Don't Turn Around

Hello Smashed and big congratulations on 80 days gamble free. Great progress and a good attitude.

Thank you for posting on my diary. I agree completely with your sentiments "This time we'll get it right."

100 Days to the World Cup and by than we will be well established members of the century club.

Take care and keep going forward...stephen

A busy week with no thoughts of wanting to gamble, gamban is doing its job and it looks like Gamstop is not far from launch so will be good to get that blanket online barrier up and will sign up on launch day. I remember this time of year all being about Cheltenham races and following horses and form and today could not care less, although horses was never really the the problem that roulette and slots turned into its still avenues back to misery Street. Keeping positive not trying to dwell on what if's and things are definitely moving forward, not as quickly as I want but are definitely moving. Just gotta keep my eyes and mind open and know how gambling works.

Had a look back to when I was last at 95 days, 16/11/17. And thought I had a good understanding of how the gambling mind works, but maybe all I knew was the tip of the iceberg as during the second half after the relapse it reveals itself more and more like the Crimson King attacking daily as I resist urges to gamble, our past internet actions haunt us as we get emails and ads and recommendations daily to make us just step over the line again, googling how to remove gambling ads from social media with no answers supplied by any of the big companies our internet actions of the past follow us around as the compulsive gambler is the ultimate prize as even if they win they will just keep pressing like lab rats. Apart from the gambling mind daily attacks( I know totally understand what ODAAT is all about) life is good everything is ticking along well apart from the financial kicking from last year but I am dealing with it, no choice really. The creative mind is working well and I can see a future of breaking the regular working for a corporate company mindset and leaving behind some nice works, even will make a film about addiction one day, especially compulsive gambling as it really is a beast of an addiction to fight.

Hi Smashed thanks for posting, as you say so much more than financial loses....time, brainspace whilst gambling not to mention the aftermath which feels like it will never end sometimes!!! Sorry that got a bit self pitting there!! But here is to the future where there is no gambling only progress and hope! Sounds like you have some creative and prosperous plans in the pipeline, ho for it! Thanks for your ongoing encouragement and support Sx

Day 100. Been here before got the T Shirt. Gambling lurks in my mind it hates me for the resistance, I hate it full stop, we loathe each other it has no mercy on me and knows about my lifestyle my thoughts and hacks my positive thought processes and looks for cracks daily. In a way to beat this addiction you have to hate it, I remember the day with the smashed laptop on the floor the head in the hands. To beat this you have to not give in to the urges and realise when there coming and they will usually break in unaware, a quick 5 minute watch of a YouTube streamer, or an email enticement, seeing an article of someone winning big. But winning is saying "I don't gamble anymore". The second half reaches one hundred days, I could of hit 250 if I never fell off the path. I hope changemylife is doing good, staying gamble free and following his dreams. Have a good day everyone.

Hi Smashed, great to see you at 100 days! Like you if I feel tempted I think back to how I felt when it seemed everything was hopeless. Definitely don't want to go back there. Enjoy your second century GF Sx

Hi Smashed

Well done on the 100 days. Totally agree "But winning is saying "I don't gamble anymore"." It is something to say with pride.

Keep it up

Well done on the 100 days, great achievement. Just behind you and know it isn’t that easy, so should be proud of your achievement. Keep cracking on. Rich

Hello Smashed. Congratulations on 100 days GF... stephen

Thanks for all the replies. Another week passes by and have to focus on attacking debt mountain, as the beginning of the month is still annoying seeing those payments leaving the account for what was for the majority a week of pure addicted gambling madness. And even when you look at it online, there is still a part of your mind that will convince you that you can win it all back, and will even play out the escape plan in your mind for you too follow. A few more weeks and I will be back to where I was as far as day counts go and Christmas will be the year.

110 Days. I changed the name of the thread to Don't Turn Around, as I dont want to listen to what gambling has to say, as over the years it has deeply imbedded itself into my thoughts, I hear its calling often and know so much more about it, when and how it puts its foot in the ajar door, have to stay seriously focused to keep it at bay but thats what I'm doing every day and will not ever let it in again ever.

Great title and well done on racking up those days. Yes the debt is a constant reminder although over time I've let them play less on mind, not being dismissive just know I'm doing all I can to pay them off. Hope you're having a good weekend take care S x

Grand National day a day in the past where I would know the horses and try and work out the puzzle of the race and bet on the horses, knowing that it was a stupid race for a punt. This year will be the first day since the Red Rum days that I will not gamble on the race, and being honest I'm glad, it's another step to rid this gambling parasite from my system, I know what it will do today and I am ready to bat away it's advances especially today. Day 117.

Another week passes by, some of the stories have been hard to read, could relate to a lot of them as its not easy to stop. I could be just sitting on the sofa and then get really really strong urges to deposit, like a horrible feeling a sick type feeling and a simple £20 deposit will cure it, its really hard to explain, the gambling demon works out a way to shutdown all the good fuses and force you to do something you really dont want to do, it does. I have worked out a lot of triggers ie the free spins emails, and free money and block email adresses so I dont get them much now, but the random out of the blue gamble do it, do it now I dont get where that comes from and know it can strike randomly at any time. But I am at 125 days after around about the same time as the last relapse so am being vigilent. Apart from that everything else is going well, its pigeon steps but still steps none the less, I hope the gamstop gets released soon as that will be good to get my name on that internet blanket ban.

Hi Smashed

Great to hear you are doing so well. Congrats on your 125 days. Like you said previously we started our journeys around the same time and but for that one small relapse we would be on a very similar day count.

By the sound of things that one off relapse could turn out to be a real positive in terms of what you have learnt from it and how positively you have reacted to it.

Well done mate, I am proud of you, keep up the great work.

46 and Out