Diary 1st entry, Repeatedly letting down everyone who has supported me.....one day ill lose everything

Hi NI,

You've already had some excellent advice, I see. Sorry this is a bit late in coming.

I really do know where you are mentally - I imagine most people on this site do. Duncan has said the bit about Ga, and other good solid advice, and that's surely worth thinking about (although not for everyone).

There is always a straw that breaks the back of problem gamblers. The people on here are generally of two sorts - the ones that stop just before the irreparable damage is done, although they are in dire crisis; and the ones that have just tipped over the edge, and are in deep trouble (with partners, the law, work etc).

You really are just a hair away from the latter, I think. You remember how horrified you were when your future Father-in-law gave you his warning? What happened to that feeling you had? If he finds out he'll be all out for persuading her not to go through with it. If he knew about it before, how do you know he's not keeping an eye out for it now? You're going to have to be careful NI, your whole house of cards is about to come crashing down, and you won't know what to do with yourself when it does.

Confession works for some, and isn't right for others. I haven't told my nearest and dearest, and I am unlikely to do so anytime soon; you make it sound like it isn't an option for you, well, only you know that so be sure of that fact, but I think it's probably right that you don't worry your parents if they've already got money headaches of their own. I was the same with mine many years ago, and they didn't deserve it.

This is the same as the reply I wrote not so long ago, but your financial situation is bad but surely not doomed. If you can survive, say, 3 months, you might just come out the other side and have another go at living clean - assuming you don't gamble, of course, which I wouldn't bet on (if I were...etc).

If I were Mr Predict the Future, and I told you this: "In 4 months, following my financial advice (which will give you a sparse life for the time you are saving), you will be out of trouble. However, one gamble and the wedding's off"... what would you do? Obviously, you'd say option one. But that is the very real situation you're in now. It's probably time to take stock and think ' What do I REALLY want now?'

As for practical money solutions, I can offer a few. As previously stated, it really is amazing how quickly the finances start to recover, although the first few weeks are painful.

Firstly, is there any way, you can get your OH to let you off a house payment for a month - perhaps you can offer to double up in July, or whatever. If you have to lie, make it foolproof. Can you get away with telling her you're a bit out of pocket and could just do with a boost? Anyway, maybe you can't, but it would surely give you a bit of a breather.

For as long as it takes, you're going to have to really scrimp and save if you want half a chance of succeeding. Few people do it these days (I did though when I first came on here, and what an experience that was), because modern living makes us think that we 'need' luxuries. Are you ready for this? Can you change your phone contract? Get rid of it entirely, perhaps, and buy a v cheap one or just downgrade it? Do you opt to phone landlines wherever possible?Do you need the internet on your phone? What contract have you got for home internet? tv etc? Make your own sandwiches on a daily basis, definitely no buying crisps, chocs or soft drinks at the newsagents, no boozy nights out with t'lads. Walk or cycle whenever you can - yes, you'll be paying in sweat! If you pay your own petrol, drive frugally - it can be done, it does make a difference but it's a pain in the *r*e.

...and lots ore. I don't want to patronise you, I'm sure you're aware what you could do.

Pennies become pounds after a while. The first couple of months will be very difficult, then it starts to get easier as the finances recover.

good luck

Duncan and Michael thanks for your kind words....getting to a week seems so far away but it is my goal!!!

Hey MM

Thanks for your email, i really appreciated everything you said there mate, its a good honest read with some great and very to point facts which is exactly what i need

As per usual my day has consisted of driving a lot. I worked hard and didnt get home until 7.30 and put a good shift in

As per usual my driving time was spent trying to decide what to do

I want to address a few of your points here

The first one is what my fiances dad said. That sent chills down my spine when i heard it and for days i couldnt stop thinking about it

However as time passed and ive seen him lots bascially my usual thing happened

I forgot that it happened.

