dazed one

Thanks Sandra and Captain.

Will likely break my promise to post here daily as I'm heading out of town shortly to see my sister and intend to give her all the support and attention I can. Lousy sleep again last night. Back Fri and probably head directly to doc apptmt before returning home. Keep fighting folks.

Why do I have to remember everything?

Hey Carla,

Take care driving to your sisters and my thoughts are with you...will be waiting...patiently for you to log back on :-D:-D

(((((Carla)))))

Sandra xxx

Still thoughts with you:-)

You are a strong lady..keep it up!!!

S x

Hi Carla

Hope all ok for you and your sister, keep strong my friend and speak soon.

Dark Place

Hi carla just a quick drop in to say thanks for joining the thread I hope it can help. It's not bloody easy but it is do able. First check in tomorrow can't wait!!

Hi Carla,

Hope all is good with you and you had nice couple of days with ur sister.

Thoughts are with you girl

Keep strong

(((( Carla ))))

S x

Thanks.

"I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope,

For hope would be hope for the wrong thing."

T.S. Eliot

I suppose the above applies to my primary wishes/hopes for myself... to win a massive amount of money (ie. hoping for a miracle).

OR... somehow I am magically "fixed" and everything in my world made all better (ie. hoping for a miracle)

OR... knowing the above won't happen, wishing for a quick, painless death without my loved ones being affected (ie. hoping for a miracle)

I suppose I still believe in miracles, but the ones I want... the easy ones... will never be. I've spent my entire life wishing and hoping. When will I come to accept that? Ever?

Hey Carla,

Glad you had a good visit.

Now listen to me. We can't hope for miracles to happen. It is not wonderland where money falling from the sky and roses everythere you look. There is no heaven nine.

But what you can do - you can keep believing in urself. YOU can make that change for the better. Not easy way, not quick fix and d**n not fairytale.

Get up and keep fighting. Make those miracles come reality through your hard work and determination. You are not on your own and you will always have that choice you can make daily.

Now dear fighter, get ur sorry a**e back on the tread and give it another go. Never, and i mean NEVER give up giving up!!

(((Carla))))

P.s.sorry for being nasty here..but care about you and wish you better days to come.everything is possible

S x

Hi Carla

wishing you peace of mind and hoping your sister is ok and that you stay safe, just miniscule miracles but will do for now to keep you going

xxx

Thanks Dragonfly and Sandra.

Feelings lately range between blah and anxious and well, rather void of feeling. Starting gratitude meditation tomorrow. This time will try to stick with it. Gambled again as soon as pay came in but should have enough to live on. Always worry that I don't have a cushion for any emergency that may come up. Visit with sis was alright, though, it seems that virtually every visit we have has one or the other of them (her or

B-I-L) criticizing me for something or other, often in a passive aggressive way... eg. suddenly hear sister on the phone with her hairdresser asking to book an appointment for me. None available. Whew. Spat averted as I'm definitely more sensitive lately. Know I need a cut, not that my hair looks like a rats nest, but really?! It's typical, though, and I'm quite good at blocking/ignoring the pettiness most of the time. Still, feel the occasional pang. Both are highly adept at criticizing but don't seem to acknowledge their own faults all that often. We're polar opposites in many ways... me, a jeans and tshirt girl (not that I'm a slob and I do dress it up on occasion) and she, always made up and dressed to the nines.... me, loving old houses and antiques and she, living in a high end neighbourhood and always worried about what the Jones's think...me, a world traveller/adventurer (well, used to be) and she, a homebody who always wants to play it safe... me, one to push myself physically (despite my vices) and she, one with little stamina....me, one with all the vices and she, whose face turns beet red after half a glass of wine.... and I could go on. But we do love each other and support each other in our own way when the c-hips are down. Had a few cigs of my B-I-L's and then broke down and bought a pack. Still, didn't smoke nearly my usual amount. Also had a few P***s with him but kept that minimal too. It allowed me to have a couple of very solid nights sleep. Had 3 beer after my gamble the other night. Now have stopped the beer and P***s. Smoking the last of the icky, very stale, menthol cigs neighbour and friend have left here previously. Should be finishing them up today and goal will be as before... quit all vices. I really seem to do well in abstaining (but do suffer) when they aren't in front of me (other than gambling when money comes in). Guess I have to keep avoiding people who indulge as much as possible. And even though I gave in and indulged, really, I abstained far more lately than I ever have before and do feel some pride in that. And I am continuing to get more exercise than I have in a long while. Sis gave me a hoola hoop... Takes me back. I was d-amn good as a kid. Love it!

"Little progress can be made by merely attempting to repress what is evil. Our great hope lies in developing what is good."

- Calvin Coolidge

Always felt like the blacksheep of the family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?…gLbs&list=RD02mLRPXMzgLbs

Support your independent musicians.

Hi Carla,

Quick flyer by and just want to say - I AM PROUD OF YOU GIRL! You come back fighting and more determination. Stay close by and we will do it:-)

Can relate to sisters diferences. God...i am like day and night with mine ( not mentioning outside - she is dark hair i'm blonde lol)... but as you say..sisters are sisters..in heart we come close anytime we need each over.( my point of view :-)...)

Stay strong darling and thanx for posting xx

((((( C )))))

S x

Hi Carla

Sweet girl, life is a b**** and then we die ! Quoted by "most normal people"

Try to pull yourself up my friend, first thing in the morning go for a long walk and try to see what positives we have in this life, hell i am trying but its not easy 🙂 miss your posts 🙁

Take care, Dark Place x

Thanks DP. I am so sick today. Can't swallow. Head pounding. Stiff everywhere. Don't know if it's the sickness or the lack of sleep over the last while from abstaining but I just slept 14 hours. Went on a cleaning frenzy yesterday and then we had a big dump of snow which I had to shovel. Each shovel full must have weighed a ton. More later. Think I have to head to the sofa.

Oh dear..... sounds like the flu to me ! Hope you feel better soon, Dark Place

sorry to hear youve had a slip but your still here getting right back on the horse and good luck to ya. Gotta keep fighting we both know this is a hard thing to shake but we also know it can be done. I can remove you from the list ofcourse but if you would like to continue on i can always put a new start date up next to your name? let me know. I'll leave your name on there unless you tell me otherwise.

Stay strong, keep fighting!!