DГ©sormais......

Thanks for the post Suzanne.

Weekend over, and into my 48th day without gambling clouding my life. Was tested once or twice over the weekend, but I never really had any inkling to ruin my ongoing recovery by betting on random sporting events. I think for me, it's instances and circumstances that remind me when I used to gamble that can start me thinking about my old bad habit again.

Whether it's a trip to a cashpoint, near an old gambling haunt. Or just being reminded of how I used to spend a lot of my days (especially Saturdays) with one thing on my mind. This weekend was a test, but a test that I passed.

It can only strengthen my recovery to remember this from time to time. I am forming better habits from now on, like today for instance I took my two daughters for a bike ride along the Thames. Went to a park, stopped off for hot chocolate and a cake. Then back home to play some weird game that involved me being a dog!! ;0)

Also I have started working on my fitness again over this weekend. A couple of sessions on my punchbag in the garage, a few weights, and exercises - plus the bike ride too. And I plan to keep this up to give me a re-newed focus once more.

Keep strong all

Ade

Not feeling the need to post as much as I was when I came back here 48 days ago.

Going to ease off with the posting a bit and see if I can maintain my recovery for a while away from the forum.

Keep strong all

Ade

Thanks for the concerned post NT.

Worry not my friend. Ironically the three little words that you use......."in the past"......do not bother me.

I can see where you are coming from on that score, but I only look to the future these days my friend. My positivity will not allow past failures to enter my head. That was then, this is now.

Onwards and upwards.....

Keep strong all

Ade

Ade it's only 48 days I would keep posting it's a small sacrafice to make for continued abstinance. Why try to work without the forum when it's clearly working for you.

Ade, you will be missed! You know my thoughts on this subject, you must do what is right for you! I hope you aren't a complete stranger though! The future is yours & whilst I don't envy you having to be a dog, this is indeed the gift of children. Be safe out there - ODAAT

Hi Ade,

Well done on 49 days of being gamble free.

Just want to wish you all the very best and thank you so much for your support , as ODAAT says do what is right for you and don't be a stranger too long lol.

Take care and stay safe.

Suzanne xx

Day 49, or 7 weeks. Either way it's a great feeling.

Thank you for the supportive posts.

Just to clarify, I will still be posting from time to time, but just not as much that's all. It's a personal thing for me. My goal is still the same and my determination is actually stronger than ever. I know more than most the value of my diary to me. I also know that it can at times become all consuming. My compulsive nature allows this, so I will be posting less, but still reading as I do most nights.

Keep strong all

50 days tomorrow for me. ;0)

Ade

Hey Ade that was quick lol.

Seriously I know what you mean. Yes big milestone tomorrow, and too right it feels great.

Suzanne xxx

Xxxxxx

Day 50...Whoop whoop 🙂

Well done on getting 50 days Ade

Hi Ade,

Just dropping by to see how your weekend had been. Hope lots of joys and smiles with family involved...plus Bob the builder outfit was out to reflect the mood 😉

Look after you and stay strong

Sandra xx

Thank you Suzanne, ODAAT, MichaelS and Sandra for your supportive posts.

The last week has whizzed by for me. I have absolutely zero interest in gambling these days. 55 days have passed since I started this diary up again and I feel like a completely different person to the one that always flirted with recovery, but never really had it in him to do it.

I have just returned from an emotional visit to see my recently widowed Uncle in Limerick. He is 84 now, and the once fit strong man that I used to know is now very frail and terribly depressed after losing the love of his life just before Christmas. I have never felt so hopeless as I did over the weekend. The sadness did subside at times, and a few laughs were had and the 'Craig' was good as they say in those parts. But the visit has given me a reality check like never before.

I was already determined to not gamble before I flew to Ireland, and I still am in that determined frame of mind. But my problem gambling is absolutely nothing compared to the reality of what remains of my Uncles life.

I have never travelled alone before, and I found it is a very sobering experience. You have a lot of time to think. I thought about my family a lot and how much I missed them, even just for a few days. I thought about my life, my welfare, my goals, my nature, my good points, my bad points, my feelings and emotions, etc, etc.....the list is endless....

I was so glad I made the trip, and I know that my determination to not gamble is not at the forefront of my mind like it was for the first 50-odd days of my recovery. There are far more important things in my life to do.

I had a fair bit of time on my own when I was away, despite visiting my Uncle each day. In all that time I saw quite a few bookies, but never had the slightest urge to gamble. I have just lost the urge or desire to do it anymore. It drained me. It changed me. It left me feeling s**t, so why go back and do it all again? It would be total stupidity.....

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ade, thanks for dropping by & congrats on 55 🙂

Thanks for coming back to share this sadness to remind us how fragile life can be! The reflection may have been painful, I know mine has been, but it serves to remind us where we were & why we can never go back!

Keeping it real, from now on - ODAAT

Thanks for the supportive posts NT and ODAAT,

Day 58 for me. Not gambling has become the norm for me now. The urges are not there any more. I am focusing purely on the future these days. My thinking is so much clearer and my mind is no longer a slave to sports betting, odds, and all the other S***e that goes with that sad life draining habit.

Looking forward to pay day tomorrow and a month ahead of saving as much of my hard earned cash as possible. I still have a lot of outgoings each month, but now I am no longer walking around with a wedge of money in my pocket each day. Nipping of to the bookies at lunchtime to gamble on random races and such like. As I add each single day to my recovery, so my strength grows. My mind is clear. I do still hate what gambling did to me, and how I could not stop the destructive pattern, as I was plainly not in a good mental state whilst gambling. I have learnt more from this current stint at recovery, than I did in the previous 6 years of visiting this site. I had to go through that phase though, to get to this point. But it is truly only now that I realise just how close I came to leading the rest of my life as a sad loser.

I know that I am far better than that. I know that I can slowly steady the ship and make my life one that will be so much better for me, my wife and children. My daughters are now 12 and 8, and I want these next few years to be critical to all of us. I know my eldest has some testing years ahead with school and life in general and I am going to be the best Dad that she could ever hope for.

Looking forward to still taking one day at a time, and walking this journey alongside some really great people on these recovery diaries. Like I said previously, my posting will not be as frequent, but I will still be on here each and every day to read and remind myself of the positive life that comes from staying away from all forms of gambling.

Positivity and self worth are the 2 key elements for me now. I lost them both for too many years, now I intend to keep both in my daily life like never before, because life is so precious to me and I want to enjoy the next 45 years of mine, more than I have enjoyed my first 45! ;0)

Keep strong all

Ade