Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Well done Michael keep it up mate!

Keep up good work mucker.

Day 218

Just come back from a tremendous holiday. Just checked the cc bill - ouch ! Think it's about time these debts took a serious hammering !!!

Hi Michael,

How are you getting on? I've always followed your diary and taken strength from your story.

Hope you are still making good progress.

Paul

Day 278

Still going strong. Reality very quickly extinguished some brief gambling thoughts a few weeks ago. How would a few lucky turns of a card have any long lasting effect on the current, seemingly unmovable debt mountain - the amount it might shift if, and only if, I'm extremely lucky is a tiny percentage of the overall debt, and is completely outweighed another round of mental anguish it will cause - win or lose, and this is something I can't bear any more. I can comfortably afford to service this debt, whilst maintaining a fairly decent lifestyle, but I've had an expensive year, including a fabulous holiday, and alot of work to the house, so the debt pile has simply not reduced. I've nearly finished on the house, and with Xmas coming, I'm not envisaging any debts paid, but I'm acutely aware of the precarious position we're in - any shift in interest rate will have a big effect - so it's mandatory that come January, I take a serious approach to the finances, and start getting the debt shifted. Full debt repayment is years off, in fact, the title of this diary is "Closure - 14th Feb 2014". Some notion in my 1st post, that non-mortgage debt would be paid by that date, nearly 8 months ago. The reality is, is that by overspending, and by falling off the wagon a couple of times since, the non-mortgage debt has not moved at all since that date nearly 4 years ago. Frustrating and depressing, but I have to be positive, and I know I can afford to pay this off, something I didn't have 4 or 5 years ago. So the next step is to get this house "project" finished before Xmas, get whatever I need to spend at Xmas spent, then a clean slate come 1st Jan is now mandatory - no excuses this time.

Hi Michael,

Great to hear you're still gamble-free. 278 days is a fantastic achievement.

Thanks for updating on your progress.

Dear Michael, happy Christmas to you. Your diary is superb and it would be a shame if it fell by the wayside. I hope you are still gamble-free and looking forward to making 2015 a positive year. Please update us and let us know you are okay.

Hi Michael,

How about an update as we head in to 2015?

Hope things are OK!

Hi Michael, I just revisited your diary and it is an enthralling read. I just wondered how you are and I hope you are still gamble free and hammering your debts. Is it time for another update?

Day 500

At a loose end tonight. Daughter's out at a friends, my wife is away on a "shopping trip" and my son is in his room watching the football. Just thought I'd log on - I haven't done for ages now, and lo and behold, 500 Days since my last gamble - wow !! What more can I say, don't really give gambling much of a second thought nowadays - been there, done that, nearly ruined my life and worn the t-shirt.

Day 715

Just on the computer and just decided to have another look at my diary. Gambling now a distant memory. I have the scars to show from that monumental "episode" - 2 massive gambling binges totally almost 100k losses that almost ruined me. But time is a great healer and Gambling thoughts hardly enter my mind these days. I did actually logon to an on-line casino a couple of months ago, and did some Blackjack (my downfall) and some Slots for an hour on Free Play. Why, I do not fully know, but it's amazing how much money you can lose on Free Play in 1hr. For a compulsive gambler, a risky strategy you might think, but to be honest, I found it exceptionally tedious and boring - god knows what I saw in it in the first place. Never given a 2nd thought since - it has no place in my life. Life is good enough as it is without trying to ruin it by handing your money over to some greedy on-line casino. What people might call the normal and mundane in life, for me is exciting and full of possibilities now. If you have a gambling addiction, I challenge you in 2016 to let go of it and when you open your eyes you'll realise how good life can be.

Michael35 wrote:

Day 715

Just on the computer and just decided to have another look at my diary. Gambling now a distant memory. I have the scars to show from that monumental "episode" - 2 massive gambling binges totally almost 100k losses that almost ruined me. But time is a great healer and Gambling thoughts hardly enter my mind these days. I did actually logon to an on-line casino a couple of months ago, and did some Blackjack (my downfall) and some Slots for an hour on Free Play. Why, I do not fully know, but it's amazing how much money you can lose on Free Play in 1hr. For a compulsive gambler, a risky strategy you might think, but to be honest, I found it exceptionally tedious and boring - god knows what I saw in it in the first place. Never given a 2nd thought since - it has no place in my life. Life is good enough as it is without trying to ruin it by handing your money over to some greedy on-line casino. What people might call the normal and mundane in life, for me is exciting and full of possibilities now. If you have a gambling addiction, I challenge you in 2016 to let go of it and when you open your eyes you'll realise how good life can be.

