Dilemma

Away in Newcastle last night again on work. No gambling again. I do find my mind trying to go back to its old ways which is really strange. So, clearly some way to go but its fair to say life is much better without gambling.

well done mate froma fellow evertonian, are youa member on 606 evertonians? If not join its good.

Phew....what beautiful weather! It certainly makes a change. Ever since I gave up cricket, the sun has been blazing and the tracks have got flatter and harder (I was an opening batsman!)

The entire family headed over to N Ireland at the weekend on the ferry. It was a lovely wedding....just a little tiring! I'm pleased to say that I haven't gambled. I did walk past the fruities on the ferry and I felt a small wave of excitement.....its a totally weird thing for a rational human being to understand, but I guess its become ingrained in my psyche. I walked on past and took the kids to have their faces painted.

Its been a while since the Thursday of the Cheltenham festival. I still feel good about life but I know that I need to keep reading/writing and visualizing.

Hope everybody is making good progress and speak soon.

R

Just about to check into my bed for the night. Just to say all is still well. I feel my mind slipping towards the world cup. Before every World Cup I always think that England will win. Only this time I won't be betting on it. An England victory will be priceless compared to any bets. Lastly a tip for any one who suffers with the horses...this was always my weakness and I know this sounds simple but.....don't expose yourself to anything horse related...that means no papers, if you hear a report on the radio....turn it off, don't watch anything on the TV. Just try to imagine that the sport doesn't exist.....its not there so it can't be a trigger!

Anyway, enough of my dull chat. Goodnight all.

R

Another day passes by. I was down in London today for a meeting. I was reading the Evening Standard and averted my eyes away from the racing page and the tipster column.....job done. Its pretty boring news I guess but it needs to be done!

Complacency is my biggest enemy.

Onward and upwards

R

Just finished my foursome match at the golf club. A nice little 2&1 victory so I'm pretty happy with that. I got my first monthly bank statement today. This was quite a big thing for me as I've always asked for yearly statements (so I could get it and destroy as quickly as possible in order to hide my gambling). I had to ask my lovely wife to look at it......I wanted her to look to show her that I'm now an open book. I think she appreciated this, but she didn't comment. What it showed was a completely clear month of gambling.

Anyway, I hope you are all making progress.

Laters alligators

R

Still gamble free having stopped after my last fateful bet on the Thursday of the Cheltenham festival. Looking back (and I know its only around 10 weeks ago) I can't believe I got myself in that position. Since then I've accepted that I can no longer gamble. Thats a big step after 16 odd years.

I had a tiny little buzz on Friday evening when I realized the next day was saturday. Again, this is just habit. Solid round of golf yesterday without shooting the lights out. One of my lads has been sick today so I'm currently looking after the poor chap. I have to say that the relationship with my wife is as good as its been for a long long time. The trust element is a massive part of this.

Anyway, I'm getting excited about the world cup. The expectation on the team is huge but I generally feel that this is our year. It will be a gamble free tournament for me.

I have given up gambling and can never return to it.

Russ

Having read this entire thread, i have to say you're quite an inspiration!

It spurs me on to not fall at the hurdles that i'll inevitably face like you could have so easily done with vegas and the grand national etc. Makes me even more determined to stay gamble free so thank you for this diary Russ!

And keep up the good work.

Thanks CJW, your comments are most welcome.

I'm sitting here on Tuesday morning after a hectic weekend with the kids. Its all quite as I've just settled our youngest (8 months) back to sleep. I think I've learnt that Bank Holiday Mondays are a stay at home and go to a local park day, have a picnic etc rather than try and do some activity with the masses.....we went to Monkey Forest. What a nightmare! It was like being on Bank tube station at rush hour!

Anyway, it was another gamble free weekend. I believe its key to keep up the diary and reading. If I stop, I'm almost certain that the deviant part of my mind will win over time. I'm not talking weeks...more like in a years time when this will all be forgotten. Does this mean that I have to do a diary for the rest of my life?? Who knows, but for the time being its working.

One final point. I've been totally honest about everything to my wife, yet I've not told her about this diary (she knows I read on this site). I'm not sure why I haven't told her. Should I?

Have a good week.

Russ

no shame in telling the wife about your diary mate,well done on your continuous abstinence...good stuff,i totally agree with you about bank hols,ques near everywhere but least you got quality time with your family...best wishes we can do this 😉

Thanks wp, its nice to know that there are some out there reading my little updates. It scares me to think that this is one of the main gambling help pages yet there are so few regular users. There must be thousands out there still denying the problem (like I did for years and years and years!) I've stopped once before for around 4 months. The difference this time compared to then is that I have now accepted that I can never gamble ever again. When I stopped for 4 months I always thought that I could come back and gamble in moderation. I firmly believe that if you have compulsive gambler traits you can never gamble in moderation.

Another gamble free day....I got a call from my cricket captain today asking me to play on Sunday in the cup as their really short. I felt bad saying no but I've stopped and thats final. Just watching Keiswetter playing cricket in the 20-20....he is total class.

Russ

How nice is this weather at the moment? Beautiful! I managed to sneak another round of golf in with some clients on Wednesday evening which is always a bonus. It also meant that I was busy during with evening when I was away from home (sometimes a trigger for me). I have to say that my 'habit behavior' is subsiding. This is great news and a sign that all the writing, reading and mind set change is working. I find that I'm so much more chilled and relaxed. I've always wondered why used I get so irritable and stressed when I come from such a relaxed and loving family. I'm coming to realize that it was the gambling.

Anyway, my heart goes out to all the people in West Cumbria. It appears it was all down to money/tax issues. Money is the cause for a great deal of misery in the world.

Enjoy the sun

Russ

It is a lovely day an our problems seem trivial compared to the tragic events in Cumbria.

Well done on staying gamble free. I too am a binge gambler an therefore know I cannot gamble again as once I do (even stopping for six months each time) I get compulsive about it.

Yes it does make me irritable an moody too even though I have lovely friends an family who when I am gambling I ignore and dont have time to see or talk too cos I am too busy gambling!!! how sad is that. And it is closet gambling as they dont know.

I came on this site several times over the past three years an have moderate success as if I carry on posting I have managed not to gamble.

Then I get complacent an almost think I cannot contribute or need support if I am not gambling but really that is when the dangerous time is!!!

So am going to carry on even when I am gamble free on a continous basis.

Enjoy the lovely weather an be stress free. Good luck on every single day u remain that way.

Its been a few days since my last update. I've not gambled in this period. What I have noticed during this time is that gambling thoughts have been working back into my mind. I watched the Epsom Derby.....a recording on the internet. I don't think this is a problem but I just need to be careful. As time passes, the memory of Vegas is starting to fade away. I guess I just need to keep posting and reading. I asked my lovely life if she fully trusted me yet, she said no. Further work needed.

hi mate. keep up the good work. if u went to vegas and didnt gamble you must have good will power.

c.