Diary 1st entry, Repeatedly letting down everyone who has supported me.....one day ill lose everything

Hi,

I can relate to your post that we want to keep it a secret and then we find out other people know. These are people that dont understand and I'm glad they dont understand. Dont let it ruin the good work you have put in to date, he knows and has give you his blessing to propose to his daughter.

We think that our gambling problem is a secret and i shared my secret with a close friend recently who said I knew 6 or 7 years ago you had a problem with gambling. I was like WHAT! how did you know and apparently i was always flaunting how I had won or nearly won, but never seemed to mention big losses. We are more transparent than we think and maybe the father asked your girlfriend as opposed to the other way round, just a thought.

Keep up the good work

Take Care

Blues

Nlboy,

Just read your post - and I feel for you mate. I recently proposed to the mrs, and went through the whole asking her father thing. You obviously feel like me - and want the whole process to be perfect. Thankfully, my fiancee's Dad was over the moon, and said how pleased he was for both us. It would seem he knows nothing about my gambling, as I guess she's probably never told him.

Anyway.. this is slightly beside the point. Two things might have happened here:

a) Your g/f's father could tell/worked out you had a gambling problem anyway. Sometimes these things are more obvious than we think

b) Your g/f felt the need at some point to share this with her parents. Although she said she wouldn't - the burden of supporting a problem gambler can be a heavy one and try not to judge too quickly.

My point here is that a knee-j**k reaction would be anger / self-pity, or to somehow think life is so unfair/you wanted this to be perfect etc etc. But you know what - life isn't perfect. Arguably, this issue is self-created, since we are the ones who gambled in the first place (not those around us)! We can't really complain to much when there are knock-on effects from our actions - however painful they may be.

The bottom line is he said YES! Fantastic news. So he doesn't want you to gamble his daughter's life away - of course he doesn't. And you know what - you are completely capable of meeting this expectation.

Sorry - this might seem like 'tough love' but my habit has always been to find the worst in every possible situation. It could be great for you to find the positives in this.

Supporting you all the way

D123

Hye Guys

Thanks for youre posts, all appreciated and all very fair as well

Yes the shock hit me hard, i was so taken aback i wasnt expecting that.

Her Dad is chief of police where we live so i dont know whether she has told him or he has worked it out or spotted me or something

Oh well im sure ill find out tomorrow cause im sure ill get asked if i asked him and ill be asked what he said and ill just say general stuff cause he might have held that knowledge from her in confidence so ill not say he said

But ill know from my gfs reaction whether she exoected him to say something like that to me.....

Anyways it is all of my own doing, i have been very good at hiding it from everyone and i really REALLY did not want her parents knowing....i feel that they may see me as a lesser person now because they dont understand it all

Gamblers are seen as shady lying characters and i think at this point thats what he thinks of me

He probably doesnt but you can understand thats what im thinking. A man who has known me for 3 and a half years and now is letting me know he knows im a gambler........surreal

I have felt terrible today, sick to the stomach and its not how they day before proposing should have been

I guess its how it is for a gambing addict

I dont think ive ever come across a bigger deterent than what he said to me today

That sent shivers down my spine

I gave him my word i would not gamble his daughters future

I dont intend to make a liar of myself this time

Hi,

So good to see you back here posting. I thought I was doing well but the urges are killing me so I'm on here being a bit more active again.

Huge congratulations. Your girlfriend's father knows about your problem and still said yes. That speaks volumes for the trust and respect he must have in your ability to turn your life around. Good luck with the proposal.

Px

Hi there

Congratulations on been gamble free and a big conga s on your engagement. I would nt read to much into what her father said our crazy minds work differant to other. He did say yes after all and you are doing your best to be gamble free. you should be proud of your self one for stopping and two, standing up and admit you have a problem . Well done mate its going to be hard at times but in the long run we'll all be better for it .

Stay strong

Paul

Hi,

Just stopped by to say thanks for the messages you had left on my diary during my absence, much appreciated.

And congratulations on the engagement, sounds like a just reward for winning in the battle against gambling and as horrible as the talk with father of the bride may have been, that must be one of the best 'blockers' to deal with the urges that otherwise may have knocked you off course!

