Diary 2

Hey Phil

Isolation in recovery can be a bit scary. Like you say people who do not understand addiction can sometimes be frustrating. You are cured just get on with your life. Us gamblers know differently. I guess it might be because people do not understand all the issues and reasons why people gamble. I think those that have never had an addiction might assume gamblers are greedy and should just stop. Support is essential in my view. There are different options obviously GA,Smart meetings are another option. Although it is not restricted to gamblers but addicts of all sorts. It is CBT based but this can also help manage things like anxiety. Facilitators are in recovery as in GA.

Phil like I said reading through various parts of the forum and on chat, I have noticed how you have become more humble and you are trying to be considerate to others. We all have opinions and suggestions. Maybe it is because we so want others to recover and can notice when they are going down a certain path. Sometimes I may say something on a forum or chat that might not be correct but I know my intentions are good that's what matters.

Keep writting and posting. Please do not isolate yourself on here it is working for you. I have read about your anxiety and slight agriphobia, I have no idea what that feels like. Perhaps if you feel comfortable you could write how that feels and all the difficulties that you face around it.

Take care Phil chat soon

Thank you Zulu. I think I generally have tried to be considerate to others on this forum but sometimes I have been spiteful which I'm addressing and curbing my tongue.

Yep, people think addicts after a while are "cured" I agree despite having tried to explain to some friends that for some it's not just about the "buzz", greed etc.

I don't see myself as the gambling version of a "dry drunk" because I am attempting to address a lot of my issues in therapy + I have had good feedback from the changes people have seen in me day to day.

However, the psychologist I am seeing has no idea about the time it takes to come off tranquillisers after a long period of dependency despite receiving a letter from a consultant explaining the process.

This has caused some "conflict" between us plus although I understand he has to "push" me to confront a lot of my fears (fundamentally the fear of having panic attacks in public places) sometimes it's been too much so we are currently taking a "break".

Best wishes, Phil.

Zulu just been looking at the SMART website and I like the approach. Turns out there is a meeting 200 yards from my house on a Monday afternoon! Very handy as I work from home!

Thanks for the information. Best wishes, Phil.

Phil no matter what people say I still love you buddy ! You've been a role model to me here . I remember when I was lost you were there support me and showed me the most helpful recovery process I my opinion " one day at a time " .

Much love,

Sars

Gosh! Two posters on my diary in a week! I might have to start a ticket system! Just kidding...

Thanks for posting Sars. The one day at a time approach can, in my opinion, mean whatever the individual wants it to. The main thing in my view is setting realistic goals which is why I like this approach rather than "I'm never going to gamble again".

Best wishes, Phil.

I'll take a ticket.

If you feel you need a bit of support then go get whatever is available in your area because the alternative doesnt bare thinking about.

I have never been to a GA meeting but if I didnt feel like what I am doing day in day out was working then I would give it a go. If its a load of old &^%£ then just knock it on the head and try something else (kiss and make up with the psychologist? 😉 ).

Well it's at 1pm and only a two minute walk from my house so I might as well give it a go. Best wishes, Phil.

The thing that I always have at the back of my mind is the consequences of gambling again. Obviously I don't want to live my life in fear or lacking inner belief but I guess that even after some time gamble-free I am still "raw" and aware of my behaviour when I was living a lie.

I'm going to this group to also potentially discuss (if I feel comfortable) my issues with tranquillisers. Although I am on a relatively low dose now, I still cannot see a future without them as a crutch.

A fine, fine day.

Hi phil

So pleased you are having a good day.

Strength to strength

Thank you Zulu and again thank you for the information.

I went to the Smart Recovery meeting yesterday (despite trying to find excuses not to go!) and it was really good. People addressing different addictions - including gambling - but with one common goal.

I didn't think I would talk but I did - about gambling and also tranquillisers. I felt there was a lot of common ground there and I like the fact the approach is based upon Cognitive Behavourial Therapy.

As I (hopefully) reach the end of my journey coming off the horrible pills I am also going to have some one to one sessions as I feel I need a little extra support so all in all a very positive experience.

Best wishes, Phil.

Every aspect of taking responsibility for my actions whilst actively gambling is a massively important part of my recovery including paying back debts - I now have just under £1,000 to pay off through my DMP. For me - setting up the plan was a good decision and has given me some peace of mind.

The downside - a totally destroyed credit rating and having to write a letter to my brother (which he may consider very cheeky) asking him if he and his wife are prepared to lend us some money for private IVF treatment - which looks like our only realistic chance of having a child now after the event of last year.

He/they may well says no but I have made it clear in my letter that if that is the case it will have no impact on our relationship.

Phil amazing to chip away at that debt, indeed good to have the dmp as you have that monthly payment. Sincere best wishes for getting funding for the IVF and thank you for sharing your journey in such an honest and compassionate way which I have found really helpful S:)

Thank you Sharon.

I'm very hesitant to post elsewhere but I would like to say on my diary I know there is a lot of deviousness within the gambling industry especially with pushing people to play machines which I never did. What happened to proposed legislation to limit a "stake" or "spin" to £2?

I have to add a friend of mine is a manager of a shop and he gets very distressed at some of the behaviour he experiences when he sees people hitting the machines, getting angry towards him etc.

The losses on the machines from what I witnessed can be much more catastrophic than a horse race but that's my view only and obviously it is all individual and proportional.

He's a lovely fella and I think he might be in the wrong job but that's his choice obviously.