Diary of a compulsive gambler

Day 12 and I've been through a really tough time over the past few weeks. Really taken it's toll on me and struggling every day. Need to avoid gambling and the horrible affect it had on lives. Stay strong people and keep winning.

Day 13 and really been struggling with thinking how much better things would be if I wasn't a compulsive gambler. How less stressful and normal a day could be? But it's fairly pointless it's like saying if I could kick a ball like and had the looks like David Beckham that would be great. It's all done and I just need to make life better from now. Really struggling with being impatient and not being able to wait for time to correct things. I reckon two full months of abstaining will improve things for me 100-fold. I just need to have the patience to see those 60 days out and then look back and think how things have improved. It's just really tough.

Hi,

Remember just one day at a time. Tomorrow you will not gamble. Those days progress into weeks
and then months.

You are doing brilliant. Keep focussing and ensure those barriers are high.

Best wishes

Thanks Balvaid. I need the support. Really helps. Got to get plodding along and not look back. Make each day a positive.

Another few hours with no gambling. Feel like I'm in a bad spot right now and need to keep the demons away so might be posting more regularly. Feel free to pop by with any nuggets of advice or strike up a conversation to keep me occupied for the forthcoming days weeks months and onwards. Thanks again for reading.

Another 45 mins done. Spent a chunk sorting my iphone out again to have K9 blocker. I can't gamble online as I'm signed up to and excluded from every single site known to man. That shows how deep I am in this mess. Absolutely crazy behaviour. However, I digress, my phone is always where the betting starts for me. Currently I can only withdraw a significant amount from one card I have and that is really there for an emergency day so I don't want to reduce that limit. So gambling for me now has to be in a bookies. But the gambling starts with me looking at odds and form on my phone... so I'm trying to cut out the very early stages of the process. I figure if I can't look at odds or easily find the events taking place then it adds another layer of difficulty in placing a bet.

Hi, how are things going? I'm relatively new here and spend a lot of time reading. Your doing really well. What's it now, 2 weeks tomorrow? That's half a month already. I have been looking into k9, do you find it works on your iPhone and is successful in blocking gambling? I've been finding reading everyone's posts and diaries is helping keeping me distracted, hopefully your finding something that works for you to? Keep going strong, your doing really well, I'm only on day 6 and seems like a lifetime away till things get better! Hang in there x

Hi and thanks for your post. I'm really struggling right now. Mostly dealing with how I have let myself and my family down through being in debt when I should have savings. It drags me into a horrible depressive state and brings out a quiet, loner, self loathing, miserable side in me. I just need to snap out of it but I think it's going to take me a long time.

On K9 there are a few steps to make it a worthwhile piece of kit. You need to go into settings and general and restrictions and set a 4 digit code. I cut a section out of a newspaper with 4 digits in row and I entered that then hide it in a box in my loft. The alternative is to get a friend to do it but you don't want to lose that code or you have to system reset should you discover K9 is not a workable solution for you. So the downside is I can override it but I've made it difficult for myself and I certainty couldn't do it if I was away from my house. You then need to disable safari. And download K9 on App Store. K9 is then you new search engine and it works pretty much the same as safari except you can't go on age restricted sites. So if I type in bet unfair the results won't include the gambling site and similar with things like odds checking sites that I used. It also acts as a constant reminder to me that I am a compulsive gambler as I see K9 and know the reason I have to use that and not safari is because I am a compulsive gambler and I've messed up badly.

So in summary it makes gambling activity difficult for me, and impossible if I can't get to that code, but it also keeps the past badness in my memory as a spur on to future goodness.

Into day 14 now...

Welcome to the end of week 2 🙂

Thanks for dropping by my diary 🙂 It takes hard work & dedication but you too can become a member of the 3% club! Patience is something we all struggle with & riding out the storms minute by minute will bode you well! Change, you MUST draw a line under what has gone & focus on your future! Until you accept that you can't change your past Mr Gamble will be constantly on your case!

You are doing great! Keep fighting - ODAAT

Hi change,

2 weeks today, those negative feelings do come and go, but they do get less as we move further along.

You are doing just fine, stay strong, keep focused with that guard tightly up

Suzanne xxx

Start of day 14 and just at the hospital waiting for the consultants daily walk rounds. No thoughts of gambling today thus far.

Another hour done. Spoke to the quack and got an update. Not the best one I've seen as just seems to let things drag on and on and is scared to make a decision. To be honest not sure that a bad thing as I prefer the other consultants and trust their judgment better. Still avoided gambling for an hour...

Another two hours ticked off and moving forward. Feeling a bit more relaxed after a struggling couple of days.