DAY 1 - minute 1

Sorry about family tragedy and well done on the 65 days Linda, keep going strong!

thanks captain & much appreciated x

keeping strong

linda x

Oh Linda heart goes out to you in my thoughts take care hitthefanx

Morning Linda

Sorry for taking a while to come back to you - the site was down again last night for a while.

I'm so so sorry to hear of your family's personal tradgedy - you all must be heartbroken about the whole situation. When you hurt, we hurt.

Thanks so much for the lovely post on my diary and for the rallying call on the challenge thread - you're amazing! You should be so proud of your strength of character - coping with everything that life is throwing at you and still managing to stay gamble free - you are such an inspiration.

Hope you and the rest of the family come through this and please know you are in my family's thoughts and prayers.

God bless,

Mr B

thanks for your post mr b- much appreciated!

well its day 66 for me and im finding everything a little tough lately. from whats happened with my auntie to the constant rain and misery. I feel like i am trying everything to get my life in order and everything is out to destroy it. my partner even asked if it would help if i started back to bingo once a week. he said to only take a few quid and that is all i will lose! I asked him very nicely never to suggest that to me again! i think he is just desperate to cheer me up because I have been feeling very down this last few days.

I am trying to save for a wedding that I am not even sure we both want- he says he does but i am not sure he means it and to be honest i dont know if it is the right thing either. I dunno, now I have whole family telling me that it will be something for everyone to look forward to after whats happened so now i have to do it whether we like it or not. Its not that I dont love him its just we have been together for 8 very tough years and we havent really ever had really happy times bar the kids. Our kids are our centre and if it wasnt for them we would probably not be together. But we are both very traditional and want the family unit. we dont argue very much and are good friends so I really hope this is enough.

It does feel as though I am bending myself to fit down this road that is alien to me. Maybe its the breaking of habit that it tough (I havent really replaced my gambling time with anything purposeful yet) so I should just ride this storm and hopefully the sun will come out soon- in more ways than one!

Linda

Thanks for the post Linda I appreciate your support as I am struggling at the moment.

re the wedding, speaking from past experience, if you have doubts at all, dont do it, consider all the options and implications, of which there are many.

Hope you find things to replace the gambling time soon but in the meantime just try and find some relaxation time for yourself. We all need that.

thanks captain

yes i do need to do something to relax- ive never really been very good at it as im always on the go. maybe i should look into yoga or something like that.

I know it isnt great to go through with the wedding when there are major doubts but we are both going into it knowing that it wont be all hearts and flowers- we have managed to get through some serious times together and even though the big love and romance isnt there (never really was there anyway) we can still be happily married with our kids and live the rest of our lives together. Might be being naive but cant see any other way now anyway. I might be settling but I am a believer in things built on hard work and dedication rather than love that can come and go too easily.

Linda

Hey Linda

Me again!! Just read through your posts and wanted to drop a note with some thinking - you've said that you love the forum because you can read and post, read and leave but also disregard anything you don't want to take on.......which is a good thing.......so please feel free to do with this bit of thinking anything you like!! Lol!!

re the wedding, it's interesting to read your perspectives but also confusing that someone so clear on how they feel would want to go ahead with something as important as getting married. Now I ain't exactly an expert.....one divorce, a second marriage and now separated isn't exactly the credentials for giving advice!!

However, here's the "thinkers".......don't underestimate the impact that the gambling has had on you both......add on to that the stresses and strains of stretched finances, guilt of gambling, the kids, work, sleep deprivation and the horror of the last week and it's hardly surprising that you're feeling a lack of excitement for things. Equally, you haven't been feeling the best about yourself either.

Something I've been doing is trying to do is look out old pictures that remind me of pre-gambling times......or trying to remember what life was like when I didn't have the worries of being a "grown up". I also plan to create a visual board that I can put on all the things that I want to achieve in life......so I can look at it every day and at least know parts of my destination.......your kids laughing and happy would probably be the first thing on yours......can you visualise a future that would include him then maybe you are doing the right thing.......if he's not on your life board in your head then maybe you should take some time out (both of you), postpone the wedding (and use the excuse of all the things that are going on just now) and use this time to give yourselves space to test the theories.......and the time to find your new normality - we all need to find a post gambling normality.

Anyway, just some thinking......but I think I already know you well enough that you wouldn't just do something because someone expects you to do it. Another one of the sh1tty things in life is that the right thing to do is very seldom the easy thing to do.

Take care super woman,

Mr Brightside

PS we're still praying x

hey mr b i am very drunk right now-waited all night for myparents to come back.i willl post more sober tomorrow x god willing x

linda

Hey Linda,

Hope you got the news from the folks you were hoping for? Also hope that the head isn't too sore. I think a few glasses is allowed after the week and a bit you've had.

Catch up at some point Mrs and well done for staying clean. Proud to be walking this journey with you.

Mr Bx

Hi Linda

thanks for the post. It is in no small way due to this Forum and people like you posting to me that I am able to continue to abstain.

If I can do it so can you! Hope you haven't got too much of a hangover today. I don't drink so never have that problem!

hey all

So yesterday was tough lol- self inflicted but managed to get through the day. Had a lot of family over so the cooking kept my mind off the hangover!

Mr B - thanks for your post, everything that you have written makes perfect sense to me and I know I would never do something just because others expects me to. I do agree that gambling has put a strain on our relationship at times however I think we are just 2 people who found themselves together and then things got complicated. Neither of us wants to split up because we want to be a family. If that means that the sparks arnt flying well thats fine by me. All that matters to me are the kids so I will do whatever it takes to make them happy.

thanks captain for your kind words, im now off the drink for a while because i overdid it on the wine this week! need to detox!

Linda

Congratulations on reaching day 70 Linda x

thanks babybluesky and well done to you too!

So, just back from weymouth after a couple of days blowing the cobwebs off at the beach. Dont feel as good as I could if I didnt eat like a seaside pony and have a cheeky wine or two but it really helped to relax and enjoy the kids after the last few weeks. It was the first time away since stopping and it was so refreshing not to be looking around for a bookies to stick a bet on or to be thinking about getting internet so i could spin the reels till the early hours!

Anyway, time for bed and my god will I sleep- weymouth beach was lovely yesterday with the sun out but spending 3 hours down there this morning was fiendish!

Linda xxxx

Hi Linda, well done on your gambling free journey.

It is nice to have a break and it gives you time to reflect and have quality time with the kids.

Take care and stay strong.

LG