Don't Turn Around

Huge congratulations on the 60 days. A great achievement.

Your words on trying to look forward rather than back are somethig I am going to try and take on board.

Hi Smashed.

Thanks for posting on my diary recently and looking out for me. We started out on this journey pretty much at the same time so its great to see you achieve your 60 days GF milestone. Your last post was a great read and you are so right that we get so much more back in life other than money when we don't gamble. Keep up the great work mate.

46 and Out

I think compulsive gambling in my head was searching for something I didnt need, I already had it, but I was lost in the world of "You Need" but I wanted things I did not need. In all of us we all look for the persuit of happyness, I had enough money to live well but in the persuit of wanting more I created a finacial mess. After being married for 14 years I thought I needed to bounce straight back into another relationship and went looking for it, I didnt and went into a relationship I shouldnt of and created another mess. I think you get brainwashed into thinking you know what you want, you live a life of trying to show face when really if your happy in yourself who cares. I think about the Gambling me and realise what a fool he was looking for free cash for stuff he never needed but had convinced himself he definately needed, wanted something for nothing, which is the pull of gambling, he would even buy crisps he didnt like because it had win £10,000 on the packet. I know i'm not in the clear but if you stop gambling or any addiction come to that, I think the key to truly stopping and staying clear is to undertand yourself, question yourself as to why and how and what you wanted, and if like me a lot of the time it was for material stuff, ask yourself did you really need it. Have a good weekend everyone.

Great post Smashed, I know my gambling was primarily fuelled by greed. I've never been 'well off' and a few decent wins left me hungry for more. But unsurprisingly I'm now in debt when I should have taken a good look and been satisfied with what I had in my life. But hey the GF life is the way forward and I'm more grateful than ever for the non material things in my life. Take care S 🙂

Thank You Sharon.

I think because we live in a time where we are led to believe more is better, we should be greedy and get more cars, houses clothes, phones, food whatever it may be we need more. So we would play slot games called Road to Riches, or Millionaires Row or whatever and if we win we can get stuff too. Since stopping I've done loads of evaluating of myself, what I need and what I want, and getting off the gambling train has made me think there are other trains I need to get off and making plans for who I know and can be, if I apply the same mindset as I have for stopping gambling, right how do I get off this dead end job train. Wish me luck.

Hey Smashed you're doing great. Looking forward and leaving the gambling behind. As well as analysing various aspects of your life that you may feel can be improved upon. As you say - get out of a dead end job. We must believe that we can find an occupation that it is both rewarding and enjoyable.

Many of us lost our way and became disillusioned with life. Wanting things that we thought might make us happy. But, as it is often the case, when we get something materialistic - the novelty quickly wears off.

Keep on doing the right things and your life will continue to get better.

Thanks changemylife.

Day 67.

Yesterday was one of those days where you feel down, driving around London, heavy rain, traffic at every turn, daughter off school, 51p in the bank, grief from work. One of those days when I was fighting urges as your mind tells you *Youve f uped your life your back in London, your daughter is unhappy, your dogs unhappy, your skint, you had it all, now you've got nothing, you loser" a day where your mind would tell you gambling and alcohol will make it all better a day 2 months ago I would of agreed with it and visited the corner shop and logged in and started being lost in the pretend world with the gambling mind smirking. Thankfully I never did either but yesterday was my worse, and that was 66 days in. Trying too change career at 49 nearly Hawaii 5-0 is not easy, especially where I want to go creative media, I know what im doing but dont have the letters on a piece of paper to prove it. I will keep going though a few knock backs wont stop me. Day 66 was the hardest to date a harsh reminder that addiction is always waiting for you to slip up.

Hi Smashed fair play but hats off to you for staying strong. If we can get through the days when we think our lives are a pile of poo (I often think this) and make it to bedtime without gambling, all is good. I guess it takes time for things to adjust themselves including our brains to some kind of normality. I found up until between 100-150 days I was on a kind of emotional rollercoaster but things are definitely easier now. But you are smashing it (see what I did there?) and your down to earth and honest approach is inspiring, take care S:)

Thanks Sharon.

Day 70.

