Day 1
The last 6 weeks have been some of the hardest lonliest weeks of my life. I lost my job, relationship, motivation and all my money and then some more.
Gambling creeped back into my life slowly. It started 6 months ago playing some of the big Sunday poker tournaments with money I was given by a family member who managed my finances (telling them it was for day to day stuff). "No big deal wasn't doing anything anyway", and anyway I was working full time and excelling in my job.
Fast forward a few months and I was made redundant. I was looking forward to a new job, the search process is hard but I was optimistic about the future.
I had some money to see me through.
I can gamble a bit while I look.
I can look a bit while I gamble.
Then I'll look when I've stopped gambling, which turned out to be now, when I've lost everything and money that was not mine to lose.
I decided to have a week where I did not drink or take drugs. I had hoped that the situation would improve, the reality was that I just gambled as a form of escapism in place of the other vices.
One thing that struck me was how little positive interests I still pursued.
I have been to GA and whilst it worked for periods of time I was never quite convinced that I would want to attend the meetings until the end of time. So I researched online channels and found myself here. I hope and believe that having somewhere I can check in online will help me to refrain from gambling when the urge arises. I will be closing all of my accounts and handing full control of my finances to a much put upon family member.
I have also discussed with some people I know doing voluntary work to do something positive which I will be beginning this week.
I will also be re joining the gym to try and get some of those endorphins pumping through positive, healthy channels.
I am hoping to participate actively in this community both in receiving advice and also giving it so as to not just take.
And also to begin what I started at the top... getting a job.
Here's to the first day of not gambling.
"Grant me serentiy to accept that which I can not change,
The courage to change that which I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."
Well I thought yesterday was bad but in fact it was just the beginning.
I gambled all my rent as well as others and the estate agents were chasing me today, they were pleasant enough as long as I can pay it soon.
I had also missed council tax payments and I received a court summons today. So not only have I to pay the money outstanding but also the full annual amount and a charge for the summons. It never rains but it pours metaphorically and literally today.
It is a painful and rough time just now but I know it is the best course of action.
I am wracked with guilt over the fallout that my gambling has caused everyone around me. I think its a particularly hard problem for anyone to empathise with as most people will evaluate how much you have gambled and then sub conciously equate that to what could be bought with it. With that mental picture they then feel that you have been having that amount of enjoyment from gambling. If only I had derived some form of enjoyment from it.
I have applied for some more jobs and been in touch about volunteering. Hopefully some of this will come to fruition sooner rather than later.
I'm at a loss as to what to do with myself at the moment, so I think I will go for a run and workout a bit. I might go to listen to some live music later.
Anyway Day 2 complete - no gambling.
Welcome to day 3 Will, keep strong and positive.
Suzanne xx
Keep going Will always darkest before the dawn. Its daunting but surely once you face the debts head on is a worry down as you will know for sure what u have to repay. The unknown scares me more than knowing. Stay strong.
Thanks all for your support and comments.
Day 3
I had some pretty positive chats with people close to me today. It really helped get some perspective on the situation and a workable way out of it.
I have a secured a job interview tomorrow, its far from what I would like to do but I need to start work asap and it is an immediate start. I will be using this evening to prepare for it, fingers crossed. Although I am not massively enthused by what the job entails the structure and money (to repay debts) will be a good thing, so I will try and remind myself of that while I prep for the interview and should I get the job.
The weather was good, I thought about gambling very briefly but dismissed the urge and went for a run then worked out afterwards instead. After I ate with some friends at my flat so all in all a pretty productive, positive day.
I did not manage to speak with the volunteering people but I intend to do so tomorrow after the interview.
No Gambling today.
Hi,
Just noticed your post and thought I would respond if that's ok.
Firstly congratulations on getting 3 days in. The first few days can be the most difficult as you are having to 're-adjust.
Secondly sending you masses of good luck for your interview tomorrow.
Best wishes
Day 8
I did not get the job but I learned a lot from the interview process, it was a very worthwhile exercise.
I have been applying for other positions and also managed to do some work assisting a friend so thankfully I have had some money coming in.
The urge to gamble has always just been negated by the disgust I feel at the position I am in currently. This not a long term solution as things will get better so I will be heading along to GA this week to try and stay focused.
Yesterday was probably the most challenging for me with the football on TV and the big sunday poker tournaments but I made it through without gambling or being close to gambling at all.
I have found myself pretty angry at everything at the moment, I am sure this is me projecting my anger at the situation I find myself in onto others.
Anyway 1 week no gambling completed.
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