degenerate iv

Day 147

Still going. Resetting my day count to zero is probably the only thing stopping me from having a bet right now. At the moment my debts are manageable as long as they do not increase over the next few months. I am toally complacent about my gambling habit. I think I will not gamble with money i do not have but I know in the back of my mind I probably will if I was to have a bet.

Keep strong D keep making that right choice, well done on 147 days of winning.

Suzanne xxx

🙁

Day 151

I gambled today. I was feeling down and decided to have a bet to make me feel better. I think I just wanted to focus on something else for a bit. I made a decision to have a bet and I thought about most of the consequences while travelling to the nearest bookmaker and still made a bet.

I felt numb as I handed my money over to the cashier and watched the bet gets placed and I immediately knew it was a bad decision. Anyway, the dog was a close 2nd and I was quickly in gambling mode starting to chase my loss. I could hardly wait till the next race. I won. I lost. I won. I lost. I won. I lost. I lost. lost. I lost.

I started heading home for about 2mins before I about turned and went to the nearest cash machine to withdraw as much as I could. I started chasing again. I lost. I lost. I won. I lost. lost. The cashiers till stopped working for 25 mins and nobody in the shop could have a bet. So I went on the FOBTs, I put my remaining money on virtual cartoons. I was lucky, I managed to win my money back this time. I was numb whilst chasing losses. It had felt inevitable that all my available funds would be lost and I accepted it and kept betting.

I was complacent. I was carrying my cards everywhere and I felt that I was a bit cured for the past few weeks. I was very wromg. I immediately fell into old habits and my mind was in a haze whilst gambling. It only took one bet to get there. f*****g pathetic. I had thought about my next bet for a while and I thought I would be sensible and make considered small bets next time. Never happened. No such thing as a good bet, I only won money back by betting on random virtual cartoons.

Anyway, "degenerate v" post coming soon. At least 150 days gamble free is a personal best and shows some progress. I need to start again from Day 0. AAAaarrggghh!!

It was good to speak in chat you know the script. The counter is at day one but you are not in your recovery.

KTF