Don't Turn Around

Hi 46 and Out.

I'm good still GF but the last few days been wanting to gamble, with still nearly another two weeks until payday all funds have ran out and will have to get the essentials on CC's until then, I think running out of money which was caused by gambling, in my mind I have the "I want it back" running through my head, and the stupid gambling logic of thinking I can. I'm up early today and logged in and was grateful you looked out for me, as going quiet on here during recovery is definately feeling low or slipping back or a relapse. So made it to 37 days GF and Gambling yesterday was at my doorstep rattling his long claws on the door asking if I want to come to play, luckily for me I didnt open the door but realised he's not going to go away easily.

Hi Smashed

It's great to hear you are still GF. You have done well to fight off the urges. One way to look at using your CC's a couple of weeks before payday is that you would probably have started using them a week or more ago if you had been gambling. I am also having to use CC's at times to get through the month and whilst I would prefer not to, I am going to try and pay more off on payday than I spent on them the month before. Whilst that may only be slow progress in the right direction if I was still gambling the CC debts would be getting bigger much quicker !! I think it sometimes helps if we get urges as long as we don't succumb to them, its acts as a reminder that we need to remain strong and focused to improve our lives and we must never become complacent. Keep visiting the forum, and keep those urges and any "I want it back" thoughts firmly behind the door 🙂

46 and out

I forgot to mention, have you considered joining the 2017 Challenge thread on the "Overcoming Problem Gambling" forum. I find it gives me a bit of a boost each week when the updates are posted and I see how many GF days I have accumulated. Some of the GF days others have accumulated are pretty inspirational too. If you post your current number of GF days and ask to join, the person that kindly puts time in to run it will start your GF count at that point. You just have to check in once a week via a quick post. Works for me anyway. 46 and out.

Well done smashed.

I'm finding it so hard I really am, still GF but literally can think of nothing else, especially this time of night!

Any tips on staying positive and gf?

I am also paying a large amount of my salary to a DMP which is a really bitter pill to swallow as the majority of my debt (and the whole cause of my financial troubles, we are allowed a manageable amount of debt) are caused by gambling.

I worked out that since April this year Iv gambled £5,230 and won £2050! All that loss!!

Thank You 46 & Xenedra.

I think everyone is different when it comes to stopping, a lot people go down the old skool route of sitting in a circle and standing up saying "I am Joe Bloggs, and I am a Compulsive Gambler" and then everyone clapping, for me I couldnt do that route. Or cutting up cards, cant go that route, it's just me and my daughter we need to get by, I have no family close by, my Mum is not far but we dont see eye to eye but thats another story. On the 13th of August, Gambling had beat me and was laughing as I smashed up stuff(hence the name) and left me with a massive debt with my head in my hands and thought he will be back. But that day was enough and said to myself that was the last day ever. We are the side of gambling that the industry likes to be here having our little moan ups, saying we done this we lost this and done that, but we are contained here a few hundered ish. We are not allowed to mention Bookmakers here as Gamcare is funded by them, I would love to do a post especially my very last gambling session showing the deposits and the mad scale of the bets placed, I know its my own fault I did it, but as a video mentioned here it was unlawful hypnotism as if I had more funds I would of kept on going. The profits the main players make is astronomical. We are the now, but the future is worse as technology makes it possible to gamble anywhere and anytime and the main players are laughing as people are losing hundreds on the way to work, chasing last nights losses.

We are all individuals mostly upset with ourselves, but a few have tried before made YouTube videos but any sort of view count or popularity and they stop. The gambling industry is a beast that cant be stopped by a few individuals and say anything over the line and you will be stopped, now mostly YouTube is filled with streamers promoting Gambling, and the problem/compulsive videos vanish. I like what Gamcare has done for me it has helped me, but Forums are old skool 90's media. And the main players dont mind us all here having a moan up, but if only a few started making proper videos like that Australian one on addiction and went in deep that would rustle a few feathers, went deep into addiction in the UK not from some ex footballer who was addicted but from us then see, have a good morning.

PS: Xenedra your posts help a lot of people me included. Thank You.

Hi smashed,

It inspires me to keep going when I read about others and their stories such as your self, especially your enthusiasm to forget this life and seek a better alternative.

Abstinence is easy for me at the moment as I have £1.08 in the bank. Tests come again when it's payday.

I have better days than others. But thinking of gambling still excites me and I really don't know why?! As when I'm gambling in devestated with myself?!

Keep going smashed, your doing great.

You've raised some really good points in your last post Smashed.

There's a huge imbalance of gambling / peril-of-gambling sites/videos etc. on the internet.

And as you day, these forums are good but are they enough? I can't help looking at the 'Success Stories' part of the forums. There ain't many. Nor compared to the hundreds of gambling diaries; it implies a very low success rate. (No excuse not to try and go gambling free - note to self, and other determined readers)

The patterns here are all too familiar. There's a peak at the end of a given month, as a ream of posts / new diaries lament spending all their money after payday. Then the mid-month lull, when the philosophical "I'm skint but won't gamble again" posts appear. And then the peak at month's end when it all goes all Pete Tong again ... "never again, etc."

