DaveUK - New Diary

Matt - no it was £40 just one day!

I did try to work out what I had lost in total since I started playing roulette machines on and off over the last 8 or so years and reckon between 2-3K. Very worse case scenario 4K but doubt its that high.

Not a disaster at say £500 a year average but what it does not take into account is the time wasted, ups and downs and lies etc.

Keep going mate. I think we both stopped at the around the same time. it's about 5 weeks free from gambling for myself. No more. We can do this!!

Makes a mahousive (made up word) difference leaving my debit card at home. I work 25 miles from my home so once I have left at 7am thats it - no card for the day and once I get home at 6pm thats job done for the day.

Sounds a bit stupid but temptation goes away as I only carry enough money for what I need for lunch and a bit of loose change - and thats that.

I have noted before I would never use my credit card and equally something I have never ever done is put my last penny in that I have on me so I have no access to cash in the event of an emergency. When I have my debit card with me an empty wallet does not mean no access to cash as I can go and get some out - when its at home its a completely different matter.

My last loss about 5 weeks ago was when I was away with work - it won't happen when I go in a couple of weeks as the debit card will be left at home!

Guess next thing will be temptation to start taking the card with me - will worry about that if it happens.

Hi Dave

How's it all hanging ? Haven't seen you post on here for few days and wondered if things are not as you hoped they would be.

If the temptation of the dear old FOBT's has overtaken you don't suffer in silence.

( On the other hand you might just have been away for a few days and I'll then look a right plonker for posting this up on here !! )

Hi Blackjack - good of you to post.

I suppose I have been pondering as I have come to realize I am not really a compulsive gambler but instead just don't like losing. I can't claim to have won or lost loads as I only put back what I win with a little extra. I can't claim to have maxed out cards missed any payments and feel a bit of a fraud as there are so many others who need help and encouragement far more than me.

I do have control as I stop when I need to.

I will definitely stick around as all big problems usually start from something small.

Sorry for rambling - I need to chill out more in life generally.

Hope all is well with you Blacky.

All I need to realize is if you can't ever bear to lose then don't play the game.

Hi Dave

Glad to hear that all's pretty much OK in Daveland.

You musn't feel guilty about posting your trials and tribulations on here just because you haven't plumbed the depths. Like you I feel pretty much in control but it's how you feel about your own situation personally that counts. Some on here have lost more on the single turn of a card than you've lost in a lifetime but it still feels massive to you. I think you just need to try and keep your gambling losses in perspective. Many on here would give their right arm to be in our position.....we just need to make sure we don't lose control and get ourselves in the s*it.

Speaking of which..... Liverpool have made a bit of a mess in welcoming Kenny back. Would anyone have thought that lil 'ol Blackpool would have done the double over them ?? I'm not a Liverpool fan but history tells us that returning managers rarely do the business second time round. On a smaller stage Alex Ferguson's son has returned to Peterborough, albeit after less than 12 months away, and I really can't see him recapturing the good times there either.

Time will tell...

Blackjack

Brilliant observation Blackjack - I have to keep perspective, not just to this, but to several other things in my life - but need to make sure I keep in control.

If losing makes me miserable then I need to stop - same with anything. Everything we do has consequences and if you can't deal with the consequences don't get involved. What;s that saying ' if you don't want to do the time - don't commit the crime'. Well something like that lol.

I have never posted this before but I had a fairly strict religious upbringing where I had it drilled into me that gambling, drinking alcohol, tobacco use and drugs are wrong so I guess a big part of me just things I am wrong by gambling full stop which is why I really beat myself up badly.

I guess that each of these things can lead to problems so can understand to an extent why I was warded of them beacause when things go wrong someone has to help people recover. For the record, I have never smoked, never been within a mile of drugs, an a light drinker (boring git most of the readers will be thinking).

As for the footy - not the best of starts but really encouraged by the first half today and there were plenty of positives. Managers don't tend to work second time round but I think at the current time KD is the man to bring stability, increase confidence and build the foundations again. It's a litte different as he has been watching the games for years so has not really been away and has been heavily involved with the acadamy so knows who is ready to step up. As you can tell I am bias and time will indeed tell.

I must keep posting and thanks again for your encouragement. What an odd bod I am!

King Kenny drove you over the edge? 😛

I saw him on Blackpool beach last week wearing 'sack me quick' hat...

As for the dreaded gambling...hold my hand and talk us through it Dave...

Hi Dave

It's interesting what you've revealed about your upbringing.

As dear old Philip Larkin says in ' This Be The Verse ' ...." They f**k you up, your mum and dad. Thay may not mean to, but they do ". How true or not this is I really cannot say but it does sound as though your parents were of the ' fire & brimstone ' variety. By being strict with you maybe they've unintentionally instilled in you an ultra-cautious outlook on life ?

As far as gambling goes this is by no means a bad thing, but, disregarding here the possibility of an after-life, we're here for only a fairly short length of time time so a little bit of s*x & drugs & rock 'n roll makes life a tad more interesting perhaps ? ( lol )

As a pretty staid conformist individual myself - but one prone to over indulgence in alcohol it must be said - I can't help feeling that it can't have been all bad being someone like Freddy Mercury ......

