Day 5 new diary

Today has been the toughest yet. Tuesday was my last bet, my last big loss.

While I don't feel the urge to gamble today I feel a lot of regret.

I was betting on football but large stakes on favourites. As we all know the favourite doesn't always win.

The crazy thing is when chasing losses my mind was so warped by gambling. Even before my bet won I was already looking fixtures for the next weeks ahead planning 2 sometimes 3 bets in advance.

Had I not lost on Tuesday the bet I had planned for this weekend would have came in. A very strange feeling. I am happy not to have gambled but feel sick that if i placed the bet I planned I would have won.

I must remember this would have only been a short term win and I would have lost again eventually.

I must remember how bad life was when stuck in the cycle. I couldn't focus on anything, zombie like. I didnt enjoy the things in life I did before. I felt like I constantly had a head ache.

Now I am here, more present and alert to what's going on around me.

Here I am about to be 1 week gamble free. Tuesday will be one week on from my big loss.

The weekend was tough. The last time I banned myself on gamstop I wasn't aware there were other betting sites that could get past this. I said in my last post that my planned bet for the weekend would have came in had I betted. This got me a little bit tempted and I even searched online for the first time ever " bookies not covered by gamstop". I was shocked and opened one and even started making some doubles and trebles for football to check the odds. Thankfully I DID NOT SIGN UP OR BET ANYTHING.

I got scared at how easy it was and immediately installed gamban software. I feel confident now I have absolutely no access to online gambling.

Today I have had no urges. The main thing I am struggling with is the pain of my loss. I can't believe I allowed myself to lose money I worked for months to save up. Roughly £5,300.

I keep asking myself. Why I didn't stop after 1k, 2k, 3k etc. But I guess as compulsive gamblers that is not how our brains work. The more I lost the more I wanted it back.

I need to remember how chasing losses has made me feel. I feel sick I lost my savings but know I could not continue. It is like a feeling of grief, I know over time it should subside but still feels very raw right now.

Rather than growing this year will just be another year of recuperating losses by the looks of it.

@hoofyboy 

Hey up mate, I've read your diary.

Well done for staying clean and signing up to Gamban.

Make sure you take advantage of GamCares partnership where they cover the costs of your subscription. 

Like you I had searched for places not on GamStop and it really is shocking how many there are so GamStop can only help so much.

I had actually signed up though and now get spammed by multiple dodgy casinos each and every day as they obviously sell your data to other predatory betting sites. 

Stay strong and let's f**k them by not giving them another penny. 

Thanks for reading mate.

Gonna try keep it up. Even if it's just for reference to myself. Would love to look back on this 3 months, 6 months or a year from now and see how far I've came.

1 week gamble free. Still a long way to go mentally from where I want to be but definitely feel a lot better than I did a week ago.

Hope everything going well with you and your still going strong.

DAY 8

Just finishing up day 8 of being GF. Still hurts a lot but taking each day as it comes.

Still can't forget my loss and it is still the first thing that pops in my head when I wake up in the morning.

I know from previous losses this feeling can take a while to subside. Let's see how long it takes this time.

Who knows? Maybe won't feel normal again until I have earned everything back.

Either way need to focus and remember how bad life was when I was gambling.

8 days and counting.

@hoofyboy I'm now on day 18. Still going!

I think it will take a bit longer for me to get over my losses but I'm not risking giving them any more money. 

The temptations to gamble returned last night but I said no! I'm determined not to give in. 

Stick at it mate. Well done on finishing day 8.

@d602n8icoj 

Well done mate in resisting the urges to bet.

Hope you are still going strong on day 20 now.

Day 10 for me, feel good to hit double figures.

I know the losses hurt mate. It takes time to get over. We must remember we are in very early days. Hopefully after a few weeks/months everything eases a bit.

I lost big in the past and it definitely took a bit of time to heal. Need to make sure this was the last time.

Most important thing is to stay gamble free.

Have a good weekend mate 👍 

@hoofyboy 

I am indeed on day 20!

Well done for making it to day 10. 

I'm still getting temptations admittedly, but am remaining in control. 

Resist, resist, resist. 

How's it going hoofy?

I f****d up... 

Hope you're still going strong mate. 

DAY 19 GAMBLE FREE

Haven't wrote for a while but proud to say still going strong. Gamban and gamstop has really helped. I have no access at all to online gambling which was my weakness. Losing a bet then immediately grabbing my phone and putting on another large stake was so easy and I was trapped for so long.

Things have been getting easier. The pain of my loss has definitely not gone away totallly. I still think about it a lot but I would say it is easing a bit. These next months would have been much more comfortable had I not lost big at the start of the year. I can't change the past and just need to get on with it now.

Looking forward to being 1 month gamble free.

Weldone mate achieving 19 days gamble that great achievement on a positive note atleast you are not in debt im currently on day 629 without a bet my lowest point was going into debt which i have now paid off has far as regret goes i lost in region off 150-£250k life time losses i still have regrets why didnt i start this proccess early it hard to come to terms with everything due to my health conditions im currently working part time this sum of money could have bought me a propertly and could have helped in many along with the time wasted which i will never get back over 18 years period has far as life going i couldnt ask for anything more if u could get head start slowely but surely your life will get much better with thid addiction i would advise u to put all block in place and get has much suppprt to battle this illness it a life long process and i too couldnt believe how much it taken out off me however on a postive note it possible to have a bet free life and their many other who remain bet free one thing i learnt their no short cuts it a slow process however it does get better to a point whereu forget about the past i did manage 3 years within that period just after covid i made the biggest mistake off my life and went back to gambing has long as u move forward your life will turn out great if it Ga or Gamcare what ever helps for me Gamcare the best thing to happen has i need reminder from time to time and reading stories on here keep my mind fresh as i am the problem

@hoofyboy 

Well done mate. I'm now on day 7 again. 

Keep up the good work. 

HI @tazman

Thanks for your message and well done on over 600 days gamble free. I can relate to a lot of what you said as like yourself I also escaped gambling for a few years then got sucked back in. As you say, there are no short cuts to beating this addiction. We must have all the blocks in place and remain vigilant at all times.  Together with this community supporting each other we can beat this! Keep going mate strong 💪 

DAY 28 4 weeks gamble free 

Today I have reached 4 weeks gamble free. I am feeling better and positive but I can never be complacent and think I have beat this. It happened in the past. I thought I had beat the problem and could safely just have a bet as a bit of fun, then got sucked in a big whole again.

I have not been writing as much as when I first started but I do login often to read others stories to keep motivated.

Looking forward to passing 1 full month GF this week.