Chasing Losses has ruined everything. Time for a change.

Been a while since posted, still managed to abstain so therefore it is the 14th day in recovery. In those 14 days I have'nt spent any money on myself, have only paid the household bills and vehicle costs etc. So that's a positive, but it dos'nt feel that good. Today especially. It's the 15 th so I've had supplier's on the phone chasing business debts that I had the funds to pay but gambled away within hour's over Xmas. Nitemare, how do you recover the funds in such a short amount of time.

So thoughts of accessing a PC or tablet to get on the slots are very persistent at the moment. Maybe £50 will make £1000 it's happened many times b4. This time I'd withdraw whilst in credit. Maybe so but honestly tomorrow evening I'd be back, if I started again I would'nt stop. So b*****ks to it. Not going to give in yet.

14 days, bring on 15!

Hey amt, thanks for the comment.

I'm fine thanks. I've been wondering how you're getting on, so pleased to hear you haven't succumbed! I know that feeling you describe in your last post very well, I had a bit of a wobble yesterday and knowing that i have a little money going into my account on Monday I had a look around for a new casino on line (as I have self excluded from all my usuals). I found one that has my favourite game that I haven't yet had an account with. So, as I feel strong enough to say no again today, I'm now wondering if I can self exclude before I even open an account?!

That's the worry for me, that when I do have money to spend, what if I have another wobble? I hate feeling weak. I'm not weak with any other part of my life but when it comes to gambling, I am such a fool. Anyway as you say, b******s to it. I'm not going to give in either. You need to edit that 'yet' out of your post amt, you have too much to lose. If you don't gamble again, you will never feel as bad as you did 15 days ago. Don't ever forget that feeling and you won't go back. Hope the family are good and you are managing to claw back some of the money you lost. Have you had any work come in? Fingers crossed that you're not affected by the snow, that would be sods law eh?!

Well done for the 15 days, as always right behind you buddy.

Rach x

Thanks for your support Al, it means a lot. Glad you're managing to scratch back some of the losses, small fry may be but give it another few months and things will look so much better. Like you say, it'll probably be a couple of years before we are back on our feet properly but I'm looking forward to that day and every day we are gf, that day is a little closer! Have a lovely weekend with your wife and kids & fingers crossed that you get some nice jobs rolling in next week - I hate that you're having to sell stuff to make ends meet in the business!

Rach x

I was worried by your statement not going to give in YET. You must lose the illusion that gambling could be the solution to your problems. It will not work for you. You need new solutions & coping strategies. Your old ones do not work for you!

I did'nt even think while writing the 'YET' comment. 16 days is a massive positive for me, I am fully aware that it's going to get more difficult coping in the next few weeks and months while supplier's, tax man etc are on my case to recover their overdue debts. I will not let my guard down. Thanks for your comments.

Good luck for the week ahead Al, will catch up with you next weekend.

Rach

Hi Al,

Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it! Not woken up feeling thoroughly ashamed of myself so that's another win right?! Hope you're having a good week, bit cold out there for you I expect. So glad my job is mainly inside in the warm. There is a solar farm being put up in a field near my house and I pass the workmen whilst dropping my son off to school in the morning - poor sods looked absolutely miserable this morning - it was -4.5 degrees on my car thermometer so they must have been freezing.

Catch up again soon,

Rach x

Hey Al,

Just checking in to see how your week has been? You must be on 3 weeks now too 🙂

Supporting you as every my friend.

Rach

Rach, Thanks for checking in on me, not been a good week in some ways, other's it has been very positive, 23 days now and still fighting the urges on the odd occasion but have'nt acted on them. Still finding the financial side of things (especially business) a major downer at the moment. Supplier's threatening action etc and the HMRC passing one of debts to a collection agency. They can't have what i have'nt got so I tend to put the worry to one side. Would go insane if constantly worried about it. Need to address the issue though somehow. They don't like the waiting for overdue payments, after 60 days accounts are suspended and recovery procedures put in place, I need to continue trading so need these accounts so can have the credit facilities. All this due to stupid sessions on that d**n slot game. That peroid over Christmas where i was constantly chasing losses on a daily basis has devastated my business short term and will take a good 12 months to overcome. (If still trading).

Colder weather been a pain as have'nt been able to do the small amount of work i've got either. worked about 12 hours this week!! usually do 45-50 hours minimum when got the work. Been catching up on quotes etc so have kept busy otherwise would of been applying my thoughts to the slots!

Hi amt1974,

I've been in a similar position as you, i'm a tradesman and rely on my business for everything. I also used customer payments to bet (and lose), so know where you are coming from. Its not just a case of debts that will get paid sometime or other, you need to trade.

I've been fortunate in that I have been able to juggle things along with a loan from family of £4k. Its given me some cash flow and I am grateful for it. Please don't give in to the urges, we all have the neg thoughts, but we cannot go back to our old lives. I wish we all had a fast forward button, to just appear 6 months down the line, with no worry or debts, it don't happen of course.

