Day 9
New year new start
Haven't gambled, won't gamble, feeling pretty confident on that level and feel my slip up was down to a number of things colliding at once, having said that, not taking any chances this time. Just been paid and that money is more valuable then ever, after my relapse and blowing 1500 on the 30th in about 3 hrs. It still hurts and if that didn't happen I would of been doing so well, I did doubt weather I could do this up till a few days ago but thinking back in the 30 days I stopped I only had the one or two urges that I had to fight. I've handed over my bank card to the misses, I've opened another account with no overdraft, which I will be depositing my weekly money into this should prevent any big blow outs which are so damaging to me and my fam!
On way to work, glad to get the 1st week out the way this week has been LONG! Hated going back on my first day but slowing getting into it again, and looking forwards to clearing some depts and going on holiday, also been promising to take my misses horse riding for the last two years,hopefully for a weekend, not sure on that one never done it before, should be a good laugh at my expense! Hope your all doing well and chat soon! Steve..
well done steve. i also hated going back to work. i hate work generally and maybe i saw gambling as a different career. what a mistake! anyway day 34 for me but it's got really tough in these depressing times and im itching and scratching my way each day and hour at a time. keep the faith
Hi Steve.
Glad to see you doing well again and feeling better about it all.
Take care.
Feb.
Day 16
Not gambled and only thinking and kicking myself about my 2 hour relapse costing me 1500 I have now put the barriers In place to stop me even trying, I'm constantly worrying planning my wages before I even get them due to my depts although if I stay on track shouldn't take forever to clear. I really do feel like I'm done with gambling and I haven't even thought about doing so since, I went 30 days before the relapse and feel that one little half hour caught me out and now I'm paying for it! I'm starting to think it was like a hobby and I'm over it now, if you knew me you would understand, 1000s of £ worth of diving gear in cupboard 1000s of photography gear in cupboard collecting dust along with all the other stuff from my 1 year hobbys, just now I need a new one although I have been drawing with in the spare hour I get. During that time I was gambling I feel it did shut off my ambitions and motivations as I did nothing along with gambling, (the lack of money would of made sure of that anyway) ....anyways on way to work I got that Friday feeling and it's odd to start feeling that again. Can't wait to spend it with my family as I don't get to see them much leaving for work at 530am getting home at 7pm most nights. Enjoy your weekend everyone!
Morning all, Cold one at that!
Starting to feel really annoyed at my last relapse now, as I would be on day 50 but had that one time relapse, it really knocked my confidence about being able to quit for good! Thankfully now on day 20 I've started to grow some confidence again. I'm so pleased I lost that 1500 in a way as I'm sure It would of dragged the whole episode out for a few weeks more .The more I think about this gambling the more I hate it and feel I'm slowing merging through the think fog that gambling places in! Hard to see anything clearly, your relationships with others, your future, your finances, your feelings, just about everything seems disconnected. I'm only on day 20 but feeling good about it. I'm working hard to get out the red and it won't be long before my balance is plus and can start saving for the family holiday I've promised my well deserved misses and kids and of course myself. I'm better then this BS and need to remind myself daily which seems to be working well. Have a great day people, works abit of a drag but got to got want yA got to do.
Nice diary Steve. You seem to be on a journey. I can relate to that. First few attempts I got side tracked to often but right now I feel more like I know where I'm going. I am aiming for a more fulfilling life. An enjoyable one. I know it's in a certain direction but I don't know the exact way to get there yet. My long term goal is to get a more rewarding career instead of making rich people richer.
Hi Steve.
Great to read you are forging ahead in your abstinance - I am just one day ahead of you so we can hopefully support each other.
Take care and enjoy saving for that lovely family holiday.
Feb
Thanks Feb,change for your support along my journey! Hope your both well.
Although I haven't been adding much to my diary I have logged in to browse every day! This I feel has helped, I read the new comers nearly every day, to repeatedly read the same repeated story by people from all walks of life, no matter rich or poor, it's slowly sinking in to my head, that it will always end the same way, pain, hatefulness, feeling of selfishness, skint, dept, anger, depressed, and all the rest of the horrible feelings we get from gambling, today is day 31 for me my last attempted ended at day 30 losing 1500, so after reviewing I have gambled once in 60 days and the longer I don't gamble the more confidence I'm getting, I'm going to be out of dept by April and I'm buying s new car for my family to celebrate. Have to go now had a spare 5 mins. Have a great weekend people.
Hi Steve just finished work and saw your post, thanks my friend all good here and yes am enjoying life so much these days,glad to see youv'e beaten your previous record and now on day 31, well done for that and debt free is not too far away either so I read .
As for coming on here for a sneaky look around and not posting , well !! what can I say , I'm sure there's something in your contract that say's you cant do that and the word stalking was mentioned !! LOL !.
Glad to hear from you , have a great weekend buddy ! and keep the record going , you know you can do it !
Day 33
It's great to see a whole months bank statment without it being full up with in and out, in and out of 100s of £££ not knowing where I am financially? Deep down knowing exactly where I am "in the s**t" this was my 1st mini task last month and failed on day 30, so please to now see it in black and white.
Happy Monday people.
Day 34
Just thought I'd mention, I did go out on the 30th and got smashed! Went to a gig to see libertines, that was day 30! Other then NYE 1st time I've drunk since my last relapse which was also the 30th of dec. was scared I was tempting fate but did avoid throwing my money down drain! Which I'm happy with as I thought this is the sort of time that I gamble while drunk!
Hi Steve
Great to read you are still forging ahead. We are just one day apart from each other.
Keep focussing on your family and that car!
Take care and remain strong.
Feb.
Hi FEB
As your one day ahead, you can hold the torch and I can follow in your foot steps, show me how it's done FEB.
So day 35, one thing I have felt is the pressures of life,work lately. I have a stressful job with dead lines to meet and 2 baby's under 2 at home. Although I love my Fam/Job I'm wondering if gambling was a way to deal with it all in the sense that if I'm thinking about gambling I'm not thinking about life's issues, Which obviously is not the way to deal with them.
£650 paid off in the 35 days of not gambling so far and another 200 come Friday.
Take care everyone.
Hi Steve
Hopefully my torch will be bright enough for us both to go forward!
It's great that you are able to pay so much of your debt off in such a small space of time - not many can do that. I think though (like myself), I just tell myself "as long as I am paying something off each month, my debt is coming down no matter what".
Don't be too hard on yourself. My job has been very stressful lately but two babies under two is also very demanding but I'm sure, very rewarding too.
Take care and remain strong.
Feb.
Big fat juice day 37
Pay day too, going to gamble with it? Not a chance!!
It is depressing ploughing all my money into my depts but it's what needs to be done, no point in taking longer if I can do it now. It's my fault I'm in this mess!
Just wish I didn't have that slip up, would be on day 67 and 1500 more paid off.
But on the flip I've only gambled once in 67 days and I feel in a stronger position to fight this BS.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
