Today is Day 3 that I have stopped gambling. I self-excluded myself from all gambling sites and I started to write a plan to recover my lost in 7 months(210 Days) which I must do it.First 2 days was hard and I tried to read all advices from this community to encourage myself.
But I still feel bad and guilt inside, and I cannot tell anyone ,also my wife. My wife has postpartum depression and just gave birth to my first kid. I still feel bad for her as well. She cannot work, so only single income by myself.
I lost almost of 60k (last year) and this year Jan until May I tried to chase it back and end up losing another 20k. Luckily I still have another 15k of cash in my bank account which I was going to placed last bet but I stopped before. I think it's my last chance so I need to stop it and recover with my plan.
Many of you may say that I should tell my wife and become clean to her. But in my case, I cannot and I've been thinking of it for 2-3 days that if I tell my wife, things will get worse. I need to be only one responsible for this , ahe shouldnt face this sutuation and I still have good income to recover in 7 months.Â
I need advice if I made a right decision. I think I can hide it for 7 months as I still have some cash left to pretend that everything is ok,but only thing is.. will I be able to overcome the feeling and secret kept in my mind in another 7 months?Â
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To add on, I set a goal to recover only 20k which I lost this year. I try to save 2-3k each month for 7 months, so that's why I set 210 day goal.
Another 60k I lost last year, I will let it go and never think about it again.
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Hi,Â
Well done for coming on here and opening up.Â
My advice - Firstly, let go of the losses, don’t even think about them. All it will do is take you all the way back there. Secondly, same as everyone else, open up to someone. Your wife will find out, one way or another. The lies always come out. As much as it will be the hardest thing you do, it will also be the best thing. Write a letter is an option?Â
I’m almost 2 years GF and I suffered with the addiction for 5 years. In those 5 years, it obviously started off nothing serious. 4 years in to it I had run up tens of thousands of pounds in my name and in my husband’s name (without him knowing) I was on this site a lot and everyone was so lovely, but they said to open up. March 2022 a load of bank statements came through the post when I wasn’t home, my husband opened them. I had to come clean. Well, I did, partly!! I held back with some bits (the addiction wants this, so it still has you in its grips)Â
Anyway, I didn’t gamble for 5 months. I got complacent, thought I was ok. How wrong was I? Within hours I was back to but in a worse position than before. This went on 15 months, my husband had no idea, thought I had stopped. I doubled the debt and July 2023 I hit rock bottom! In just 5 days time I was going to be faced with 5 loan payments and 3 credit card payments that I couldn’t pay (most in his name) and he was going to find out and the full extent of it.Â
Fast forward to now and it was the best thing to happen to me. He supported me throughout it all, took over financial control (something we should have done in March 22) I ruined so many options for him as he has had to go through StepChange for the huge amount of debt I created for him.
The addiction wants you to keep secrets, to lie, to feel like you’re the only one in the world going through it. The moment you open up, you’re already a winner. You need to grab hold of every bit of help and support you can get. You cannot do this on willpower alone.Â
Please think about opening up, but in the meantime, be kind to yourself. This is an illness you’re dealing with.Â
Wishing you all the best,
Claire x
Hi Claire,
Thank you for your kind advice. I'm trying to forget about loss and let it go. Today I read about brain of gamblers and it makes me understand myself better that I lost control and bet heavier because gambling was designed in that way. It makes us win some and then lost all at some point. Whoever started gambling will end up like this even a very lucky person, and whoever can really stop will be able to recover. It makes me feel better and I dont feel like playing any more.
Only problem I have now is I need to deal with the bad feeling and guilty alone, so I think I will try to go to therapist tomorrow. So at least I open it up to some one.
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But I'm not quite ready to tell my wife and I think she is not ready as well. But I promise to myself that I will do it one day.
I will surely update in this dairy, I will be able to do it one day.
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Thanks again for replying my dairy. I really feel better with your advice.
@zi7dbcv2qk yes definitely get in touch with a therapist. Also, look at Gordon Moody, they offer retreats and counselling! I did their 12 week programme which consisted of 2 retreats. First one was 3 nights, the 2nd one was 2 nights, then you got weekly counselling in between and afterwards. It really was the best thing I did.You learn so much about gambling and yourself. This may be something to consider if you decide to tell your wife.Â
Take one day at a time but please, please don’t hold on to any guilt. You didn’t choose for this to happen. When I accepted that I was and will always be a compulsive gambler, it was a breath of fresh air. You also have to accept that you will never ever win, you’ll never be up, you won’t ever get the losses back. Even if you got a big win, it would all go back in and more, you’ll never beat the gambling industry.Â
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