[Closed] Charly's life

Sorry to hear about your leg - one thing after another, eh?!

Keep resting and you will soon be running a marathon!

All the best.

GT

x

I and I am sure a lot of others are just wondering how you are.

god bless

I echo mike7455s post . Thinking of you .

Hi Sabine... Just wanted to thank you for your support. I always read your posts and I am also thinking of you. I hope that your higher power is bringing you inner strength and peace. Bless you.. S.A 🙂

Hi Diary, Hi my gamcare friends.

Thank you for you kind words and concerns.

Sorry I haven't been here; writing. I get very tired these days. I guess it's something I'll have to get used to. It's one of the side effects of the morphin tablets I now take.

I have some good news. My ankle isn't broken after all. I went for my check up and the doctor at the fracture clinic looked at my x-rays and said she couldn't see a break. I looked at the x-ray and said. Neither can I and that is not the x-ray they looked at last week in A&E.

Great news for me as the air cast could come off and I can now walk again without crutches.

Not so good for whose x-rays got mixed up with mine. There is someone out there who is walking around with a broken ankle, thinking it is sprained only. I hope they check it out and get that person back to hospital.

I spent a nice weekend with my angel. We talked and he opened up a bit for the first time and shared some of his feelings with me. He's been trying to be strong for me and I love him even more for it.

We were able to hug and cry together and let a lot of emotions out this past weekend.

Me being me, I am always worried for my family and my heart breaks when I think about them when I'm not around anymore(although I try not to think that way). I hurt for them more then I hurt for me.

My angel says, I should be worrying for me not for them. I told him that I decided a long while ago that God put me on this earth to worry and care about others and not myself. And that I need to feel needed( I hope that makes sense). I said that if I no longer feel needed I may as well give up because what is the purpose of my being here if it is not to care for others?

I was well reassured that I was needed very much 🙂

Often I feel too tired to do anything, but I go back to my G.A. books and one of the things in there says not to be a mental loafer. So I drag myself up and do bits and pieces. It seems that I no longer can do the things I used to do at the speed I used to do them in. That is hard to accept. I look at my elderly neighbour and see what she still does and think, I wish I could do this. Well, my stubborn brain says I can, and sometimes I do, but then I pay for it with being exhausted for days.

Like I have said in past posts, patience is something I constantly have to work on.

Acceptance of who I am now is tough too at times. I go back to One day at a time.... and Just for today.... and I know I'll be alright.

No longer is it important to have many possessions. It is enough to have a meal with my family, go for a walk in the Country Park by the water or just sit there and watch the world go by. I no longer worry about..can I afford this or that... the desire to own this and that just isn't there any more. I just wished I had had that inside a few years ago, when I had my gambling head on and wished for the stars, knowing now that that would never happen whilst I gambled.

I am grateful to have been on the jouney I have been for I can deal with all that life offers in a much better way. I learnt to like me and with that my whole attitude changed. I think to be able to face the world and all it's good and bad I had to look in the mirror, work at me and learn to like me. And now that I do, I enjoy each day I am on this earth and am grateful for it.

My little brother has his 10 year celebration at the end of this month (well he actually reached his big milestone in July but the group is celebrating it at the end of this month) and I feel very privileged as he has asked me to chair his special meeting. I am so looking forward to it. My little brother has been my rock, my mentor/sponsor in my recovery and has often guided me when I didn't know what to do and I love him to bits.

There will also be a 4 year and a 1 year celebration and I am proud to be a member of the fellowship that is G.A.

For me, the people within the fellowship were my saviours and I am able to live a much happier and more content life, thanks to all of them.

I wish everyone still struggling out there, the strength to carry on and pray that you all find your own way to recovery. Because you are friends too, friends, who walk the same, yet a totally different and unique path, as me. Together we can arrest this addiction and be strong.

ODAAT

God Bless

Sabine xx

Hi Sabine,

Thanks for sharing with us how you are feeling, and the new perspective your illness has given you. Funny how we don't recognise the important things on a day to day basis, and we get preoccupied with stuff that really does not matter.

Congratulations for the impressive amount of money you have raised for cancer research! what an achievement 🙂

Hope you enjoy the celebrations coming up with your GA friends.

Take care,

f x

Hi Sabine.

What a post.

I really want to say alot to you at times but when i come to writing it,i feel like i don't make any sense or that i'll write something that just comes out wrong.

What i will say is,I really wish you and your family all my very best and that i really feel for you.You are one strong cookie(thats a compliment - cookie) and i really can't give you enough praise for all that you have done on here.

Take care my friend.

Viggo.

Hi Sabine

As has been said before what a post, all I can say and I realy mean this, if I were to ever be half the person you are, that would be just great.

god bless Mike

Hi Sabine.

I really just want to send all my very best to you and your family and tell you again and again how important you are to people in recovery on here!

Viggo.

Hi my friends

Long time no speak. I keep popping in, reading bits but never seen to have the energy to actually sit and write.

I don't really have the energy now, but I thought, if I don't start now,it may be a while before I do.

Things are going down hill slowly. I notice by having to up my morphin just that little bit every few weeks. I'm too tired to do a whole G.A. meeting. This Sunday gone, I didn't go at all and I miss it bu I was in pain. Mind you, my angel and I had a busy weekend.