Blackjack

Blackjack & Matt - thanks for your additions.

Blackjack - I honestly believe that our parents, or as parents we always do what we think is best for our children, or to put it another way we don't purposely try and steer our children down the wrong path.

It wasn't really my parents who particulalry spoke about the rights and wrongs of the things I mentoned in the previous post but these were the beliefs of the church I was sent us to who invest an awful lot of time helping people who do things to the the extreme so I can understand why they do not endorse the activities that lead to the problems.

This said, as we all know everything in moderation can be fun and I agree we are only here once and must have as much fun as possible - its when the fun disappears we have to take action.

Matt - well what can I say. I have started dabbling on the roulette machine again - this is where I am:-

I have noticed that lots of people fall by the wayside with their diaries and assume this is generally for one of three reasons:-

1. Enthusiasm has gone and can no longer be bothered

2. Have managed to achieve what they wanted to so no longer feel the need to post

3. Have started to gamble again and not had a loss (particulaly a big loss).

Well - I am currently at number 3 so things now get really interesting.

Can I maintain control ? - possibly but unlikely

Will I be posting details of another disaster (from my point of view) soon ? - possbily and likely

My aim has never been not to gamble again and I accept when it goes wrong I have to live with the consequences. My aim is to learn control ie accept I cannot win everytime.

As things stand at the moment I have won a few quid although as we know this is a temporary loan which will be paid back. I am really going to try and show some control which for me will mean if I lose a bit, I walk away. Can I do it - only time will tell!

One thing I am not going to do is tell fibs so although I know I will get some flack I am still going to post my progress and appreciate I am probably setting myself up for a fall - only time will tell!

Thanks again for all your support buddy.

Hi Dave

I do so enjoy reading your posts. You're so honest which is of course the big plus of being able to post anonymously on here. But not everyone is so honest so well done to you.

Strangely enough I'm at the same point as you. Since 12th December and up until yesterday I've had just one short session on the FOBT's and loss about £30. I've had a strong urge to return over the last week or so and caved in yesterday. As it happens I won £20 and now, as you say, things get interesting.....

I think most people find it almost impossible to take a break from gambling after they've had a win, however small. Gamblers in debt dream of the big, big win to clear everything off and not gamble ever again. Rarely, if ever, does this happen, especially not gambling again. Gamblers not in debt still dream of a life-changing win but I suspect that in the unlikely event that that should happen it wouldn't bring an end to their gambling.

So where do we both go from here ? I think we both know the answer to that one but as I've said numerous times before we're pretty conservative types - in my case with a small 'c' I hasten to add - so I think we just need to ' go with the flow '. Try not to treat each loss a a personal disaster, Dave, as in the grand scheme of things it really isn't that bad.

You've amply demonstrated a lifetime of caution and money is there to be spent, isn't it ? True, gambling can be seen as a waste of money but life isn't just about accumulating possessions. I'll happily spend £200/£300 on a night out in the West End with my wife at the theatre, but, other than a programme and a ticket stub we won't have anything to physically show for it. Other people spend thousands on exotic holidays which then disappear with the sun tan. True, gambling generally produces bad not good feelings but, in moderation, it can add a buzz to peoples lives.

I'm certain that such an honest character as yourself won't be getting any flak for admitting where you are right now Dave. People won't think any worse of you and I think you're held in respect on here. I do suspect though that some must be wondering why you're so cut up about you're gambling. As you know I fall firmly into that camp too.

It's really a choice between accepting that you like a little dabble or putting all the blocks in place to ensure you can't. But I really don't think you need to do that.

Best wishes

Blackjack

Great and well received post Blackjack - thanks.

I am going to try so hard to keep in control - it won't be easy but I will try. I also want you to do the same and know you will make a real effort.

All I have to do is realise there are times with situations to just walk away at the right time - and if I can do that it will make a significant difference.

Just because I am not totally abstaining I see no need not to post as its part of the journey - and besides its a little selfish to only post when we are in trouble.

Under usual circumstances because I am gambling I would keep off the site - maybe that's the problem and keeping the posts going on my diary will help. And besides I want to keep encouraging others.

Thanks again.

I am now starting to realise why in the past I have ceased posting on my diary during periods on non-abstainance.

There is little to say as this is not the time or place to mention whether it is going good, bad or indifferent. Lets face it folks however it is going unless I learn control it will only end one way.

Dave,

A quick post for yourself and blackjack.

This forum is not only for people who have done their nuts and are up to their eyes in gambling debts. It is for people who have issues with their gambling. Therefore you have the 'right' to be here as much as anyone else.

I hope you recognise your current 'logic' to be what it is.... an addiction related urge. Why did you feel the need to come here in the first place ? Are you prepared to allow yourself to feel like that again?

Brian

Thanks Brian - what you have said makes a whole lot of sense and deep deep down I know I am playing with fire and will get burnt.

Thank you also for your views on me staying on the forum - my aim is to very much do that.

I do maintain I am and never have been totally out of control but at the same time recognise many bigger gambling issues often start as something small so it feels right for me to appreciate I am vunerable and keep a diary.

I am no where near as naive as I used to be but maybe just as stupid!

Thanks again Brian.