Dilemma

Hello Marrah........ Just having a rare pop in to these diarys.

Superb to see that the life of Russ is still going well. Theres no hiding from gambling but having the strength to stick that middle finger up at them thieving bastarxs is sure rewarding...

So carry on being a 'good Russ' and wishing you all the very best.....

Hi Russ

Im interested m8 i read your handicap had come back down.Do you feel this is because you practice more now that you dont gamble?

I enjoyed the masters myself m8 and i can say i would never have picked out the winner at the beginning of the tournament.So probably another £100 into my non gambling kitty lol.Keep up the good work M8 Jeff.

Hi Russ.

I'm just back from a week golfing in Turkey. It's only the second time i have golfed abroad but i will definitely be returning as the courses are fabulous. Unfortunately my r9 driver was snapped in transit so i will need to claim on the insurance for that one!

I did feel a little sense of relief once the Masters and the National had passed. They used to be two huge betting occasions for me but i can honestly say i did not have a single urge to bet. I've no interest in flat racing at all so i see no huge clouds on the horizon other than a scheduled trip to Haydock. I am already taking great heart from your previous trips to Vegas and York though mate.

Enjoy your week mate.

Thank you for the kind posts. I think it's been around a couple of weeks since I last updated this diary. I've read now and again, but I've noticed the volume of posts has dropped off. I've not been gambling or had any urges. It's been a great deal easier post the masters and the grand national. I'm still running, although I've dropped the miles per week as my knees were starting to hurt me (curly, I'm 80k at the moment, but I'm still off 5.4!). The cricket season starts today. I'm only playing home games this year due to the fact I have three kids under the age of five. It's always a testing time with the wife as she's not a fan of me heading off from 12pm until 8pm. I guess I'd rather be arguing over this than me chucking another grand down the bookies throat.

Enjoy the bank holiday sun and I wish you all well in your battles. Russ

Hi Russ.. great stuff on your continued recovery. Sorry to hear youve got slightly dodgy running knees at the moment. You do the right thing with easing off the mileage for a bit. Must admit I find easing off or resting very hard... Am injury free at the moment.. touch wood (my head). I have your 1 hour 47 in my sights... regards.. S.A 🙂

Hi Russ.

Turkey was great mate. I've only golfed abroad in Spain before but the courses in Turkey were on a different level. We played Montgomerie x2, the National and Nobilas. The National is probably the best course i have ever played. I'll definitely be heading back and i could not recommend it enough.

Funny you should suggest the r11 as i actually got one yesterday morning! Tried out a Mizuno, Titleist and the r11 and the r11 was the clear winner. I reckon i will be off 3 by the end of the year so you better pull your finger out.

I didn't know you were a cricketer? Batter or bowler? I played a lot of cricket in school and played a whole summer a few years back but it was too long a day for me especially if i was out for a duck! I'd much rather be on the golf course.

Enjoy your Easter mate. Go easy on the chocolate!

Hi Russ

Firstly well done on your continued recovery.

Did i read you were a 5.4 handicap?Hmm not bad.I played Rhos on sea on Sunday.The course was great and we had a great meal,unfortunately i couldnt match it with my golf lol.Par 69 and i hit 86 playing off 14 so didnt make par.Never mind m8 lots of time to improve without wasting my time in the bookies lol.All the best Jeff.

I'm around the 13-14 month mark now...time is now becoming irrelevant. As far as I'm concerned...I'm stopped and will never gamble again. I finally came to my senses. So much of it has to do with habit. I was programmed to gamble...so I did it. My suspicious behaviour has now left me......this takes time but is a key ingredient to mending relationships and trust. Everybody always thought of me as a laid back character....little did they know of the turmoil I was facing inside me. Now I am as laid back as I look. Gambling is no longer a part of my life and never will be again. Russ

Good on you Russ and thanks for popping into my diary!

No intention, far from it to return to my gambling ways. Like yourself came to my senses and no real urge of note but I do struggle with filling that void. I know the answer, its just finding that motivation to get of axse!

Anyway Marrah all the best to you and yours.

Well.......I felt the need to post today. I was in a service station with the 500 fruities and a broken lady in it. I had that feeling in my stomach that I had an urge. It times like this that this site is SO important. I've been educated into understanding the urge....stepping back and letting it past. I treated myself to a bit of chocolate and left. I hate to say it but IT'S still there, within me.....just lurking. I won't let it back in. Once an addict....always an addict. I read a post from SA than many gamblers go back to it after a year of non gambling time.....I can fully understand that. I WILL NOT LET IT HAPPEN. Russ

I think about that... A year of no gmabling then to throw it all away, it really does scare me. I hope it isn't a common pitful, but reality sais it's common enough to be a danger.

As for fruities, i've always felt they're my worst hang-up i mean i've done a fair bit of money throguh other methods but the (my) urge to play fruit machines is just stupid, i don't recall the last time i went to a pub that i didn't have a go on the bandit.

Either way, keep going, one thing we can say for certain is that, if you fight them, urges do pass, sure we can get them again. but hell, they'll pass agian as well.

Hi Russ.

Well done on resisting that unexpected urge to gamble. In many ways that post that you have written is a great help as it contains a lesson that we can never feel that we have cracked it. I'm getting a slight urge to lump on Stoke in the cup final at the weekend but like you i will buy chocolate instead.

Oh and get back on the golf course pal!

Hi Russ.. good to read that you continue to work recovery. It really is so easy to step back into gambling no matter how long we have been gambling free. The horrible thing about this addiction is that it only takes "one binge" to put us back in the financial hole and probably get us feeling just like we use to feel when gambling was all consuming... thats been my experience anyway. I choose to step off that merry go round once and for all and by the sounds of it.. so do you.

I hope your knees get better. I must say my running is starting to go from strength to strength. I need a race soon before the injury gremlins return.

Thanks for your support.. S.A 🙂

Russ,

Just catching up on your diary.

I'm still laughing at that comment you made a while back about you now being as laid back as you look.

Your observations are spot on too about this addiction and that it will not go away. I reckon we will always be tempted and that temptation will come when we are not expecting it. Its a case of keeping on our toes, but all in all, its a small price to pay. The alternative is total ruin and if you say to me that I need to keep my eye in on recovery, then that is a relatively small price to pay. It's about accepting the fact that I am a compulsive gambler. I wish I wasn't but I am. My experience over the past 11.5 months supports this e.g. only at the weekend I got my latest urge. Had 60 in my pocket and wanted to put it on Man City. I had a couple of pints on me at the time. Was tough but delighted that I didn't bet.

Keep up the great work Russ. If we are repeating these discussions in 5 years time and we haven't bet, then I'd be happy with that.

Brian

a wee struggle for you last week russ but you got through it with flying colours...yes it still CAN be a struggle but we learn to deal with these struggles...well done buddy and keep it going 😉 i still read on a regular basis but havent really much to say gamblewise...oh and where s this billy mitchell coming from ?? years ago i couldnt go anywhere withoot someone calling me trevor from the same programme lol..take care my friend,we can do this 😉