Determined to beat this

adam960 wrote:

I don't know how to slowly rebuild the rest of my life. I have end goals of where I want to be but don't know how to get there day by day.

You've just answered your own question without realising it mate....day by day. It's that easy it's almost overlooked. One day at a time and baby steps.

Hi Adam, thanks for your words on my diary.

All I can say is the same as others. Day by day.

I woke up and say to myself today I will not gamble.

Now i say today I will not gamble and I'll be happy. It works.

So maybe one day I'll say today I won't gamble and I'll marry Jennifer Lawrence..... i can live in hope.

All the best in your recovery.

Thanks for the comments guys.

Day 10 today - I think? Time is flying by. I'm now entering my nerve-wracking week of missing 3 payments but I'm hoping I can pull it off as I get paid on Friday I can just explain that there was an error and I was supposed to get paid early. We'll see. And to think I used to get nervous when I was in my 0% overdraft back in first year of Uni - how blissful that was. I'm not too worried about it though. I know as soon as it hits March 10th my life is going to financially hit rock bottom and finally can start to work my way back up starting with paying back all my missed payments and getting back up to speed with things. Luckily all my creditors have been pretty fine about it. Wonga & Quick Quid have been the best. Super helpful. The only one that is being a bit of a pain is Barclaycard who are threatening to sell my debt even though they've accepted reduced monthly payments. But I know that next month I get a huge chunk of student loan so I can start to pay off the whopping fees I've accumulated.

Gonna try and catch up with life today. I gave up smoking on Friday and I've spent all weekend eating and being exhausted which are probably side effects - I don't even know? Gonna attempt to go for a run and organise life stuff (washing, cleaning etc - boring stuff really). Then I have tons of Uni work to be getting on with. It is now March 6th and I finish Uni forever on April 27th (****!!!!!). So I really need to be getting on.

But yeah - a LOT more confident today and even though I can't quite see how I'm going to get to the light at the end of the tunnel, I feel I'm on the right path.

I fully understand when you say it's difficult to keep going when you don't see instant reductions in your debts. It affected me too.
All I will say is keep working at it because with each passing day the difference in your mindset makes stopping gambling so worthwhile.
The debts will get sorted in time but your mental health will improve with each passing gf day enabling you to take control of your own life again.
Stay strong x

Hey Adam, thanks for the post on my diary pal. I'm going to stick out the running through the pain and hope my knee adapts, its a struggle at the mo but doesn't seem to be getting any worse thankfully. Glad to read you have put the extra blocks in place, it really sounds like you have made huge progress in such a short time. I look forward to reading more about your future progress on here. Keep going, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Keep at it squire....one day at a time. Next target is day 14 and that's the 2week post 🙂

Hi Adam and welcome, firstly well done for recognising you have a problem and seeking help and support. Your doing really well, in the early days I had some weird dreams about gambling, one particular one I had to check my bank account the next day to make sure it was a dream. With regards to the debts, you have to accept them and take comfort in the fact that they will eventually get paid if you remain gamble free. Ive used all sorts of destractions to stay gamble free, from walking, doing puzzles, joining the gym and adult colouring books etc., As the days, then weeks and months start clocking up you will start to feel so much better, gambling robs us of so much more then money, it takes away our personality, makes us shun friends and family, so come on fight back and regain your life, we are all walking this together. Try the counselling and keep posting on here, wishing you all the very best x

Thanks all for the replies.

Day 12 today. Still struggling but it's payday tomorrow so I am actually excited to get money for once (because I cannot touch it wahey).

Just a small post today as I am super busy with Uni work so need to get on but I'm still going strong and am determined to get to that 2 weeks goalpost.

Will hopefully have more of a chance later to reply to other diaries and get on the chat.

Day 13 today.

Been super busy so haven't had a chance to reply to other messages in other people's diaries but hopefully will have some time later.

Kinda took charge yesterday and booked an appointment with the Doctor and the University counselling. Since giving up I've been struggling with a horrible anxious feeling on my chest and lack of sleeping so I need to get it sorted because I'm worried about having some sort of breakdown (most likely fuelled from the fact I will be finished university in about 5 weeks...).

Don't quite feel relieved yet but feel a bit better I have some new options opened to me. Gambling has caused the worst year of my life and I know it's not going to beat me ever again. But I think maybe it's fuelled this feeling of being out of control and the sheer level of stress so I'm going to take charge and get something done about it.

I failed with the giving up smoking thing, but in the grand scheme of things, I need to give myself a break with that. I think it's too much on my plate. Something to focus on after my degree finishes.

Hi adam

Well done on getting to 2 weeks gamble free. You seem really determined to beat this and have proved that you can stop gambling for a sustained period. I've gone 18 months before and relapsed because I thought I was in control again, please don't let this happen to you. You've eluded to it on your diary and its an easy trap to fall in to. Keep up the good work and thanks for the post on my diary.

Good luck

James

Hi Adam. Alas depression and anxiety go hand-in-hand with compulsive gambling, often when in action, post-action and in recovery, espectially the early stages. You have cut off something which had taken a deep seat in your psyche and you are at a bit of a loss. That's one of the reason why you'll see so many people talking about finding things to do to occupy your time. Obviously right now, you have plenty of uni stuff to occupy you, but you still can't shake the feeling. That's understandable. Good luck with the campus doc and counseling. I hope it will make your journey more comfortable.

Thanks for your posts guys.

Whatami - This makes a lot of sense which I didn't quite realise. I saw the doctor yesterday and he prescribed me with some medication for the next month to see how I get on. I'm hoping once the stress of Uni is over that it'll be a tad easier so hopefully this isn't a long term thing.

Day 15 today. Feels good to be at this number. Didn't ever think I would hit it.

Day 16.

All good. Nothing really to report other than I've had my payday money all weekend and feels amazing that I can't touch it.

Hey Adam.

Just wanted to say well done on passing the two week mark. It certainly is a great feeling when we still have our hard earned salary to hand isn't it?

Take care and remain strong and focused on your goal.

Our Lady.

Hi Adam, it's been a while since we heard from you. Hope it's "only" all your uni work keeping you from posting an update? Take care buddy!