Choose life

Hello Lost23

Welcome to the forum.

Well done for finding the courage to post at a difficult time.

Not sure what you have tried before to stop gambling but putting barriers such as self-excluding, blocking software or handing over financial control to someone you trust is always a good place to start to help you stop and take stock of your situation without causing anymore financial hardship.

From there different things work for different people: counselling, CBT, religion, GA, hypnosis, support groups are a few options.

Try to stay calm, you need to make changes and posting here is a good start. There is an abundance of help here: netline, GamCare offer free counselling, the forum, the helpline, there's a chatroom - you're never alone here. People are here, understand and want to help you.

Try things and use whatever helps you whenever you need to.

I feel your pain. I hide my gambling so well someone at work once described me as "the most sensible person I know." They didn't see me studying the virtual horse racing form and placing half a weeks wages on the outcome the day before. I've relapsed, wasted my life and ruined my health.

All we can do is try to turn our lives around, there really is no alternative.

Read around the forum about how other people deal with their gambling addiction, get involved and try to keep yourself busy.

It isn't easy and there might be some bumps along the way but you can change your life.

You've made a good start today.

Blessings

Glint

Hi lost23,

Well done for coming on here. Just take one day at a time, you are not alone. Everyday is an achievement and we will all be very proud of you x

Thank you Glint and Jasmine for your encouragement

I have One day gamble free. I feel terrible but i am going to push on. I did this. I have to keep going I cant live like that anymore

Hi Lost 23,

Hope you're feeling a little better. I have been to the bottom and back many times over these past three years of compulsive gambling each month. Racked up so much debt and broken relationships over my depression and cutting everyone off and still have concealed well the fact I am a gambler. Nobody would know. Currently two weeks gamble free and it truely is amazing how resilient us gamblers can be. We have all been to rock bottom but as soon as we manage to put some distance between ourselves and gambling I feel the lights come back on and the true people start coming back inside. It's so hard and I'm sure I'll relapse many more times but I have found a little coping technique. I'm not religious but I have found when I get urges I make some time have a little 'meditation', sitting still, breathing put some relaxing sounds on and count everything your blessed to have and realise family health and the free things we can experience on this earth are much more valuable and important than metal coins or paper notes that is money. Sorry for the essay hope I could help xx

Hope everything is going well Lost23.

Reading your post reminded me so much of myself.

Ted2016 thank you

Today is another day. It feels the last 2 days have gone so slow. I feel at this point in time that i am not going to make it. i think what am i running from. Why are those slots so appealing. Why do i love them so much that i woudl throw everythign away for them. Loneliness, boredom, not putting fun things into my life, hobbies etc. Overwhelming feelings with my mental health. Struggling with daily life, trying to be strong all the time.

Who knows, all i know is gambling destroys me. I dont want to do it anymore yet the desire for escape is so great. Im tyring to delay when i get the urge and do other things. Thanking you all for your support

Im back again and its 3 days gone gamble free. My brain is truly scrambled right now and i am finding it hard to stop thinking about gambling all the time. It is always with me. I have tried to stop gambling so many times, always relapsing. For so many years. I think my addict brain wiill never accept i cant walk in that one time and just do it the once. So I have to rely on my history, what ive done, how long its gone on, how ive never been able to control it in around 10 years of gambling. I have never been able to leave with money. Yet my head still to this day tells me i can do it. Talk about stubborn. Part of me knows i cant, part of me still says i can but i dont want to. That is the part i hold on to. I want to give myself the chance to see what it feels like and experience living without addiction. I want to feel what its like to be free of it. It consumes me when i start, i cant stop. The binges are so damaging and continue for months at a time till i am beaten and broken. Every time i muster up the strenght to say i will fight this again and try to stop. I need to stop, i have to stop. I cant continue with that way of living, i cant lose that much money that is ten times what im making. Its the consequences that are the hardest. The realization that i alone have created all of this. That i have willingly though it didnt feel like it, shoved all my money into machines. Now i have to accept whats done and try to start over. Emotionally its just really hard. I dont know how to get through each day but doing it very slowly a little bit at a time. I have to watch that part of me that is self destructive that says, who cares, just go. I have to divert my attention elsewhere and fight to have a life. I think, how hard can it be, but it has been the hardest thing. Trying to stop this addiction. It just destroys me.

Hi lost, you have written with such honesty that reading your posts I feel your pain. Gambling at our level is so so difficult to live with. I also cannot imagine living a lifetime without playing the slots again but in my heart I know I have to because they've got me into so much debt that if I carry on I know i can't stop and i would lose my home as well as my sanity.
All we can do is take one gamble free day at a time and pray everything will work out.
Take care
Li'l miss L

Hi Lost,

The pull gambling has on us is just unreal. And I dont know about you but I always think 'I know I said I dont wanna gambling but i'll just stick £20 on and if I dont get anything back I just wont put anymore on' then its 20 mins later and I've blown all of my wage.

There simply is not control over how much once we put the first deposit in its as if we go into a time warp.

I truly think fighting the urges to not gamble at all are easier than trying to stop depositing after that first one!

When you're feeling down, stressed, frustrating and cant get your mind off gambling, get out of the house go for a walk get some fresh air and just really take in the things around you to occupy your mind of real life things.

where's your happy place apart from slots? Mine is with a nice cup of tea, reading a good book. Think of the things that brought you joy before gambling and when it gets tough occupy yourself with them instead and feel proud that each day you are working super strength to fight this because its not easy and each hour you should praise yourself because it is a big feat!

I have relapsed loads dont feel your stuck with it just because it has been ten years, you CAN do this and it will happen how many attempts it takes 🙂

xx

Hi GirlJ and little miss lost.

I didnt make it. I went crazy today, thinking one more time. Il just try 100 see how that goes, if i win i take it, if i lose i leave. I put more than 100 everything gone. I was there for Ten hours. I am home in bed, sick to my stomach with guilt and shame. I cannot believe it. i was not going to come back but i thougth if i dont who am i kidding, i have to keep trying or this is going to kill me. Ugh i think of the loss, the debt ive created, im disgusted in myself. I couldnt hate myself any more than i do right now.

I am so scared this is going to go on till i am so insane i will be in some sort of mental institution or dead. I wont let it happen. I cant. I have to move forward, I have to grab on to what shred of sanity I have left and face the music. Thank you for your support, i dont know which way to turn. Im trying to breathe. I cant do it anymore.

Hi Lost.

i'm in your situation. I feel embarassed, I lost to many money on betting.

Now i don't know how to give up my mind that "i ve debt for xxx Euros" .

How someone could help us?

I said to me: i stop for one month and then i bet again to see.

how i can stop this mentality? how can i give out of my mind that i have some debt.

Someone answer me. please.

Hang in there lost. Many of us have felt how you're feeling now.
In utter despair I have rung the samaritans and Gamcares helpines. Don't get me wrong, they haven't got a magic wand but I've found its always helped. Just being able to talk to someone gives you strength. They don't judge and I've always come off the phone thinking I'm not such a waste of space.
You're feeling desperate now but in a couple of gambling free days you'll feel a little bit better.
Well done for coming back on this site. You deserve a better life. You can have one. One day at a time.
Sending you a bucketful of strength.
Li'l miss L

Little miss lost, thank you.

I cannot solve the problem of debts. I lost many Euros. How i can recover them? This is the question.

I have in mind the numbers of Euros lost. I would like to recover them. And i have this number in my mind all the time.

Can you help me?

Never give up hope. Give yourself a hug and build your strength up again.