Hi diary,
I am reporting in gambling free today, woke up feeling quite positive today but then sudden realisation of what I have done ie gambled thousand this week and my heart sunk. I told my head look it's not coming back and this is a new day have to move forward, this is a new chapter. I spent all day cleaning and helping my husband, then played with my son, guilt came back again and I just felt so S****y, it's like a delayed hangover when you stop gambling but your still trying to feed your mind positive things so you can go forward. Need to pay some debt this week but least it's start. I was playing on website and I lost 3k but won 900 I've cashed this out and have to wait 48 hours d**n u gambling company u will NOT entice me back to waste that money! Once this is back in my account I will repay my debt it's not all but it's a start ans it's too easy to reverse that cash amount and lose it all. Head says oh go on, what If you bet higher then you could get it all back again LIES LIES, I hate this illness and I will keep fighting. I have to keep busy and remember why I ended up here, just wish the guilt would go away and the thoughts of how much money I wasted over the years, I have to forgive myself and give myself hope or I'll lose my family and home.
Thanks for listening
Well done for gamble free day yesterday!!! 🙂 Hoping today will be day 2!
Thanks who am I, fighting to live gamble free another day!!!
Day two
Feel good today albeit anxiety maybe another withdrawal symptom. Still waiting on cash out they keep making emails up to me about withdrawing it and having a bonus NO NO NO, I went online chat and I said look I want withdrawal and that's it, fed up with the lure of those companies.. I make some changes today treated my husband more kindly ie made dinner, tidied house and I know this seems trivial but gambling overtook my whole life that now I've stopped I'm looking at small positive changes and help others no matter how small. This takes the focus of me and my addiction most of the time. I'm desperate to pay all my debt off but I know it's not going to happen overnight but I have WON because I will now gain money instead of losing for years and years, I never ever technically won as I always lost and not just in finances but relationships with friends families memories and time with my young boy. Gambling will not steal any more precious time from me I'm well aware that it will always be within me but I will not lose to it, I am determined to live my only life and what I have left of it gambling free.
I keep reading everyone's stories I would be lost without this place it's a life's send
thx for commentating on my diary.
I'm sure others are better qualified to give advice, but I'd strongly recommend self excluding from your accounts & putting blocking software on your PC & phone.
I
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