Getting from 60-70 days I would say have been the hardest so far, but I think thats because more real life problems have surfaced which allows the Gambling Mind to get closer, masking to others that you have run out of money that you cant go to that or swerve a night out or a party invite. And the funny thing is if I was still gambling I would still go out rack up more CC debt and have the " Its only money, you only life once" theory. The very same theory that lumps debt on your back, swerving bills, put off that payment, that leads to stress and having nowhere to live. A week to go until the big 5-0 and everyone wants to know what I want to do where is the big party, I just want it to pass by, a leaf in the wind. Am I getting old, grumpy, a miserable old git. Maybe. I think London is getting on my nerves too it's not got the memories that I thought it would give me when I came back, I like the fact that a lot of my good friends still live around here but I miss the peace and quiet of West Sussex. Ooops I was just rambling on there, 70 days time to head out in the crazy traffic. Have a good Sunday all.

Day 73

The problem with Gambling is when were in it and causing the destruction you are too blind too see what your doing, and day 73 is another day when another bill comes in to add to debt mountain. I havent come on here to gripe, just documenting it so I can look back and remember where this adiction has put me. It's half term I wish I could do more with my daughter but she is an amazing girl and realises were in a tight spot and is not asking for anything, we took the dog to Wimbledon Common a place I used to remember going to as a boy with my brother on our bikes and brang back some good memories and we just chatted for a good hour, it was definately one of those "The best things in life are free" moments, she has seen a lot and has always been a rock to me, anyway better get ready, have a good day everyone.

A one off hijack of the music for the day's thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-rROTA0lER4

Love the song - just another day - full of meaningful honesty. Moody, calming with deep vibes and great sax.

It really is a case of getting through each and every day. Every day can be special. Every day can be a triumph. Appreciation of the little things that matter, whilst demonstrating due diligence for the pressing issues.

Wimbledon common - brings back memories. I got a parking ticket when I was repairing a typewriter for a customer. Turns out that he was an eccentric fellow who collected all kinds of junk and artifacts; a hand-made canoe, a red telephone box, a weird puppet and some stuffed animals.

You are blessed to have a wonderful daughter and I'm sure that she will provide you with an inner strength when you need it most. Kids often are happy and content with simple pleasures such as artwork, exercise, companionship and exploring. We can think back to our own childhoods with special memories and experiences for inspiration.

Well done for fighting the battle, winning one day at a time.

Hi Smashed

I think being in recovery from this addiction we certainly appreciate the best things that are free and maybe shake our heads wondering how we let such a horrible illness consume us. Keep going the debts will reduce eventually and the corner will start to turn sharper each day you are gamble free.

Take care

Matt

Keep going Smashed, 100 days is just around the corner.

We can both celebrate 100 days with a beer!

Thanks Lads, and yep a beer at a ton sounds good breakfree.

Day 75 or 25 to go to 100, I like racking up the days and hope to be that OAP saying thats my day 5000, lets hope so anyway. I had a meeting at work, kind of like an appraisal, it's a big company now and I was there in the early days before it got sold off to a major American Corporation, in those days back in 2005 it was such a cool company to work for where you got rewarded for your talents, double time weekends, overtime double time, you even got double pay at Xmas. Fast forward to 2017 and all those benefits have gone, most of the staff from back then have flown the nest and the corporate machine has totally changed the job, and the meeting went as such, it does not matter how good you are as long as the boxes are ticked on a computer, as he was waffling on about targets and KPI's and all sorts of ridiculous spiel, all I was thinking about was "I gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing I do" to quote a song. I know in my head what I gotta do and have to go for it, as thoughts in our head will not move unless we act upon them. Getting a load of E-Mails from casinos as my birthday is coming up, but am swiping them away not reading them or remotely tempted by any free gifts. It is not easy but chasing your future definately quells gambling thoughts.

One last music Hijak(sorry Steven)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzzEFSc28OY

You got a dream. You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period.

Well done on 75 days, great achievement.

re your comment about emails around your birthday, i really find any email about casion/gambling an unpleasant experience to receive. I seem to have cut them off at the moment as most of the unsolicited ones (I am probably on some sort of mugs register for gamblers) seem to go through to my spam account which I empty without reading every couple of days and I unsubscribed to the emails from the online casinos I had been using although I would have hoped self excluding would have stopped the emails as well. I have agreed with wife that if I do receive any emails from them that she will deal with unsubscribing for me as I just refuse to have any interaction with them, not because I am worried it will cause me to gamble but because their sites, logos, names just make me feel ill. Just writing this and thinking about it makes my stomach churn over.

Anyway, sorry to have hijacked your diary, well done again and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Muststop123