Danny's diary

Hi Danny,

I have moved your diary into the "recovery diary" section of this Forum as you are more likely to receive responses there. I hope that's OK.

Maybe think about talking to your partner about all this. Your partner may be able to help you look after your money, especially on payday.

All the best to you!

Gabriele

Day 2...

after another long walk to work I am feeling glum today but I'm using this feeling to remember when I want to go have a spin on the roulette.

i am transferring my money to my partner when I get paid and she is controlling my spend... I know it sounds extreme but hey I think extreme measures are essential.

I feel ashamed of my position and having to be given pocket money like a child but it means I'm not going to go without this month and I can focus on recovery.

i start a new job all aswell which means this should be a fresh start, finances will take care of them selves if I don't gamble my wages away.

i have been so used to living for 4 weeks on scraps and this is no existence.

However, I'm finding this easy to say no it's all about Thursday and payday.

Thursday really is the day.

Take it from me, (you've read my diary!) don't trust yourself, get that money in to your partners account asap and if there are any blips (can't get it transferred) withdraw, withdraw, withdraw the cash and hand it over! Lol.

For all my good intentions last Friday if u had just made sure the K9 was in place to stop me in my tracks when I felt the urge I physically wouldn't have been able to access any sites and so most probably wouldn't have had to start again. But I have and that's recovery. Good luck for Thursday, would be amazing if you can succeed where I failed. You can do it!

Thank goodness for diaries and people who understand.

Gambling will not beat us!!! Stay strong 🙂

......

Payday and I am nervous, it's nice to have money in the bank and I HAVE paid all my bills for the month.... Which is a relief and I'm happy to see April come to and end that was the longest 4 weeks of my life living of £8 a week. I cannot put myself through that again.

The temptation is there and so strong today, I want some new clothes and I think just winning £40 on the fobt and I can do that or pinch some money for the bank holiday weekend, it's a bizarre mindset I'm well aware but that's my headspace at the minute.

In reality I have enough money to have quite a nice month but it's the thought of losing it all that petrifies me... Which should make it simply not to gamble but it doesn't. If I can make it past today and tomorrow it's the weekend with my girlfriend where I wouldn't even contemplate stepping into a bookies. If I can avoided the bookies today it will be the first payday in over a year I haven't gone and spent some of if not all of my wages.

Morning Danny,

I understand everything you are saying, that first payday after struggling with a mere pittance for a month is so very tempting.

Alsorts of thoughts will be coming your way from Mr gamble, like you deserve this now, you can make your month better, you can win back some of what you have lost now, don't listen utter rubbish, you won't win because you won't stop until all your wages have gone and you will be left with no money again for another month, and so the cycle continues.

Stay strong, have every block and barrier in place, and push through, you will feel stronger and more positive by the weekend, and Danny you will win in a very big way.

Suzanne xx

Thank you ever so much Suzanne, got to work early so instead of hitting the bookies I stopped and got myself a bagel and a coffee ( the luxuries!!). I have a fantastic weekend planned with my better half so I am using that as a motivational tool... I can't keep making excuses aboutineu disappearing.

Pleased to read that, anyone who is not a gambler would think we were nuts thinking a coffee and bagel are luxuries lol, little do they know and understand.

Just keep going take one minute at a time if need be, and I can tell you, you will have a fantastic weekend with your head held high, and rightly so.

Suzanne xxx

It's nearly home time, I have nearly made it... I have the better half picking me up directly from work there should be no way of losing my wages on payday, this is a first and quiet a bizarre feeling 2bh and obviously enjoyable. It's baby steps because the urge to gamble has been there and thinking about getting more money but I can't let anymore people down. I just need to enjoy this weekend gamble free then I believe I will really be on track because I will have finally enjoyed my wages for the first time in a long time

Well done Danny,

Keep strong, positive and keep winning, because it sure is a good feeling when we override those stupid thoughts lol.

Suzanne xxx

Good work Danny, winning!! 🙂

Gambling will not beat us! Stay strong

Woken up this morning after a gamble free day!

I do have the urge to gamble now, it's daft but I keep thinking yeah I can win my money back from what I spent yesterday on a takeaway, does anyone else have this thought process?

Keep strong Danny , the fobt especially the roulette is a vicious cycle to break and drains all your energy.

The fact is when we are on the fobt it will take all our money in a few hours , when I see £500.00 in notes in my hand now I think wow that is a lot of money especially when it is all ten quid notes , but then I thought jesus thats the amount I used to put in the roulette in a few hours sometimes less with the bad sequence of numbers.

The roulette is designed to drop on 34 or 25 when you have 17 or 26 when you have zero , it makes it worse sometimes when some random machine watcher sticks a few quid in on the other machine and his number comes out leading to joyus celebrations from the crowd.

The fact is you have a good job from what I can see and a decent partner , build on this and set yourself goals.

I reckon even with £400.00 you coud buy some jeans , I set myself weekly goals and treat myself at the end of each week , I used to gamble a minimum of £10.00 per day so £70.00 a week you can do a lot with.

Have you considered the free couselling sessions with gamcare ?

Good morning John,

I appreciate that I had a weird technique which probably will be frowned upon, this morning I walked past the bookies and looked through the window to see a gentleman frantically feeding money into he machines, I shouldn't take comfort from his misfortune but it made me walk past and go grab a sandwich and it's a weird sensation being able to purchase things, I'm sure this will eventually surpass.

Staying strong so far!