Hi,
I’ve been addicted to gambling for 14 years, starting when I was 17. It affected me all through University, and although I had fairly short periods away, I would always come back to spend my earnings.
Just over 4 years ago, my finances were in a terrible state so my wife took out a loan on my behalf due to my poor credit. Over those 4 years, I didn’t gamble once and made all the repayments to get the loan paid off. However, I now find myself, 4 months later, owing exactly the same debts as I did 4 years ago after giving in to gambling. It started as a coping mechanism when things felt really tough at home, but before long I was turning to it at the slightest opportunity. I’ve got an amazing family, my wife and two beautiful boys - and yet I’ve struggled to find the strength to beat my gambling urges, even for them.
I’d really like to keep this diary to keep myself accountable and get the thoughts of gambling off my chest. Day 0 today.
Day 1 ✅
In the past the cycle has been: suffer a big loss, feel such sickness and self-loathing for giving in to gambling so easily and letting my family down, then the determination to stop. However, many times I have also woken up the following day knowing full well that I would try and win my losses back. Delusional.
Today I woke up feeling positive about stopping, it feels like a real turning point - back in work after the Christmas period off so it was good to be busy and have some structure back.
Day 1 in the books and on to the next!
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