Dilemma

Hi Russ

A massive well done m8 on your 2 years and many thanks for all the help you have given myself.Like me i know you dont feel the need to post as often these days but its always good to hear from you.All the best Jeff.

Strength and honor good Marrah..

Superb 2 years Russ and now only 5% away from normality.

Good luck... Paul

Hi Russ

Always good to hear from you m8.Well last night did go very well.Even better than i thought with other results.

I have a feeling you are going to have a very good weekend and wish you all the best for your big game.I will be rooting for Everton.Well done in your continued recovery Jeff.

Russ.

Cheers for keeping on at me. Your a good mate. I envy you for making it look so easy.

I'm going at recovery full steam ahead now. Got back in the gym last night and need to get fit in body and mind ahead of a big summer of golf.

I hope you Keep showing me and others the way.

Thanks for the posts. I thought was time for an update to stop my mind wondering. I've recently been in Bournemouth, a place where I've been in the local casinos. I've feel that I've been testing myself recently. I've always enjoyed the gold cup, the masters and the national. All three come closely together and in the past saw my gambling at it's worst. This year I allowed myself to make selections before each. Why I did this I have no idea.....maybe a force of habit. Anyway, I picked the winner of all three (along with a few other selections). I started thinking to myself 'what if I had put x on, I would have got y back'. The gamblers brain is evil....always waiting to pounce on any weakness. Needless to say, I haven't gambled but in my mind I was simulating it. All those events have been and gone and the summer months are ahead.

I also wanted to comment on a post by lying eyes. Lying eyes has been able to gamble in moderation. After being on these diaries for over two years I feel that I can make a fairly sound comment on this. I believe there are two types of gamblers. Those who are born with a slighty different wired brain. We're the ones who gamble from a very early age, we had no trauma or event it just happened (this is me). Then you have the gambler who is trying to escape from a trauma or event in there life. The first type of gambler will never ever be able to gamble in moderation. It's wired into us and it's something we will have to manage for the rest of our life's. The second type of gambler may be able to return to gambling like a normal individual if the underlying trauma has been delt with. They no longer need gambling as a form of escapism. If you are like me, then you should know that gambling will always be lurking below the surface, it's just a case of understanding the urges and staying in control.

I know some of my friends on the forum have been struggling. I'm very lucky and I can say that life is better without gambling. I'm starting u11 cricket sessions at our club tomorrow. Would I have been doing this whilst I was gambling..........

Russ

Russ,

Just catching up with your diary. Hope all is well with you.

Your last post is very honest. That kind of honesty is important. I find that writing down my temptations helps to cleanse my system of them a little. Perhaps it does for you too. We both know that playing with virtual bets is dodgy territory; you don't need me to tell you this. What's of most importance is that you don't act on them. The gambling mind is complicated... you (I) convince yourself that you have more knowledge now... that you can stand back and see the bigger picture perhaps... that a crafty and controlled bet or two could earn a dividend perhaps.... it would only be a once off. That's addiction talking. I hope I'm not putting words in your mouth.

Someone in a GA room told me to follow through your logic like above. If it leads to disaster then there is no point in entertaining these thoughts. I agree that we're wired differently and these thoughts will come into our heads. We have to be strong and vigilent. Look after yourself today... read a bit more on these diaries than usual etc.. just for a little while. Take a read of Blues' post... I know you have contributed to his diary regularly.

I know I'm preaching to the converted and sometimes I'd fall foul of the same thing.... e.g. when I'd see odds of a football match advertised on the hoarding around the grounds or on the half time adverts. They creep up out of nowhere... I reckon the deal is battling them away without getting too involved with the thoughts.

I hope all is well at home these days. My heart goes out to those who struggle... and theres a couple of really sad stories on the boards these days.

P.s. all is good with me. Went to a meeting last night. It had been 10 days since my last one. My missus points it out to me if I've been lazy about it but thats about the extent of the discussion about it these days. That's a real result based on where we were 2 years ago. The trust will be broken instantly if I dabble again.