All the best mate,

Mikey

I really cant deal with this anymore, its absolutely killing me as every day goes by

Im so weak its unreal, and i totally take advantage of this site and its not right

I have been gambling solidly since i got engaged which is completely and utterly pathetic

I love this site when im gamble free and i post everyday and its a great help

But as soon as i start gambling i feel too guilty to come on here and i just forget about it completely, clearly just using it when it pleases me

I do that a lot, use things when they please me and when i dont need them i just discard them

My life really is one big f*****g mess financially

Ive got a fiance now who is very much in love with me and enjoying all the engagemnet gifts and the excitement of planning a wedding

I have a long list of friends and family who are kindly donating things for our house (whenever we get it in the future supposedly) and people who are looking at me thinking 'yeah hes got his whole life ahead of him with a lovely finace, a good job and happy times ahead'

And here i am

A man who has racked up £1,400 of debt in the last 2 weeks.

I am a man with £1000 wonga loan outstanding at the minute

I am i man whos entire £1,400 wage will pay off the £1,300 loan on April 10th and then ill be taking out the same £1,000 again to pay my bills and everything i owe so many different friends.

I am a man who cant look his fiance in the eye without thinking about how much the truth would absolutely ruin the happiest time in her life

Not to mention all the friends family and loved ones who have supported me the countless times i have fallen

I am juggling money like its going out of fashion

Juggling customers payments in work to try and pay off debts and then paying the work money out of my own pay when i get it

Its all pathetic

I actually see no way out.

And for once im not posting after just losing a stack of money.

Ive lost the money, its been lost for about 5 days now

In that time ive just tried to work out on an excel spreadsheet how i can possibly get out of this

I have zero options but to keep wongaing.......and its horrible cause the interest just means ill make no progress

I cant turn to my parents...ive done that enough, they are struggling financially themselves

I cant turn to my friends as some i owe money too and some have turned me down

I really dont know what to do

Even if i get help ill just get confortable and do this all over again, ive already done that nearly 6 times

Im really a pathetic individual whos been given more chances in my life than 10 people in their lifetime

This is day 1 of me not gambling

Its hard to even say that cause not gambling will only stem the flow of money going out

Its doesnt actually help my overall situation

Everything is lose lose

Lose lose for a Loser

Seriously how did i go from being a happy go loucky teeanager to a raging gambling addict with no control?

I hope everyone can take strength from my story and make sure they stay strong

Lots of strong people on here who have more morals than i do, well done everyone

I wishh i could be like you...and ive tried, but i fail cause im weak

And selfish

A long heartfelt post like that deserves a full reply, but I'm just on the way out NI, so no can do at the moment.

However, a couple of points: we're all weak and selfish to some degree on here, it goes with the illness, it's just what you do next that counts. Don't be too hard on yourself - what you've done is bad, but not irreparable (yet).

I once heard that someone's therapist had said to them (the gambler on the couch), "If you had to actually bet your relationship, instead of money, on the next card / spin / press, would you do it? Because that's what you're doing" That made an impression on me.

stay strong

Hey MM

Please can you give me some advice, anything at all.

Ive literally been staring at an excel spreadsheet of my finances for the last hour and a half trying to work out how i can make ends meet.

My total outgoings next month are a staggering £2,800

my incomings are £1,400 and then ill have to borrow £1,000 from wonga and im STILL £400 short

Every day for the last 2 weeks has killed a little bit of me inside, im not sleeping, im losing weight, not eating properly, im so stressed i just cant think straight

Im trying to keep it together because there is NO way i can put the people around me through this again...not so soon, it can only end one way and thats no good

No one should have any faith in me cause i dont honor that faith and just constantly cracking shows how weak and selfish i am

I dont want to go to anyone while im £1,400 in debt, its not fair on them

Id like to make some progress myself

Ive installed betfilter on both my computers, thats £45 well spent, it cant be uninstalled

I cant seem to make any progress with my money until at the earliest September and by then im sure to be found out cause i cant keep juggling money

My whole summer is down the drain

Im crippled by having to put £600 of my wages into my fiance and i's house fund but if i dont put it in she will want to know why i cant and where the money has gone

Because of all my past indiscretions ive abolutely blocked all of my avenues to free up money

I know you dont have a miracle cure

I just want someone to tell me it will be ok

Im praying it will

Im literally running out of things to say about my addiction, i feel like im the worst gambler on here

Ni

fella i am you, or rather i was you.

Up until the 23/01/2012 i was you, actually i was far worse i was one day from losing my home and all it carried.

I had tried to gamble my way through life, my entire adult life had been consumed by gambling.

It got progressively worse, i exhausted every avenue in life financially to fund my addiction.

I lied to everyone, most of all i lied to myself.

