Determined to beat this

Hi Adam
And welcome I'm surprised to see that both your opening post's have been over looked the community spirit on this site shocks me sometimes.
To many takers not enough givers.

I remember you from chat earlier in the week although I believe you've lost a few letter's in your name maybe?

It's probably fair to say you've had a terrible 2 year's gambaling?
The flip side to this is your a young lad with plenty of life in front of you.
Unfortunately there's no going back what's done is done.
You can however make sure that you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over.
I really feel for people your age gambaling is not like it was some year's ago when I started.
It's 24/7 high stake now. When I started it was time restricted and stakes were max 2 quid. Making myself sound old lol

Anyway I think you're on the right path that being finding the root cause.
Whilst you're trying to work this out its good to have blocks.
Also you'll need to try harder with the financial side of things by handing it over. This doesn't have to be forever just until you find the temptation less than is currently is. And of course look into counselling and or ga.

All the best for now
Deano

Hi Deano, thanks for commenting back.

Yes - that was me. I was a bit worried my old name would be too easy to recognise so I swapped it around. Yup spot on, awful two years and that's one of the reasons I am so positive about the future is because I know I'm so young, getting back in control and regaining a better grip with finances will minimise damage to life enjoyment in my 20s.

It really is crazy, I never realised how intense gambling is until I was in the thick of it all. And now you see advertisements everywhere, you can gamble any time of day, on any device with money transferred over in a matter of seconds - it's one of the reasons why at times it feels so hard to escape.

Unfortunately however, I have bad news to report. Earlier I got an email from a Casino I hadn't self excluded from, without realising. Luckily, I only deposited £10 which is a lot better than my usual £££+ but I am still incredibly annoyed with myself. Although it's really made me realise that my blocks weren't strong enough. I have now downloaded blocking software and cut up my cards, I only have cash for the next 4 weeks but that doesn't bother me as for the short term, I need some space to not gamble. In the past after 3 or 4 weeks it feels you see things a lot differently and it becomes slightly easier to avoid urges - however it's the simple problem of getting to that stage.

I've relapsed many times in the past and I really need to establish some sort of root cause because I feel cutting off finances, casino blocks and self-excluding isn't even really touching the sides. If I was given a £1000 free bonus to either gamble or withdrawal, I honestly feel I would gamble it all away even though I desperately need the money.

So today is once again Day 1. But I'm really going to take this horrible feeling as a good thing and use it to work out a plan of action. Counselling is the next thing on my list to try - although I may discuss this on the chat as it's quite a daunting feeling at the moment.

Hello Adam. I'm sorry to here u are going though this pain in your life. I am going though the same thing to. I looked up this site because I have no one to talk too. I am to ashamed to tell anyone. I hope to god that u can over come this horrible addiction. Good luck

Gmacxxxx wrote:

Hello Adam. I'm sorry to here u are going though this pain in your life. I am going though the same thing to. I looked up this site because I have no one to talk too. I am to ashamed to tell anyone. I hope to god that u can over come this horrible addiction. Good luck

Thanks for your reply. I know exactly that feeling - I don't even feel like I recognise myself anymore. I can't even quite believe that an addiction that causes so much destruction can take as much hold over a person as it does. But everyone has the power to change and I honestly want to beat this for good. I see you just joined today? Have you done a recovery diary?

Feeling a lot more confident today in general. I spent hours last night brainstorming blocks, triggers, urges, and the future and have come up with a plan to truly beat this. I've managed to cut off my finances with absolutely no way of being able to use my card online for the short term. In addition I've had a real think about the causes and my gambling, and triggers - I think counselling could be a good solution at the moment.

Onwards and upwards though.

Hi Adam. I'm so glad to see that you're really trying to give up gambling. OK you may only be 21 years old, but the truth is that the scenario remains the same even if you were aged 41 or 61.

It's compulsive behaviour which can literally tear you apart. But the good news is that you can take control. Mind over matter.

Good luck with your recovery, Leave the gambling behind and enjoy a better life.