Day0

It's been a long time since I last contributed, but feel the need to update this thread because I've somehow contrived to spectacularly fall off the wagon again. All started in July this year, when having had years of trying to pay off the huge debts I'd built up during the last major Bout of Gambling in 2011, looking for extra income streams fell into Matched Betting. Over 1000 days Gamble-free, what could go wrong ? As long as I keep disciplined, then there should be no problem. Wrong .... A combination of impatience and boredom, and I find myself yet again flitting away thousands of pounds. Fast forward 4 months, and I'm now considerably worse off than before, and I feel that all of the sacrifice and hard work of the preceding 6 yrs have been undone in a period of utter madness. Just goes to show, a Compulsive Gambler is never fully cured.

Although, not as catostrophic as the last time around in 2011 or the 1st time around in 2009, financially, about half as bad and a third as bad of these bouts. By my reckoning, I've lost £57000 in 2009, £33000 in 2011, and around £17000 this time around. Interspersed with some other reckless "mini" bouts, brings the total gambling losses to around £110000-£120000 over the last 9yrs. Nowadays, I'm much better placed to deal with it, but realistically, it will take more than few years to pay off.

Oh why oh why did I get into this in the first place ? What would life have been like without this madness. 9 years ago, my kids were 4 and 7. We'd moved into our dream home, and although it was a stretch at the time, we knew if we looked after purse-strings, we would have been OK. But some silly on-line casino bet during Sep-2009 - and I'd never placed a bet in my life until then, a fortuitous big win of a few hundred quid and I was hooked. 6 months later, I'd wasted £57K and did not have the means to pay the bills - I cracked and got help.

2nd time around in 2011, it was different, a smaller amount (£33K), and a means to pay it off - although it probably would take 2/3 years of hard slog. I kept it quiet and tried to pay it off, but regardless of how much income I received I was unable to make serious in-roads into the debt.

6 yrs later and making a little headway until July this year then 4mths on, I'm back to square one. This time around I have to make serious in-roads into the debt mountain. I'm less than 20yrs from Pension day, I have 2 kids who may want to go to Uni, or eventually get married or get on the property ladder. I need to be in a good place to be able to support them, but at the moment, that's not happening.

My wife doesn't know about this, because I'm terrified that if I do tell her that the fallout will affect the kids who are reaching some important educational and life milestones. Everything is nice and settled at home at the moment, and I can't do anything to rock that boat now.

This has been a devastating bout, but I will recover - I've done it before and I will again. There is no option now.

So 22months after my last post, and it feels weird to be back here, but I'm gutted to report that this is Day0 again.

Hi Michael

Sorry to hear about the heartache you're feeling now. This addiction will never leave us but we can indeed arrest it.

You have done so well, please don't brush all your hard work under the carpet.

Stand up again, fight for your freedom!

You did it, and so you can do it again!

Keep posting, stay close by

S x

Hi Michael,

I followed your diary closely a few years ago, and I’m sorry to read that gambling has crept back in to your life. On the plus side, you’ve returned to your diary and admitted that you’re struggling which is courageous.

My advice would be to draw a line in the sand and say that is it now. £17000 is a lot of money, but if you carry on gambling that figure will go up and up.

Counting days is helpful, but it’s not really day zero. You’re better equipped this time round and you know that you can stop because you’ve done it before. So whatever methodology you used previously do it again! At least now you know that you can’t return to gambling even after such a long period of abstinence. Sadly, I think that the compulsive gambling bug never leaves a person once they’ve been bitten, it’s all about staying away from that first bet (even if you’re intentions of matched betting were good).

I wish you well and hope you document your journey as I find your posts helpful.

paulll