Like i forgot that ive relapsed countless times

Like i forgot that my parents have bailed me out before

Like i forgot that im a f*****g gambling addict

Just my mind washing over these important fcts because its easier to do that than deal with them

Thats what my problem is. I worry for a while then when my mind clears i just forget all the things ive done

Pathetic i know

As for my money saving

Im in a bit of a pickle. I have £75 left until April 10th. Thats not very much considering i have to go out on saturday nigth with my fiance and her friends, all planned weeks ago and i cant cancel otherwise the questions will start

I have to put another £150 into our savings account cause i only put 3/4s in at the start of the month to buy myself some time to make the rest up

The money saving is difficult for me. My fiance knows exactly how much i earn a month. She knows that after i pay into savings and my phone bill and all other bills tthat i have between £250 and £300 a month left

We dont go out socialising a lot

I never buy myself anything

I dont eat lunch ever cause i drink so much coffee during the day

I should be able to make £300 las about 8 weeks in her mind cause i really dont spend money (except on gambling)

I cant keep wonga loaning

Im having to take out £1000 every month and pay back £1,300

Its going to ruin my in 3 months time

I feel the only option i have is to tell my boss that ive fallen off the wagon

Im not going to lie, i need financial help

Bail outs are neever a good idea but if i dont get financial help then that house of cards comes down as you say

I cant go to him until April 10th.....ill get paid and ill give my WHOLE wage to wonga

Then ill have to ask him if he can help me financially and take £200 off my wages for 6 months

I really dont want to do that but i feel its the only option that will cause the least destruction.....not that itll be a good thing by any means

What do you think of that idea?

Then of course if he says yes i still have to restrain from gambling

Im not going to lie, getting hit by a bus and having nothing to worry about anymore seems like a fantastic option right now

Not that id do anything that stupid. But i really cant rememebtr what life used to be like when i didnt have to spend EVERY SINGLE DAY/WEEK/MONTH worrying about money

It consumes me and it ruins me

Its a long road to even get to April 10th

Seems like a lifetime away really

This is so difficult

It might be the hardest yet

Ive just not got enough money for anything

Ive got £60 now which will not even get me through this weekend

Nights out i have no control over and cant cancel and a golf dinner i have paid half of and cant cancel either cause everyone will need to know why

I dont think ill be able to wait until April 10th to speak to my boss

I need money

I need a bail out.....a bail out which ill pay with a reduced wage for 6 months or whatever

I just cannot survive with no money

Its only a matter of time before my fiance find out

I just want to not have a sore head and have piece of mind

On the plus 2 days no gambling

Still dont feel any better

At all

NI

fella you are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Something recovery has brought over a prolonged period is the honesty that comes with it.

It is with this that I have learnt that it is ok at times to say No. If i don't have the funds to do something i Will pass up on it, the sad thing is nights out whilst at it were never enjoyed, always found myself counting the cost, or formulating ways to win back what i spent.

I guess what i am trying to say is whilst at it our focus is all out of sink.

Those famous "gambling goggles"

I hope a solution presents itself my friend, i hope when it does you use it wisely.

And the winning streak continues.

Two days without more loss. Two days to be proud of.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Dunc

Mate im not going to enjoy these nights out. Im going to buy a round and hope to hell i have enough to pay for it

Im going to turn down drinks when its not my round so i dont have to buy another round....its just a horrible situation

But these nights out i will be with my fiance and i cant not go because if i dont have money....wheres it gone is the question ill be asked

I should have about £250

Not £60

Its a gigantic rock and hard place

I would happily sit at home with my feet up and just save the little money i have

🙁

NI

fella i don't envy your fiancee having to suffer a golf dinner lol.

I worked at a very exclusive golf club and saw many a golf widow suffering!!!

And the price they charged for drinks!!!

Wow no wonder the car park was full of mazerati and porsche !!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Oh believe me if i didnt get on the golf course a few times a week and gave her head peace i think she would have me strangled!

I also worked behind the bar in the golf club for 5 years in my younger days and i have also seen many a golf widow!! lol

Its the general trend 🙂

Mate I would pull a sick note, feel your pain but congratulations on 2 days, it will get easier and I've been in your position many a time, it's awful. Hope you get by.

The weather is doing a good job of cancelling tomorrow nights night out. It has already cancelled tonights which is a bonus.

However ive decided to speak to my boss tomorrow about sorting out a finance deal in order to get myself level again cause ive so many bills to pay and i just dont have the money to pay them

I cant find £1400 anywhere so i flat out need to ask him for it

Im offering to go commisionless (about £300 a month on top of my salary) for 5 months which will clear it all off

I havent got any choice but to ask

I work hard and i have grown our business by nearly 70% in the last 14 months. I can hold my head high in that respect so hopefully he will be understanding about the matter

All i can do is ask

Hi

Just read you post I know your finding it tough. If you search me on this forum you will find numerous fails. But being here is the right move for me being here is where I need to be. I have messed up alot of things but If I stop gambling I can slowly repair the damage I have done. I don't know why I am so stupid with regards to this that is what I am.

