Hour 1.
Shoot, how/ why the f**k do I do this too myself?? My shoulders are slumped and my spirits detached as yet again I give in to my addictive nature. Will I never get it?
Sad....
Hi V,
d**n man..really hate to see you like that. Pinged ya an email but also wanted to come by and remind ya that we are listening..keep talking.
We are soldiers which never gives up giving up. Stand tall my friend, let's give it another go, you can do it!
S xx
Paul
Fella your never far from my thoughts, you had a profound effect upon my own journey,for it I will for ever be indebted to you.
We said we would one day share a bench, enjoy life for what we make it.
Gift yourself abstinence again my friend, because life is richer for it.
With strength and honour
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Thanks Duncs and Sandra, your support is greatly appreciated..
Day 3
Need these diarys as i take my 1st step back.
Still very raw and been binging these past 6 months. No thoughts
A weak strength and honor...
Stay close by V...you are never on your own my friend. There is no 1 in a team, we can all do it together and we will!!!
Keep posting and stay safe
S x
Ty as always Sandra.
Day 2.
Another weekend, another weeks wage wasted! Absolutely ludicrous, now back to work with my head very much clouded with the insanity I find my self in.....again!!
The addiction feeding on the emptiness I feel. Yet, I don't feel the rock bottom I felt 4 odd years ago when I came to these diary. Now that's what scares me.
I know the drill, I also know what type of person I am when I'm not in ' action ', yet this vicious circle of weekend inferno rages on.
Need this to be my spring board and start living again and find away to like me..
paul
fella without doubt the re entry into becoming completely absorbed into gambling finds it's way easily back into our lives,for twenty years i lived the cycle,f**k at one point i compromised my career to take a weekly paid job,why? so the monthly episodes became weekly ones,oh and add one massive monthly blow out when the wife's salary hit the bank.
the work week started with angry duncs,angry at the world for the terrible injustice it bestowed upon him,the losses everyone but his fault.
'rock bottom' for me came hard,i did not see it refused to,denied it because addiction had become my only reason for existing.
my dear friend my advice simple,two words 'self exculsion' get those passport photo's done and self exclude,dont be ashamed use it to power yourself into the doors of recovery.
those doors revolve,it really does'nt matter how many times you go in and out of them it's mentally what you learn each time you do.
I figure for the last two years of my gambling life financially i would have been richer if i had locked the door and not left home,i did not realistically earn a penny,the bookies took all my salary and the loans i gain in the majority,crazilly for me all fed into a machine with a monkey as the possible jackpot!!!
fella your horse sit's here waiting for you to get back in the saddle,it will always be there,too boot it is far more loyal than addiction,it won't f**k off to the deepest reccess in your mind in times when it can't be fed,it just sits unconditionally ready to gift you.
it for me never stops giving.
the first day you admitted your gambling was beyond your control you gifted yourself that,remember that,it will serve you well.
abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
Good man Duncan, appreciate the support. Reading and listening.
Day 3 and shoot do i need to build some days up. Back to reading heaps but mind very much clouded with any new thoughts not making it past my ears. Bluffing my way through work and truthfully a bit of a passenger of late, so something else i need to address.
Its weekends i need to break the cycle on, so Duncs your right self exclusion i need whilst i get use to my new alien weekend territory. Struggling with giving a f**k about myself or surroundings with my chaotic clouded mind representing both.
Onwards
Slowly slowly catchy monkey 🙂
Welcome back on recovery road..little tiny steps forward my friend, you are doing it.
S x
Bump...
keep posting man, keep gifting yourself freedom you sooo deserve.
Rooting for you
Sandra x
Your a good un Sandra.....
Day 5. Listless and no energy for today......
Lots of peeps returning to these diarys, made me think of this previous post copied from another forum,,,,
When you look through the stories here you will see a lot of success.
It's NO coincidence that those who are successful CONTINUE to use the support they have here,
It's NO coincidence that those who are successful listen to, and act on, the advice that is given
It's NO coincidence that those who are successful are honest with their husbands/wives/partners
It's NO coincidence that those who are successful often use, and continue to use other forms of support, attend GA meetings etc
Its NO coincidence that those who are successful are prepared to take tough steps to help themselves
Unfortunately it's also NO coincidence that peolpe who stop using the forum often return in deeper trouble than they were to start with
That those who struggle aren't prepared to be honest with husbands/wives/partners
That they don't act on advice
That they give reasons/excuses why they can't do something
That even though what they are doing isn't working they aren't prepared to try GA or other forms of support
That they aren't prepared to take some of the tougher steps required to deal with a tough addiction.
I don't believe in coincidences, nor should you.
If you are struggling then look at what is working for someone else - it's working for a reason and it isn't a coincidence.
If you are doing well and think you don't need support anymore? Look at the people who have previously thought that and return here on an almost daily basis - that isn't a coincidence either
Hence theres no coincidence in life!!!!
Great post V,
Take care and stay safe.
Suzanne xx
TY again Sandra and Dragonfly that did plant a wide one on this tired mug, only use too be able to count to yan!!.
Day Pimp and counting...
Urges batted away yesterday, weekend approaching and the shield of vigilance by my side...
Tired and miss my bed.
Hi V,
Keep battling those urges and stay safe. Never on your own dear soldier, we are rooting for you.
Every day counts, and you're doing more than well. If you're not proud of yourself yet, - i f****n am!!!!! 🙂 🙂
Very very much so proud of you. Keep it up!
Tigger 😀 xx
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