dazed one

yiiiiyiiiiiyiiii

Decided I need a life. When I'm in "work mode" that's all I do. Time to start striving for some balance. o*g! I just joined a drumming circle. I guess sometimes there's dancing too. I hope it's like this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UH6yC7GjqZk

Hey my big sis no 2..:-)

See u are having a good time...keep it up girl..

You know you can fo it..keep breathing and taking it day at a time 🙂

It will work..it definitely will girl 🙂

S x

Morning Carla

LP here 🙂 long and over played......

Thanks for your post, talking about vinyl, I have an original (authenticated) sunset recolds of elvis presley million dollar quartet session ! I wonder what it is worth ? its in mint condition.

Also Dare album by Human league in white vinyl with there faces on it (only 12 produced) must be worth a few $$$

Might be my salvation from all this gambling debt 🙂

Anyhow, off to work now and good luck with the drums, one of my favourite drummers is kenny aronoff who plays for john cougar mellencamp. Listen to his solo on justice and independence ! fantastic, i grew up listening to this music ! loved it. Have a great week and stay gamble free, Dark Place x

(justice and independence) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ac-jrjd7dtU

Yeah guess I can relate to the walking dead part you be talking about. Well if I would of got up and did something this weekend any way. LOL yeah wasted weekend over here but got through it just fine without gambling. Guess that's always a easy one when the money runs out. Dont get paid again till Friday and guess I've learned if anything never say never, hell guess I'm so tapped almost thought about donating the plasma thing which they pay ya for. Yeah that's till I did a little reading up on it and yeah your first visit can take up too 2 1/2 hours and ya get a $20 for your troubles. LOL LOL LOL sh-it no lover of needles and not worth the bother at that rate. LOL oh well guess gambling sucks a lot out of me but not gonna let in suck the plasma from me too. LOL well unless it sucks the urges out with it of course. Hope ya have a great Monday. How's the cigerette thing going? Guess I've been finding myself cheating on the weekends by buying a pack or 2, and makes it hard again come Monday to stop again. Boy everything is just a effort now days I guess. Lol

Hi Carla

Yes I am conscious that to relieve stress and escape from the real world I log on here. Better than going gambling but still shows a need to escape and thats not right. Also conscious that talling to people in a virtual world isnt reality and I cant communicate with people face to face like I can online. My (non) ability to communicate has proved a problem for me in life. I need to have a topic to discuss, work to do, a quiz etc. I hate idle chit-chat. People at work talk about everyday stuff and I just shut off and work and wish they would shut up.

Sorry Carla...but just need to put this one on..

Simple....SHUT UP LOL lol lol lol

http://youtu.be/LFJcWwU3GMQ

Love, S xxxxx

P.s. joking of course...keep talking darling

Hey again,

Please let me know if you don't get my joke and i will remove it from your tread:-) Just a little chain reaction happened there to the responses.

Good to read you still keeping on darling. i know that work is looming over you but really sure you will get a lovely welcome back.( with balloons and all that stuff 😉 ..)

Thank you for your ongoing support, and knowing i'm a bit in a deep end today, i always appreciate you guys on here.

Take care and keep safe...and keep posting of course...i will pull back and keep reading lol

S xx

Love it, Sandra! And you know, I think that even in jokes, there's some truth in them. That's what makes them funny. But I'm not offended. I'm using this place selfishly in a way that's best for me. 🙂

That's my girl...i was about just to carry on counting my days only...not anymore..You pour your heart out sweetie...work, life, weather, friends...freedom is yours 😉

Take care

S x

Recovery is bespoke and that's why we are here

( my point of view)

On a more serious note, I realise that I forgot my gratitude reflection yesterday.... so two for today...

First, and most immediate, I am thinking of all the people devastated/affected by what's happened in the Phillipines. I am grateful that I live in a place where, while often harsh in climate, there exists very little in the way of natural disasters. It is a rich country where most can access food, shelter and it has an abundance of clean water. Praying for the Phillipines...

Second, it's Remembrance Day here and I am so grateful for my freedom. It's so easy to take this for granted, especially if you haven't travelled or known anything different. Thanks to all past and present who fight for freedom and peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kX_3y3u5Uo

Yeh, I just cant be bothered with idle chat, find it meaningless and a waste of time. Kinda think that everything I do and talk about must have a purpose behind it and a conclusion. I dont tell other people what I do in my spare time and dont take an interest in what others do. Is this because I dont do much worth talking about I have asked myself? I was happy to share the details of football matches I played years ago but nothing like that now.

Guess i forgot all about veterans day and is today in the U.S. too. Don't think this song has anything to do about veterans day but just a kick a-ss song I love. LOL

https://www.youtube.com/watch…;feature=youtube_gdata_player

Thanks for the posts Cap and Soul.

Truly a lousy day. Did two meditations, both of which made me weepy. The first on gratitude had to do with heritage and brought up lots of issues for me. The second was on destiny and kept asking “who are you?” and all I could think was ‘I’m a rotten, out of control addict.’ I ended up at the casino. Blew $95 (figured I’ve saved more than that lately by not smoking/drinking/smoking pot). Then asked a guy outside the casino for a cigarette and have smoked that. Made me want more but haven’t gone to the store. I feel like such a fraud. I think I preach a lot on this forum but haven’t accomplished a whole lot and I’ve been off work for almost 3 months. I’m still depressed as ever and don’t really believe I’ll ever change in spite of what I say. I kind of figured that if I just keep faking it ‘til I make it, it might work. Suppose I’ll try to get that “Polyanna” attitude back tomorrow. Pffffft. Miss my favourite forum fella too.

Hi Carla

Agree gamblers and indeed all addicts need to find out about themselves. I have done this through much self-analysis over my recovery period. I know what and who I am and what I'm not and I accept who I am.

Thanks for continued posting, you are the only one I am communicating with regularly on here at the moment.

Hey Carla,

You are not a fraud. Yeah, an addict maybe. And, what I have found is that addicts are really good people that just go a little nuts sometimes. I found that I can't stay in Pollyanna mode too long either. It's just not me. For me it is a constant struggle to find that balance. I guess it has been called serenity too. Same thing maybe. Don't be too hard on yourself today. I'm always s******g up one way or another too. We just have to keep on keeping on.. -joanxxxx