Diary of a compulsive gambler

keep going!

ive done 8 days now, feel really good. Got counselling tonight, ill drop by and let you know how that goes incase you were thinking of trying it?

Hi change stay strong an keep busy. Try an focus on something during your past time. I focus on things too take you mind off it. Thinking of the past will eat you up. Try an put it in the past an learn from your mistakes by not gambling again. A relapse when I think too much about gambling cause I convince myself I can just have one bet a day and I have been so wrong cause I end up worse than I have ever been. Move forward never back stay strong

Hi Underdog - I did consider counselling but they want authority to contact your GP and I don't want them to do that. I think it would have been worthwhile but it's not an option for me right now.

Hi Allister - yeah the past is bad and all I can change is the future. Couple of brief moments today where I thought "that was nice as I didn't spend any time thinking of gambling". Hopefully I'll have more moments like that in the future.

Hope everyone is doing well out there... I'm always here and waiting to chat if you need it!

Another hour or so done and still not been looking at fixtures or odds or sporting events etc. I like using K9 instead of safari as it removes the scope to start the betting process.

Hi Change

Thanks for the post on my new improved diary. If you read my old one from three or four months ago you will see it is very extreme to this one. For me I have found that beating myself up and reminding me f***l the bad times and things I've done due to gambling didn't help which is why I created the new one. A recent event that happened to a young family member who is now left paralysed down one side and doesn't recognise even her mum was a real eye opener, sad that it took that but when I consider I have a choice and she didn't it made me realise I should be grateful for every single thing I have eve n if I do wish for more. And actually the more I think about those things rather then thinking if I get and have a big win I can have them I have realised if I don't gamble I have a much better chance of having them. Continue to gamble =0% chance stop gambling 100% certainty the holiday I mentioned in my last post which has only taking 3 months of refraining.

My motto for each day I get up now is "be grateful for what I have today as tomorrow that could all be gone" like what happened to my youngcousin.

Have you ever heard of the self for filling profiecy?

If you think positive thoughts then you are more like to have positive outcomes, negative thoughts only equal in negative outcomes. An example someone goes out for night in town with I hate the world attitude and negative behaviour will almost certainly attract a fight with someone of an equal mindset or have a really bad night. That individual goes out in a happy positive mood, is friendly to people and will almost certainly get a positive response and have a great night. That is why most of us compulsive gamblers lose our friends because we think negatively and the people around us slowly do not want anything to do with us, who can blame them?

Anyway enough waffling, just remember a positive thought can lead to a number of positive outcome s.

Well done on refraining.

Take care

Bex

Thanks Bex - I have had life changing events take place in recent months and it definitely changes your perspectives. I can't fall back into gambling.

Morning of Day 15 and waiting to see the docs again. Hopefully will be another good day.

Few more hours done. Watched bit of cricket to pass time this morning. Normally find it quite hard to watch sport now and I did have some urges but impossible for me to act on that as can't get to cash, can't bet online so need to go to a shop and can't get to a shop so no point even considering.

Towards end of day 15. Been thinking when I can get level and it's looking like by September payday I should have credit card paid off and be back straight. That's 54 days away so I'm just going to say at 70 days I'll have a mini celebration. I'm about a fifth of the way there...

Just gone through an hour of self loathing. Keep trying to talk myself out of it as pointless but keep coming back to it. Just can't get over it. So hard for me to deal with right now. Makes me so depressed and down. I really need to get back even and have credit card paid off. That then makes me think about gambling. I then think that's crazy and just got to be patient. I just want it off my mind. So think again about gambling. Go back to thinking that's stupid and will only make it worse. Just got to count down days to get it sorted. And I go round and round tormenting myself. Really really really bad.

Can't sleep tonight. Just recycling everything in my head. It's absolute torture but I don't feel like I can end the torture till my debts are gone. I'm not so much focused on my past errors so I'm not reliving them it's more that I want to start with the future but I can't do that until my debts gone. Does that make sense? I feel like once I'm even and savings money and buying things I'll be seeing the rewards of not gambling. Right now I'm stuck in this rut of wanting change but it's so slow.

Things doesn't change overnight I'm afraid, but with your work, determination and belief you will get there quicker than you think. Allow yourself some time to just stop...just stop thinking and detach yourself from all this mindfook.
Give yourself 5 mins to see where you are heading in this journey and how every day you abstain will be a huge step forward in yourself and the ones around you.

Never hive up giving up..things will get better...no doubt!

S x

That's really valuable advice Sandra. Any tips on how to stop thinking? Do I just need to stay busy? I try to post on here a lot but the problem is that this is a 'gambling arena' - it's all about gambling so my mind is constantly thinking about gambling and it's affect on my life.

I really need to stop thinking about the debt and gambling. It'll all work it's self out if I never gamble again.

Stay strong strange, don't think about the past. It will eat away at you. Being gamble free means your free. Your debt will go in no time. I was in a lot of debt years ago through gamble now I owe no debt. Please stop thinking about the past cause in the past you used too gamble an you will start thinking it's ok too gamble. I have been there. You can't change the past. Be thankful for what you have rather than what you don't have. You can change things. You can change your life for the better nobody else can. Try not thinking about debt an gambling I know it's hard but you need an interest too take your mind of it. You feel an urge say too yourself. I am a compulsive gambler an must not gamble an then come on the site an speak too people. Stay strong

Thanks Allister - not sure if the "stay strong strange" opening line was a slip of deliberate haha! I was acting strange last night. Just getting those sweats where fear about what I've done. Been much better today.