Day 1 March 1st

Hi T

An old saying but nonetheless a true one! If nothing changes then nothing changes. You now have a choice to make in your life. Do you want to carry on in the same manner that has landed you in this mess or do you want to change. You are never to young to start recovery so start thinking about what you can do to make change. Self exclusion is a powerful tool that works. Maybe giving bank card to parents or close friend. Seek counselling through Gamcare. Software blocker. Go to GA. It is your choice what you do and there is no one right way to succeed. Keep posting and reading as this is a great help in the early days

Take care

Thanks for the reply Smiler. I'll take your words on board. GA meeting something I tried before but I can't say I got the full benefit of it, maybe because I wasn't putting 100% in. Not being honest with myself or others.

That's day one completed just about. Bit of a weird day, feeling not very much. Not used to doing nothing on a Saturday. Usually play rugby on a Saturday. But no gambling which is the big positive.

Tomorrow is a another fresh day. A nice 9 mile run to look forward to in preparation for doing a marathon in May. That should keep me occupied over the next few months.

I am addicted to gambling, but today I have no gambling to report.

Cheers, T.

Day 2,

Just woke up this morning. feeling a bit more positive than yesterday, sleeping better will have helped. looks a lovely day outside, cracking for a run infact.

Got the more daunting task of sitting down with my mum tonight to look at how I will survive tonight. Can't imagine that will be fun, but got to face consequences. think this really is my last chance at putting things right.

Just for today a I will not gamble.

Cheers,, T

Hi T

You don't need anymore chances this is it! You are in recovery now stay here. Abstain and maintain is all you need to do. Don't fight or struggle with gambling as it will steel as much time from you as when you were gambling. Learn to accept a different way of life avoiding any chances to gamble. You'll know when you're setting yourself up to gamble so nip it in the bud. Take it easy on yourself

Over half way through day 2nd and not much to write home about. Conversation in the house is still not too great, think people still taking in my latest blip.

I've started watching a Prison Break, my favourite TV show from start again . Couple hours of football tonight to look forward to. Small bit of temptation to look for another loan this morning but didn't in the end.

Thanks for the words again Smiler. Acceptance that gambling should no longer be part of my life is hard to do. After all for past 2 years it was always on my mind. But a happy future for myself will be gamble free.

Cheers, T

Way to go Tallone! It takes time but you have plenty to look forward to. The pain and misery will wait a lifetime if you want it back. As for me I say no thank you on a daily basis and leave it at that. Only for today I will not gamble.

Take care

Well that's day 2 done and no gambling again. Just finished a discussion with my mum. Has made me think a bit. Parents are going beyond the point of call to help me this month. Just wish I was a more open person as I really do appreciate the help I just struggle to show that I care. Another goal for me to work on. Football was good despite the pouring rain. Let my brain switch of for a brief period.

Thanks for the response again Smiler. Curious as to whether you have a your own recovery diary that I could read? Would love to our contribute if possible.

I am a gambling addict it today I have no gambling to report

Night, T

Day 3 and no gambling to report today so far. Just finished work for the day and the sun is shining, in a pretty good mood today actually. feeling a bit more motivated than over the weekend. Just about to head out for a run too. so nice and busy.

Every Monday night I travel to Motherwell for college on the Tuesday. This is usually one of the harder days of the week. But I know tonight I'm going for to be strong and not give In to that quick 5 minutes in the bookies.

Will be back later tonight.

Cheers, The.

Hi T

I do have a diary but use it only on and off as been around quite some time. I like to read new people's diaries and offer a little support. The rawness of your posts is enough of a reminder what is there for me if I return to the crazy days of cheating and lying. Incidentally I am not too far from you if you could make it to Paisley there is some good counselling on offer there! Keep striding forward

Day 3 and the 3rd succesive gamble free day. Straight of the train and into the taxi to my accomodation for the night, what a relief. Just got to do the same on the way home. Overall I've had a better, relatively good mood. Work went well and so did my run. Loan compaines sniping around put abit of a dampner on but I know this recovery journey will not be easy.

Found myself listening to the same song alot today. I will quote some lyrics from it...

You wanna take, take, take, take, take it away from me.

Go get carried away.

Then later in the song...

I reserve my right to feel uncomfortable reserve my right to be afraid.

Cast your stones, cast your judgement, you don't make me who I am.

Gambling only ever wants to take from you, and if you let it, it will target you when your at your weakiest suffering.

From other recovery diaries I've read I imagine other people who suffer from this addiction could relate to the second set of lyrics too. We have all made mistakes and we all want to be better people in our recovery. " Cast your stone, cast your judgement, you dont make me who I am" is the part that has got me. Only past two years I have let gambling dictate the person I am. From now on gambling will not control my life.

I am a gambling addict but for the 3rd day in a row I have no gambling to report.

Cheers, T.

Day 4 is here and optimistic of another gamble free day. Didn't sleep as well as I could last night. Probably the ongoing money problems hanging over my head. My mum is bending over backwards to dig me out of the fiancial mess I've put myself in, I am forever grateful.

The brief period of time I attended GA meetings once a week, there was one thing a man said to me that has be been at the forefront of my head the last couple of days. "|The only way you win is if you don't place the first bet, if you don't place the first bet, you can't place the second". Today I will be a winner.

Cheers, T.

Been avoiding posting last few days as I had a blip on Tuesday and was ashamed. However cowardedness away solves so back to posting everyday at least twice a day.

Since Tuesday I've had a okay few days. No gambling to report is the major positive. However I did fail my driving test, which isn't such a positive. Will be back tonight with a full review.

Abstain and maintain,

cheers, The.

Hi Tallone

Sorry to hear about your blip but well done in picking yourself up and getting back on the wagon. It shows great strength of character that you are doing this and try and figure out what caused your blip so that you can avoid it in the future. well done and keep strong.

linda

Hello again,

Apologies about my lack of posting, I have decided to limit my internet access and switch to a non smartphone so my replies will be less frequent.

Feeling pretty good about things, was away at the weekend with my rugby team to Cardiff, my boss put up money for me to go, which I am very appreciative of. It was good to get away for a weekend and have a care free laugh.

Payday is fast approaching again and this is usually when things go wrong. But, I am feeling pretty good about things just now, when I think about gambling now, its moving away from desperation to gamble to looking for ways to avoid gambling, I will hopefully be going to my first counseling session by next weekend.

The job is to try and eliminate blips. The hardest time is when I go to college on a Tuesday in Motherwell. This Tuesday I went and placed a measly £2 bet, but thats still £2 too much.

I'm still going to try and post quite frequently, but thats all for tonight.

Cheers, T.

Day 2 - I am a problem gambler but today I have not gambling to report.