Day 1 after a huge relapse

Posted by: @b35wu7ym1z

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starting over after a huge relapse , I have so many bills and last night I dug my hole even deeper and now I’m in more trouble than before . 
im going to posting my recovery every day . I wish I had no arms to play the slot machines . This addiction is ruining my life . October 5 , 2024 day 1 

Hello Harry

Thank you for sharing this – it takes a lot of courage to start over.

Your financial situation sounds really stressful and I can hear you’re feeling trapped in a hole with bills etc. It can feel overwhelming when you have money difficulties and I wondered whether you would like to speak to our Money Guidance Service. The service doesn’t offer financial advice but the team are there to support and guide you around financial issues. You can phone our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or you can use the live chat service (both available 24 hours a day) to get a referral.

The information on the Citizens UK website around debt and money could be useful to you and we have also produced a factsheet on debt advice and support with details of organisations in the UK that offer support and advice.

I’d also encourage you to get in touch with our Helpline if you wanted to chat about everything and hear more about what could help you keep your progress going.

I am glad you’re going to keep posting about your recovery – taking it one day at a time and documenting how it’s going is really useful.

Wishing you well,

Claire

Forum Admin

Day 6 today . the regret and shame that I destroyed my life by gambling gets really overwhelming but I know I have to move forward , this last relapse nearly killed me I know for sure I wouldn’t be able to survive another relapse . I spent last 20 years gambling every dollar I made and I made a lot millions of dollars I made more than anyone in my family and I’m the poorest I have nothing of value I sold everything I bought to gamble even my car . it’s crazy how an addiction can completely destroy persons life . I just want peace now and a roof over my head which I stil have but not for long if ever go back again to gambling . 

Hi Peter,

Gambling WILL destroy your life IF YOU LET IT. You seem like someone who's bright, intelligent & knows

where this is heading. Shame is where you don't share, can't accept the losses are gone forever.

Pride is where you can open up without fear of shame knowing there are many like you facing the same struggles. Pride is rebuilding ( not an easy journey ) brick by brick.

Peace is where you can wake up each morning & have no fear of what you did yesterday. Then think so why can't I do the same thing today. 

ONE DAY AT A TIME

Best Wishes

AL

13 days clean after 20 and a half years of severe debilitating insane addiction , every day I’m clean I realize what damage I did to my life and to those around me by my gambling , my addiction is very severe , I had so many relapses over the last 20,5 years literally thousands of relapses , this last relapse 13 days  ago was especially brutal I was ready to end it all . That’s how severe my addiction is , I never wanna go back , I’m having bad anxiety today but so far no urges which is good , I really want to work on the ga steps but been avoiding it I realy need to do it . every day without any gambling is paradise . 

16 days clean . I keep thinking how I completely ruined my life by gambling I had great jobs great opportunities in my life and I gambled it all , my car . Every paycheck for last 20,5 years I lost gambling , now I’m almost homeless , nothing to show for all those years of hard work , a life completely wasted and ruined by gambling , the biggest loser on earth because of my gambling addiction . 

Peter, what are you doing aside from posting? I.e what are you doing to help yourself? You know it's very unlikely to be enough if posting here is all your doing, you have so much emotional fuel right now, what can you use that for to help you long term.  

I didn't make millions but on a different scale I did all the same as you and it's still a sickening amount of money

I'm still an addicted gambler, just for today I will choose to not gamble, it's now 7.5 years since my last bet

I had a goal, to sit on the beach with an ice cream that is paid for from money I owned whilst owing nothing to anyone else, took so long I had to caveat that with, aside from my mortgage.

That c**P ice,cream from a c**P vendor in crappy UK weather was the best ice-cream I've ever tasted

How are you doing Peter? Still managing gf days? Sending positive thoughts and vibes xx