Have you told your family and friends, are you getting support from those around you?

You clearly need a cash injection for the sake of your business, thats going to be tough, but you may find a way.

Good luck mate, I feel for you and will think of you. I'm only 5 days into my recovery, you may want to have a look at my diary, you'll see I have great support around me and i feel very lucky.

Chin up.

Hi Al,

Ditto that with the debts - I am at that same stage as you, they can't take what I haven't got so what is the use of worrying? Once I get paid I'm going to pay my rent and first installment of arrears (which will take half of my wages, gulp) then pay council tax, remainder pf sons school trip, gas & electric and the 1 loan I am currently up to date with (only because a friend has acted as guarantor and I can't bear the thought of her finding out about all this). That will take half of what is left and leave me with about £500. I'm then taking an afternoon off work to call all my debtors to try to arrange a payment plan, but if any of them won't play ball then I will have to go down the iva route which means that they will get a whole lot less than what I will offer them by way of payment. That's the plan anyway. I am lucky enough to have a steady salary unlike yourself being a business owner and all. I suppose it has its' pros though, when business is good you get to keep all the lovely lolly whereas mine goes to the suits in the office. Hopefully your work will pick up soon Al, you're doing all you can which is about as much as anyone can ask of you. I have begun to feel animosity towards my bank and credit card companies I have to say. It appears, by reading the many stories on here, that there are hundreds and thousands of us in the same situation. Surely they have an obligation to question and to stop excessive consistent gambling transactions coming out of an account/off a card etc? If my bank, or credit card companies had something in place whereby they stop debits after say, £200 and contact you by phone to discuss the situation, I'm sure I wouldn't be in the situation that I am. Sometimes, Santander saw £1500 come out of my account in £50 increments followed by payday loans going in on the same night of say another £500 then that going out again. The same company would then see another £500 come out on my Santander credit card - all in the space of 8 hours. Madness - surely some red flag would come up somewhere? I know ultimately I am to blame, I have been stupid and reckless beyond belief but there has to be some price to pay for the banks, so it's partly their fault that they are not getting paid the full amount and on time now. Anyway, rant over but I understand completely about not wanting to send yourself mad over it all.

Hope the weather warms up a bit for you this week so that you are able to get out and work 🙂 Well done on 23 days, next weekend it'll be a month - that's going to be something to celebrate eh?

Rach x

Hi mate,

Thanks for the reply on my diary. I have decided to follow few people on here as part of my own recovery and hopefully to help others too at the same time. As your life mirrors mine in some ways it will be interesting how we get on.

One bit of advice, you may already do this, but I have done it for a while and it helps with cash flow.

For every job I do, I agree a payment plan with customers prior to the job starting. I normaly ask for a third at the start, a third in the middle and a third at the end. This has several benefits, the first being cash flow for yourself even though you have a credit account (or did). Secondly, it adds a safeguard for any potential non payers. I have only ever had a customer refuse this as they once had a bad experience with another tradesman, after a day of me working they felt guilty about refusing me and paid up. In most cases as well, I treat the first payment as a deposit and some customers pay weeks if not months in front. I have several payments like this at the moment and in these early days of recovery and running the business, its been a god send. I originally did this to help fund my gambling habit, but I think going forward its a sensible way to trade. You have to build in safeguards for yourself. I no longer have a credit account as I burnt all my bridges and they closed me down, I still trade though, with the help of the deposits. All this on watchdog about don't pay a penny till you are fully happy at the end of the job, is a load of b******s. I would not work for a customer who was not willing to show some commitment,

Additionally, if I am buying any materials, i.e. bathroom etc.. I without fail, ask for payment before the start of the job, there is no way I would start a job without being paid for the materials. If the job goes wrong, the worst that will happen is I lose labour, not materials.

I never have to chase payments as I agree the payment plan first and expect paying the day I finish the work. I also get them to do bank transfers as they are instant and it saves them making an excuse about going to the bank etc...

Anyway, hope this helps in some way and I will think of any other helpful tips I might have.

Trotty

One other thing. Get in tuch with your trade accounts dept. I had the same issues as you and called them and was very honest. I didn't say I was a gambling addict, but I said I was experiencing cash flow problems, blah blah blah. As long as you contact them and keep them informed they are willing to take stage payments. Its also better for them than going legal and keeps a relationship going. You will obviously go on stop, but thats to be expected. Set a payment plan that you can stick to.

I trade with TP, still do but now on a cash basis.

Good luck again

Hi amt1974,

Keep strong

All the best

Ade

Hi Al,

Yep, all good! I've been down to Bath today with work - beautiful but could have been better weather! Had dinner cooked for me, a rare treat! Paid the gas and electric, been food shopping and am feeling good. No gambling urges, I think it will take a long time for this feeling of disgust about my major gambling episode at Christmas to go, that's one that I am in no hurry to repeat. How are you getting on? Any joy with appeasing your suppliers etc?

Rach x