Heck, I'm not being judgemental here - I've been here MANY times. It's just so sad to see. Time and time and time again.

And, like you, I wonder - can Gamcare, perhaps, do more, or something different? Do forums still have the same impact? Don't get me wrong, they most certainly have a place - I'm a supporter - and, of course, there's chat, phones, counselling on offer etc. but is there anything else...?

That's what I wonder.

I love the forum and I do feel connected here and I love reading others stories and knowing I'm not alone in this isolating situation...BUT...I am also guilty of feeling much more able to quit this addiction when I'm poor...pay day will come round and it will be bittersweet.

I would accept more help!!

Im not ungrateful for the forums at all, but I find it lost in a time warp a little bit, you can’t even IM on the forums. Your not allowed to mention bookmakers or online sites and the chat runs for an hour where it seems just to be there very 90’s. In the month I have been around most folk are churning out the same old set advice time and time again. Do Gamcare have specialist advisors in certain types of gambling addiction, does someone who was addicted say 10 years ago and stopped understand todays addict.
Xendera I know you played slots so say for example what did you play Wizard of Oz, Twin Spin, Starburst, Cleopatra, Jack And The Beanstalk, Raging Rhino, Super X and so on and so on, find out the games that gave you that big dopamine rush and then work from there or the 2 bonus symbol tease, explore the addiction to find the cure. Mearly just saying give your money and cards to someone else cant work for a lot of us.
If I was addicted to winning I would of never ever reversed, in my head loads of times I would say I’ll collect when I get to this figure but never ever did.
Myself personally I have figured I was addicted to the game be it Slots or Roulette, and now from the outside looking in most of them are the same game just with different graphical skins. But I was addicted to beating them or at least getting one over on them and of course at times it would reel me in and I think I had it sussed I knew it, I knew when the bonus was coming in, I knew where the ball would land I was smart I could call it, I knew the game, but the game knew when it was time to f me over. And a lot of us won’t make it to the final stage, the last boss and be lucky enough to say GAME OVER.

I had favourite slots, I like Stinking rich, raging rhino and kingdom of wealth.

But to be honest. Gambling filled my time, time when I was lonely, upset, or happy and celebrating!

Money was here or there, I can switch between playing £1 a spin to £5 depending on the game and if I got a good line win or bonus on one slot then il play that slot to death again to try and recreate that moment. Eventually I'd move on.

It's only been slots for me. No interest in roulette (don't understand how you bet to win?) slots are easy, my job and personal life is hard at times. I think that says a lot!

I remember Raging Rhino always being my first slot of choice. Raging Rhino is a very high variance game, where it can either drain your money fast or give you a massive win. I used to start with that @ 80p a spin waiting for those diamonds to land and get that big win to build up the balance. The hours flying by switching between slots, thinking d**n its 3am I really should go to sleep now. Hooked like a fish, hypnotised, addicted, a zombie clicking the mouse "I'll stop after the next bonus" "I'll stop after a win over 50x" or "I'll stop when the balance gets to this" "I'll withdraw at X" then its 6am and youve had no sleep at all, addicted to a point where you dont really care.

Getting divorced and having access to money opened the floodgates for me I had freedom I could do whatever I wanted, what did I want, to win big probably, but was it, I wanted to beat an unbeatable machine a Rhino, a 7, a diamond, a 10 a Jack a Queen. My life was crazy after my divorce and gambling was my new friend it would give me free stuff, deposit 100 and win 500 easy, free money while having fun waiting for Dorothys slippers or Glinda's bubble, what an idiot, lost in a world of make believe.

In a quest to make my life better for myself and my daughter Ive made it worse, but secretly thats how the addiction likes you to be, another one trapped, a few of us will get out but not many. I'm out but for how long, how much really do you want to quit, you have to be determined beyond belief and its very f in difficult. But another day passes and just another day is good enough for now. Everyone have a good day.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o28A_qTFIo

Gambling talking to you, about a fruit machine but relates to online too.

Hi Smashed. Your #27 post is really descriptive and emphasises not only the struggle against the power of the on-line slots, but also the need to look forward. We all know that going back to our old ways will bring further heartache and loss.

You have shown a special love for your daughter which is amazing.

The urges to gamble will continue to be a thorn in our side but we will continue to say no and get on with our lives. Just remember, if we ever got back into gambling and lost another 10k over the next 10 years.

Keep that in mind and plan to spend that 10k on holidays, family day's out and more.

Thanks changemylife, I feel lucky to be out for now. I know gambling had me, seriously had me entangled in it's web. I have a debt sentance created by it, I was sentanced to 5 years, 260 weeks, or 1825 days. A big sentance for a few clicks of a mouse, the first 10 or so days I was angry with myself, but learning about why I got so addicted, delving deeper into my head, realising I was lost in a world of make believe, I am a better person all round on this side of the fence.

Phil McQuire has a really good blog, some poweful stuff on there, worth a look.

https://poker-gambling-addiction.blogspot.co.uk/

I took this quote from his blog:

The tactics adopted by casinos that influence and encourage repetitive behaviour are clever, sophisticated and cunning. They enslave new gamblers and reinforce patterns of behaviours for existing gamblers