forward, and sad of what's been.
If anyone reads this, how do you deal with the urges to gamble? What do you do to take your mind off it?
I have a few evenings alone coming up so need to be prepared for the urges
Well done. I just keep busy if I think about it come on here and read a diary from start to finish I have been filling my time with box sets but other go for a run do a puzzle even a jigsaw just anything that keeps you occupied
Cecil - it's a big step to break a habit of a long time but preventing yourself from checking those pages is a great step forward.
Hi Cecil , your doing great buddy , well done . Personally if i get that urge I tend to look back at my first post's and remember what brought me here and how shiiiiity I felt that day, then ask myself do I want to go back to that ?, No effing way !.
Stay strong my friend !
Yes good work on stopping. Urges are tough but not impossible to deal with, i am newbie so not so good at linking, but on this site there was/is a thread where various members picked out the posts they found most influential... some of those relate specifically to urges and how to deal with them. Two things I have begun doing are as follows:
All involved stopping and thinking first... i never used ot stop... if i got that ooh lets gamble urge i just went straight for it.
So Stop and think..
and my thoughts go like this:
Who am i accountable to, and who would i be letting down ... loads of people
I have kids, so instantly follows is how much do you love your kids (the whole world is my answer) enough to not gamble ... absolutely ... Replace kids with mum/dad/partner whomsoever matters the world to you...
So far and im only 3 weeks in, its all i need,,, but goals and counseling and meetings and other tactics will all play their part as recovery progresses for me.
Stay strong
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