Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Day 62

Ages since I last posted. Up to 62 days without to much of a problem now. Lots has happened in the last few weeks - went for a promotion, didn't get it, but I was told that I was extremely close. I know that next year will be the year I'll get it. Still paying off the CC bills - didn't really pay that much off in 2013, 3 or 4 thousand, but I'm pretty much on 0% for the remaining 27K owed. Aiming to get half paid next year, the other half in 2015. That aside, feeling more and more unstressed about it. I've really enjoyed the last few weeks, buying the kids nice Xmas presents, having some great Xmas parties - it's a great feeling being able to buy your friends drinks without counting the pennies, or worrying about the next Credit Card bill. Yes, it's been a tough 5years, but I've got an extremely good feeling about 2014.

Hi Michael,

Great post and well done on 62 days. Great achievement and you should be proud!!

Hope Xmas and coming New year will bring more happiness and belief your way.

Enjoy your life, it is too short for any regrets!!

Take care and keep it up

Sandra

Day 79

Wow, things are getting better. Already this year, £500 from online competitions, a stack of overtime and a bonus in the pipeline of over £1000. CC interest payments down to around £50/ month, total of about £400 including mortgage, down from well over £1500 2 years ago - the debts are tumbling now. Still a long way to go yet though.

Day 98

Almost at 100days - not for the first time. I'll definately need to change the title of this thread. Debts will be nowhere near being paid off by 14th Feb 2014 ! May need to give it another year.

Day 1

I've slipped up again - big style this time. 2 weeks away from the deadline I set myself to get these debts paid off, and I'm almost back to where I started. I don't know what's happening to me - up until 3 months ago,I was clean for over 500 days, and during the last 5 days, I've got hold of one of my credit cards, and gambled away the remaining credit - £5000. Things were really looking up a few weeks ago, but I guess that I was getting tired and frustrated that in spite of all of the effort, things were not moving along as quickly as I would have hoped. Debt wise, I'm back to where i was a few years ago - when I think of all the work I've done, and I blow a huge chunk of it in 4 days a utter madness.

So I need to keep a level head, this year can still be a very good year financially, I need to get back to where I was, head down - I reckon that financially, the damage of this latest episode can be fixed in 2 or 3 months. Then leading on from that, this can still be a good year.

So here we go again.

Day 1

Yes, slipped again last night. I'd had a great day, and received an email from the on-line Casino last night which I'd emailed to self-exclude from on Friday. They'd deposited £300 'free' money in my account, the next thing I know I'd lost it and another £1500 on top of that.

Another email to self-exclude sent to the company AGAIN today.

My financial situation is dire, and that's my only focus at the moment. Alot of our friends are close to paying off their mortgages. Me, I'm over £300,000 in debt, mortgage, loans, credit cards. We're in negative equity on the house, but the debt is manageable - interest rates are extremely low.

Guess the only thing to do is to get self-excluded, get my head down, and put the latest episode down to a 'blip'.

Hi Michael... sorry to hear what has happened. I guess its stark reminder to us all that it only takes one moment of madness and yet another bunch of money gone and all the let down feelings that come with it.

It sounds like you have a build up over time in much the same way that I do and then something seemingly trivial triggers you to gamble.

Try you hardest not to do the compare and contrast thing with your friends. I know its not easy and like you say whats happened is now history.. move forward.. head held high. Regards... S.A

Day 2

Hi S.A - you're spot on. Having gone over 500 days gamble free, I have a minor blip last October, and then a major blip last week. I really can't put my finger on what specifically triggered it this time, I was feeling a little tired, and a little down (I'd had a big row with OH a few days early over the most trivial thing), and I was feeling a little frustrated over work and life in general. But doesn't that happen to all of us from time to time ? Today - back to my old self, obviously 7K worse off, but in my situation, it's something I can handle, although it'll probably take a few months to put right.

Anyway, having blown this money, I've now sent 2 emails to the company, as advised during a chat session with one of their employees, to ask them to permanently close my account. Then lo and behold, I get a call at work from them to say that they were depositing 'free money' into my account !! I said that I wanted my account closed, but this lady would not accept that - she kept asking that she needed a reason err... I've blown 7k in 3 days - go figure !!! I sent her a direct email, but I'm not convinced that the account will be closed. Aren't these firms legally obliged to close an account on request, because I'm really getting hacked off with them !!

Day 17

Once again, the dust settles on my latest binge and I'm left wondering how the hell I got here. I lost just shy of £7000, which matches about 500 mystery shopping trips - which is insane. 4 years of trips at all hours, gone in 7 days of utter madness, and pretty much back to square 1. I've now blown nearly £100000, in 6months, 5months, a 1month, and 1 week binges. Looking at that figure, I'm staggered that in spite of the amount, nothing seems to have changed a great deal since the pre gambling days - we still have our home, a car, holidays, and I still hold the same job with a real chance of promotion in the next 9 months.

Hi Michael...how are u doing? I have come back to this site now after a long time of binge gambling. I need to sort myself out once and for all and the best I have ever done is with these diaries so I intend to update daily again from now on! Let me know how you're doing...I saw from previous posts that you had had a blip...maybe we can get back on the wagon together and help each other through this xxx

Please come back my friend!!xxx

Day 63

Haven't posted in ages - nearly 2 months in fact. No gambling thoughts as such since my last binge, but I've been here many times in the past. I can't trust myself, and I don't think I'll ever be completely 'cured'. I was talking to a group of friends yesterday, the conversation got around to cashback websites - one of the guys was amazed at how much money could be made by clicking through, he then started talking to me about cashback some of the on-line casinos offer. I didn't say anything except for "as long as you know when to stop" - it sent a shiver down my spine, because this was me 5 and a half years ago, exactly the same thing - that's when it all started - trying to make a measely £20. I've known these guys for years, and they're probably my closest friends, but the way the conversation went, it was obvious that they did not have the slightest inkling of where I'd been the last 5 years - the conversation, was at times extremely grim, but I kept my mouth shut. It's not just friends, but at work as well. One of my closest colleagues, who I've worked with on a daily basis for about 7 years now, was asking if I fancied a trip to Vegas last week (!), obviously, no inkling whatsoever there. I've blown a fortune, and whilst I hate myself for that, in a really weird way, I feel proud that, in spite of everything, dignity is still intact, family is still together, kids are doing well, we have a roof over our heads, and I still have a decent career ahead of me (if I get my finger out!).

Day 79

Received an unexpected bonus from work, and a better than expected pay rise last week. Had a weekend of alcohol-related excess, and significantly, gambling thoughts have not even got near the radar.

Can't understand what drives me to binge gamble.

Day 92

Gambling now seems a lifetime away, another world. Debts are clearing, but what the hell - I'm living comfortably within my means. I have a feeling of being 'cured'.

Not long now to the big 100! I'm still fighting the fight and like you feel like something might be different this time. Don't want to tempt fate but I'm hoping I have cracked it!!! Can you imagine the day we are both on here typing that we are gamble free and debt free?!?! The excitement is almost too much to take!!xxx