Hi Adam960

Sorry to hear of your issues with gambling but guess what ! Everyone on this forum is in the same boat mate one way or another, you have made the first steps to recovery by coming on here and posting. Like yourself I have relapsed a few times but this time I've got to kick this addiction for myself as I've already lost my family which is absolutely heartbreaking. As you said it's the destruction that this addiction causes that hurts very much but whilst we are gambling we don't think about the consequences and others as we are in our own little bubble. I find it very helpful by coming on here and reading others stories and posting helps very much, I also attend GA meetings and am receiving councilling through gamcare and hopefully will find answers for myself as to why I gambled. I'm also reading a book called " the power of the habit" that someone else on this site mentioned and it's well worth a read ! Hope you get sorted and I will look out for future post regarding how's it going !

All the Best

Darren

Thanks for the reply Darren. Thanks for the tips, how do you find GA? I've heard mixed reviews of it's effectiveness. Thanks for letting me know about that book, I'm going to get it bought as soon as possible - it looks quite interesting.

Day 2 GF. Feeling a lot more confident today - been organising a few things for March including a budget which was a bit of a pain as I realised just how much money has to go out my account. However I've saved myself some money to buy a gift for myself at the end of the month if I managed to survive all of March GF. One of the triggers I found was a desire to have lots of money - and how amazing it would feel to win that huge jackpot. So I've decided to treat myself with stuff every month to try and make it feel like I am not missing out just because I have to pay back £12,000 in debt.

Hi Adam,

It was nice talking to you earlier in the chat.

Your thread reminds me of when I first joined the forum. My first post was aged 23, I am now 27 and although I have 'lurked' on the forums once or twice since I haven't posted in four years. I am sorry to hear about the debt issue and I know how devastating debt can be. It's great to make a plan and depending on your circumstances saying to yourself that by 'x' date you want to be debt free.

I was in a very similar position to yourself this time last year. I had £10,000 worth of debt and thankfully a few days ago I made the last repayment on my personal loan that I took out to cover gambling debts. Do not be afraid of the future. Stick to a plan.

Also, do not slip back into the habit of gambling. We all feel that we can turn £10 into £1000 or £10,000, but in actual fact what we win we give back to the bookies. If you can get yourself to a GA meeting then hopefully that will also help.

Keep it up.

Michael

Hi Adam,

Lovely to chat to you earlier. Keep the faith, things will get better. Put those blocks in place and head down. Try and sort some sort of counselling out if you need it, and keep coming back to Gamcare, it has been invaluable to me and to so many others that use this forum. I wish you every success in your journey.

Julie x

Thanks Michael and Julie for replying, also nice chatting to you guys in the chat yesterday.

Michael - This has reassured me slightly as debt is such a huge weight and worry and I know I can pay it off, it's just the sheer amount of time to do it. I'm going to look into maybe doing a year long budget to work out that final date and it will give me something to work towards - after all every gambling binge will set me back another month or two.

Julie - Thank you for your message. I'm looking into counselling although it's quite nerve wracking the thought of it but maybe I just need to man up and go for it.

Day 3 today. Got some money into my account and have absolutely no desire to spend it - and even if I did, I can't anyway because of the blocks I have in place. Just gotta take this day by day.

Lo mate,

I saw your reply in my own diary thread and felt I wanted to come say hello to you too. Just a few things if I may...

I'm looking into counselling although it's quite nerve wracking the thought of it but maybe I just need to man up and go for it.

You're a bigger man for sorting it out, than someone who shys away from confronting things head on. Go speak to someone, you'll find the weight off your shoulders from just speaking to someone is priceless. You'll even sleep better! You'll go, speak to someone, then wonder afterwards, "why didn't I do this before?"

You CAN do it!

Thanks for the post on my diary Adam. You are 21, oh boy how I wish I could turn back the clock! You are so lucky to have found this place so early in your life. Take this chance and embrace recovery as if you were to slip back into gambling things will only go downhill. You come across as an intelligent lad who deserves far more from life. Sadly there is no quick fix, but by getting as many blocks in place you can beat this day by day. I hope to see you many more times in the chat rooms and read an ever growing and progressing diary. Keep up the good work mate!

Hey Adam, sounds like you've made some great progress today! It's a big sign of strength to have money in your account and not want to spend it. Like you said, day by day 🙂 i can completely sympathize with you regarding the counselling, I went to my first and only GA meeting exactly one year ago tomorrow and I was scared, worried and apprehensive beyond belief. But the more you put it off, the worse it becomes. In your own time, but don't let your guard down.

Have a look at my diary mate... Im 4 years further on than you, you can make changes and dont do what i did and you wont be where you are in 4 years time.