Later,

Brian

Thanks Brian, always great to hear from you. I'm in Edinburgh this evening...it is a stunning city. I went on a 8 mile run all around the city, by the royal gardens, past arthurs seat, past the castle and a whole host of book makers. Thank goodness I can enjoy life without gambling. The run cost me nothing and gave me so much. Gambling nearly cost me my marriage and a s**t load of cash.

Russ,

Hope all is well with you. Best wishes to you and the family.

Brian

Thanks for the post Brian, the family are very well.

I was in London last night for a industry event. We had some beers and then headed into Soho. We then had a load more drink before it was time to say our goodbyes and head back to our hotels. As I searched for a taxi I went through Leicester Square. I had plenty of money in my pocket and for some reason decided to go into one of the casinos (you can just walk straight in these days as many of you will know). Was I testing myself again or was I going in there to gamble? I was very drunk at the time o it's difficult to say. I wondered round and watched a few tables. One guy had round 300 pounds on a spin of roulette. He lost and then cash up another 250. He had pretty much every number covered apart from 27. Guess what? Number 27 came in. It just reminded me as to why I don't gamble anymore. I took a pint of water from the bar, drank it and then walked out of the casino without spending a penny. I went in there with cash in my pocket and I was drunk....yet I didn't gamble. It was another huge test even after 2+ years and I passed again. I can remember a big smile coming across my face as I left.

funny when drunk how the gambling beast within can lure us into gambling establishments.

I guess it will always be within the compulsive gambler but you seem to be very comfortable as another month bet free approaches.

Keep going friend

best wishes

winning post 🙂

I'm sat on the train so I thought it was time to catch P with some old pals. I'm using the site less and less as I move away from gambling all together. The 'trust' issue arose again last week. I was using my Blackberry whilst we had a three day break. I was using it to catch up with a few work emails that needed my attention. My wife commented that she just sees me tapping away...she doesn't know if I'm sending a text, email etc. in her heart she knew that I wasn't 'up' to anything but she just didn't like not knowing. Would this have been a problem if I didn't lie and abuse the trust she had in me...probably not. It just feels like a bit of a life sentence sometimes. I guess it would be the same if 'one' cheats on their wife. I would never ever do this, yet I feel the results are almost he same. Anyway, it's not a major problem. She wasn't cross, she just wanted inclusion and for me to be open. These situations only arise a few times a year....but they do hurt a little for both parties.

Life is good in general....my cricket team are top of the league, I scored a ton last weekend and the under 11's are coming on nicely. Work is a little tricky, but it's never plain sailing all the way. Keep up the fight and enjoy life for what it is without gambling. Russ

Hello old Marrah...

As always chuffed to see an old Marrah on my diary... Also paid a visit back to the old Fatherland of Cumbria Aunt visiting......

Interesting last post, thinking us moving away from gambling is hard nut to c,rack but not as hard as that seed of doubt. Tinking part of the process towards a good life..

Alls good on the xmug front..

Strength and Honor

Hello Russ,

Just reading through your last post shows the depth that a love ones hurt from a partners gambling can be embedded in their minds. As you say it was pased by with no real problem... but the key is & always will be the same... to remain as 'open' in ones life as possible.

It can hurt (on both sides) when moments like this appear in life on odd occassions, emotions awoken from the past can set our 'warning' signals on amber momentarily!

Communication, honesty & openess... as always, will see these unwanted emotions run their natural course. I wish You & yours a great future.

Jackie

Hi Russ

Just wanted to say a really big thank you for replying to my post. It meant a lot.

I still feel really cr** about letting you down, but I'm sure that all this is for the best.

I'm glad that you continue tO do so well- never in doubt

Regards

T&g

Always great to hear from one of the "old hands" on these diaries and that they remain gamble-free.

Keep reminding us on here what life is like being gamble-free for a long time, eh?

NT