I bought some special tickets for Monkey World in Dorset(Ape Rescue Centre) to have a sleepover in aid of raising much needed funds for the Jim Cronin Memorial fund.

We arrived Saturday lunchtime, had a stroll around the park to say hi to my adopted apes and all the other rescued primates, then registered with the staff and put our tent up. We were given a safety briefing and some food and drink and then we were allowed to watch the primates bed down for the night, after all general public had gone home. We were shown behind the scenes and it was all very special. At 7.30pm we had a bbq by a huge campfire, with poetry by the staff, including Jeremy Keeling, the animal director and co-founder of MW and sing-a-long. Sunday morning we were being let in again via the service entrance to the cafe for a a lovely cooked breakfast and then we had the opportunity to go and see the apes having their breakfast feeds. Again, without the general public. I think there were about 50 campers in total. It was all very special.

Problem is, I now am really really tired and in a bit of pain. I often forget that I shouldn't really be doing all the stuff I am doing and then pay for it. Doesn't matter though. I have to do the things I would like to do now. Time isn't on my side. I do not have the luxury to say - oh I'll do that one day - I just have to do what I can within the means I have and as soon as possible.

Not easy choosing. When you are facing the reality of dying and you have to decide what "important" things you really really want to do, it's daunting at times.

My big goal is for next year October.

I would really like to go to the International G.A. convention in San Diego/CA.

I have put the deposit down and hopefully I'll still be around to pull this off.

That is the farthest goal I have set.

I now put all this in God's hands and He can decide if I should go or not.

At home things are "normal" I guess. I think they all rally around for me as much as I let them.

My daughter has come down again for a few days to see me which is nice.

The McMillan nurse is organising my blue car badge and helping aids for around the house, like hand rails and highering the chair and settee to make it easier to get up.

People are really kind and very helpful.

Last week I met up with 10 of my former work colleagues for an evening meal, which was really nice. It's been 3 years since we've been made redundant and it was great to see them and catch up.

Tomorrow we are going to see a documentary in Lymington in aid fo the New Forest Film Festival, called Project Nim, where my friend Mike Osbourne from Monkey World will be doing a question and answer session after the viewing.

Next week we are hoping to finally go ont he Waverley, the last see faring paddle steamer for my Angel's experience day, which had to be cancelled twice.

This Saturday , my sister-in-law, her partner, Angel and I are going to dress up in style of the 40's and go to Goodwood Revival. I knwo it's car racing but Revival is more about being seen in style these days I think. It's good fun and a great day out.

Boy, what a list of stuff do do. Writing it all down is making feel tired, lol.

Gotta do the things I gotta do. I promise I'll rest when I can (Mind you, my body will dictate that, I'm sure)

Sometimes my cancer result is still very hard for me to accept. I sit or lay here and think.I am 47 years old, today I feel like I am older than my mom. I should be out there working for a living, looking after my family. Then I do a bit and double over in pain, totally exhausted, thinking, I hope this won't get too much worse. The pain is what rattles me most I think. I guess it is there to let me know that this cancer is for real. When I was first diagnosed and treated, I didn't understand the fuzz. I was in no pain. How times change.

But... it doesn't matter. I know I have been able to change my life around and make me a better person. To have been given the chance to do that is very much a blessing.

A blessing I am very grateful for.

Let's just enjoy each day as it comes, no matter if you're ill or not.

I truly wish I had had that inside sooner. But... even if I didn't .... here is your chance... go and get life...enjoy the moment when your loved ones, smile at you and tell you that they love you. Or when you wake up to some bird song or thunder and lighting. All the stuff we all take so much for granted.

Embrace it all for you never now how long you have it for.

Sending you all my love and prayers.

God Bless

Sabine xx

Hi Sabine,

I wish I could take the pain away for you. I'm so sorry for your suffering. Its really nice to hear updates from you, but I know they take a lot out of you.

I'm not sure if this is a really insensitive thing to say, but I hope someone will post on your diary to let us know if anything happens to you. Sometimes when it has been a while, I do wonder if I have already read your last post. I hope that is not a bad thing to say. It would be so wonderful for you to get to that convention next year.

Sounds like you have a busy time, with all of the things you mention coming up. I loved reading about your experience at Monkey World 🙂

Take care of yourself, and don't waste any time being stubborn! I hate to think of you doing too much then suffering for it 🙁

f x

thinking of you sabine, like freda, was wondering how you were doing

i so admire your bravery and courage, you certainly are among the most special people living

love

rusty

xx

:,-( puts a few stories on here to embarrassment (myself included) one special lady x

Hello my friend . We ain`t had that cofee yet but pray we will . You are special in my heart .

Your courage is humbling . I think and talk to my Angel about you you . May God bless you and your family . Sending love and pray that that you will be with us all for years to come .

I can say little more but hopefully send you positive thoughts .

My love Graham XX

Hi Sabine.

I'm glad you had a great/special time at monkey world.

As you can see by the posts...we're all thinking of you.Take care my friend and i send you all my best from me and my family!

Viggo.