For twenty years everytime i borrowed my way out of a hole i broke all promises to stop and went straight back again to gambling.

My friends gave up, my family, i broke them through it and eventually i broke myself.

On the 23/01/2012 i handed myself broken, a broken man over to something else. Recovery.

Up until that day i was the mirror image of you.

My advice is simple. You don't need a spread sheet,you don't need a loan, you don't need to keep stealing from work,you fella need recovery.

We talk about rock bottom alot through my Ga room, i hit mine, i still have my family, i lost all i was prepared to, others in my room lost alot more before there rock bottom.

Fella where is yours, do you want to lose your all??

Cards on the table NI. I lost 15k the last week i gambled, for what ?? I needed to win 4k to get out of jail!!!

But it is not the money, the stake is just the fuel that feeds the addiction.

So get help, be honest,speak to whoever you need to, to stop and arrest your addiction.

I was amazed at how many folk knew about my addiction.

Amazed at how helpful they were, when i started recovery.

From the bank manager to my boss.

Most of all my beloved wife. 21 years we have been together all our adult life, she never gave up.

Through recovery We today have a different life, an amazing life. One were we win each day.

Yes i could f**k that all up tomorrow, i could go back at it.

Will I???

Just for today No Bet.

My name is Duncan McQuilken i am a compulsive gambler no Bet since 23/01/2012. The day gambling beat me, fare and square,took all i had to give and more.

Recovery is a gift on offer to all addicts, it is not an easy road, there is lots of sh#t and heartache along the way and more grief and pain but the outcomes better than that of any bet that won at any price.you have to believe.

I hope your recovery has begun.

My support unconditional.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Duncan

That was great to read an appreicate and heard every word. You are an inspiration to everyone on here!

I am still struggling with what to do however

I turned to my fiance 2 years ago and she helped me but at the cost of damaging our relatiionship a great deal.

To this day she depsises gambling and is very worried that i will ever slip back into my old ways as she always said she wasnt sure she could ever do it all over again

Im not sure i could, and it wouldnt help that ive been gambling most of those 2 years she thought i havent been....i wouldnt know where to start there...

My parents have been a rock and supportive and bailed me out twice in the last 14 months. They ask me all the time if im doing ok.....i lie through my teeth

If they knew i was £1,400 more in the hole after them giving me £1,200 and £700 in the last 14 months they would absolutely lose it.....ive misplaced their trust

I have already told my boss before and he helped me out as well and he was amazing about it. Our business is going so well and our relationship is so good tthat i dont want to damage the partnership we have once again forged......he could lose all faith in me

The friends who know cannot help me financially

The friends who dont would not

I have been to 6 couseeling sessions wth my gambling therapist this year

Each one has helped but once a few days pass i forget they existed

I do not know how to stop my mind from wandering

I cannot physcially gamble currently, i have no money, i am finacially crippled and wondering how ends will meet

I know at some point i will probably have to tell someone....i dont know who it will be

I think all of the options above will have lasting consequences this time

Ni.

Fella good morning and keep posting.

If you got bailed out financially would it stop the gambling.

With honesty i think we know the answer.

1400 quid in the big scheme of things is as i said just the fuel for the fire.

To put the fire out you have to stop fueling it.

You have to want to stop,you have to see through the addiction and see you cannot win because you cannot stop.

Your relationship with your missus, your family your boss Will improve the day you stop.

The lies,deceit, theft and wasted time stop The day you accept that gambling had you licked.

The irony is you start winning.

Recovery is the answer to your problem.

The only answer.

Please consider giving it as much efforts as you do your spread sheets and gambling to recovery.

The result is truly amazing.

Never give up giving up.

You can do this.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

You are right

I need to get a week under my belt of not gambling

I always felt 100 times better when i got a week under my belt to start

I havent done that in some time now

Ill do everything i can

Ni.

I hope to see you back to posting, the bottom line is fella you have to want to do this for yourself. It Will work that way.

A fella at my GA often says to new members when they are saying that they Will really try.

"all we are asking you to do is not have a bet"

Rather apt and always raises a lot of smiles in the room.

One day at a time.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Nilboy I found getting to a week impossible like you I had been falling on and off the wagon so much I did not know if I was coming or going. Take it slowly and hopefully one day at a time you will find the answers. Funny enough money is a big problem for me. But now I am the week off I can manage SOMEHOW. My problems have not gone away but they are not getting worse which is something of a relief good luck.

Michael