Michael

Please believe me...you will be with people who understand & care.....and you will stop gambling..guarantee,but you have to commit for ever xx

Well a big detailed email has been wrtitten to my boss explaining everything and asking for help

Theres only 3 of us in the company so its not like going to a director of a big company or anything

I will wait and see what he says

In the meantime its Saturday. The weather is so horrible, its snowy and windy and freezing and it just is depressing

My weekends are usually taken up with golf and thats what i look forward to so much

But when thats taken away im so bored. I just feel like gambling, however i dont have any money and thats not the right thing to do

I have instaled betfilter onto my 2 computers anways so as long as im in the house im not gambling

I find this whole gambling addict thing a struggle every single day

Theres been times i think ive been on the right path but ie ended up cracking.

I have been helped and supported and bank cardstaken away and had budgets put in place and attended counselling and done pretty much EVERYTHING thats recommended for a problem gambler

Ive done all those things yet ive got absolutely nowhere.

I have fully come to realise that all those measures make NO difference and the only person who can stop is me

Problem is im not going to be able to sit here and go...thats it im never gambling again

I can really only say im not gambling today

And to be honest thats been a struggle in day to day life

I was actually stronger and more resulote a few years ago when stopping for a year, and stopping for 8 and then 6 months

In recent times i could barely get past 3 months

And in more recent times barely past a month

Im getting worse....i have less money than ever and im getting worse

I literally look at my finances daily and say...well ive got no money to gamble so at least i cant today...yet still somehow manage to gamble!

I hit the stage were i will gamble money that i ABSOLUTELY need down to my last penny then once its gone hope i get a brainwave on were i can top up my funds

I really see the rest of my life being a struggle

I look at kids of 5 and 6 and think god i wish i was that age again with no worries in life and just being happy

I then look at friends with houses and recliner chairs and big tvs and a lovely garden and yearly holidays and think how ive easily gambled £150,000 in the last 10 years

I could have EEVRYTHING and more by now

But ive got nothing except my wonderful fiance and £14k of savings for our eventual house

I could have had us landed in a great pad long ago by now, but she has to join the consequeneces that i have created

I read the selfishness of my ways but when i go to gamble my mind blocks it all out and then i have to deal with it after

I wish there was a quick fix or a get well soon programme but theres not

Knowig i have to face this for the next 40 years or however long i live is a really depressing thought

Yes i can have everything i want but everytime i go to get it i screw it up

Wonder what disasters ill have round the corner for me in the next 7 days

NI

fella that post reads like a man on the edge of pressing the destruction button. I take interest in your comments regarding blocks, true they are as strong as we make them, but believe me they can work. You have a statement of a kind of backwards recovery, you abstained for a long period then went back at it! Why?? Did recovery not deliver change ?? Then you have had shorter periods of abstinence. Is it because you still see gambling as the answer??

Because it is not, we all know what happens to us all in action " we cannot win because we cannot stop"

The only way to halt the destruction is abstinence.

With irony i have yet to come across a compulsive gambler who asked for help to stop them winning.and i can't see that happening any time soon.

So today i may sound harsh but as i said before i see myself in many of your posts, i would consider myself a decent loving, hard working fella who loved his family dear. But the truth is NI And the honest truth is whilst gambling, whilst living life through my addiction my only care was gambling.

I hope this period of abstinence shows you there is a way,that gamble free life can give you all you want and more.

You have 14k behind you already, something i guess you don't have access to?? As that may have fed the beast too.

Just for today my friend you made the right choice, indoor golf it is!! Made harder in my house as no carpets, just wood floors lol.

Keep going you can do this.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi NI thanks for the post my diary, the way you describe forgetting the feelings is exactly as I am. After a big loss I swear I'll never gamble again then two days later I decide a few spins won't hurt.

The pair of us must realise there is no point in gambling because we cannot control ourselves we are not like normal people who can have a flutter. I was recently away with work and had nothing to do in the bar so I put £40 in the slot I won £80 but as I was bored proceeded to play until I had nothing, my point being I don't think I would have stopped if I had won £150, I can't win because I can't stop.

I know you're in a bit of a mess now but please try not to gamble just for today, you love your fiancé and it's not worth losing. Hopefully you will have some good news from your boss, pay your debts and think of it is a new start. Whatever is lost has gone. Hope you stay strong

Nil boy, iam so sorry for your struggles I cannot write any more on your gambling than anyone else can however with regards to your wonga problems. You hae no other option but to default on the loan, once you do so contact them inmeditely and set up a payment plan they are a very reasonable company as payday lain ones go.