Dormant

Yeah I too have trouble expressing myself at times , when I read things back I think I really didn't mean it to sound like that ! Just off to work now , so cheers Paul and catch up with you again soon ! Take care mate !

Smiles, home sweet home and choices.

No thoughts of gambling, which truthfully doesn't surprise me.

Still a little reflective from dentist visit yesterday. Had a odd experience when I 1st walked in, waiting behind a big fella at reception. Noticed his voice changing from adolescence to deep mid sentence, have heard this before with quite an extreme addict animal of a friend and also by self. The scared inner child.

I have been very busy this past 2/3 months and the dentist has been one of them. A life time of smoking, but still have a smile which I rarely flash. Am 75% through a dentist plan and had the audacity to question the wanna be alpha male dentist ( im questioning everything lately ). He gave me the answer and it was only after a back tooth yanked it dawned on me that his logic was to make it easier for him, not for me. Trying to shift the P**s.ed I feel as i looked into his eyes as he waved me off and smugly said no smoking for 2/3 days. I wonder what his hidden addiction is?

This obviously bought me to smiles. I have a new niece, adopted as a 1 year old and she smiles with her eyes. I've seen this in adults before and what a great quality to possess. Hope she keeps as she spreads her smile to her new orbit.

I've done well in the last 18 months. Keeping a London rented flat, a Kent mortgage, a loan and a hefty tax bill I pay monthly. But its just not enough! Is that me not being happy with my lot or just plainly lost. I've been fortunate to off travelled and lived in far flung places on this planet but as a airforce sibling I've been travelling my entire life time and no nearer to home sweet home than I ever was. I do have a resemblance of a 18 month plan; but staying in the present isn't easy and truthfully I don't know where the home is going to be. Maybe a boat....

Choices, I have managed to keep myself a float up untill Monday with all my bills but now that's run out. I can earn well, but for the 1st time anxiety has sneaked in on the job search. I have swallowed my pride and spoke to 75 year young folks. So another thing to be greatfull for...

Quite irrelevant thoughts really, but for today there keeping me off dry land....

Painted one wall but never prepped it well, so the odd blister.

2/10 day and promised a phone call tonight.....

Woe me

Random thought.

Today I'm polishing the t**d rather than dealing with it...

You loony you lol, :)) but I do like you:))

Keep polishing my friend and I will keep cleaning windows, it's the sure way to keep going forwards.

Suzanne xxx

Paul , you can't polish a t**d but you can roll it in glitter ?

Paul - I just spent rather a long time writing a personal post, and since posting, just noticed yours. I'm very touched and will be back - to be continued. Unfortunately simultaneously as I got your post, Alan alerted me to the fact I might've dived in a bit with him.

It's all gone a bit overload and it's getting late so I'm getting out for tonight but will be back.

Cheers

Louis

Never got the job. A little bit spewing as I turned down a definite start. Oh well!! Still things bubbling, just a bit slower and don't like getting my smarts on.

Balance
Anyway off the beaten rambling track. One of my best pals is a Hungarian chap, a very smart kiddy who I met through work 6 years back. He's got a young perfect circle family but we meet at least once a week for a beer or a coffee. He loves looking into his language from the day dot and has interesting concepts. A well read, conspirasist chap.

One of his theories which I love really, is that we are all but Energy. And the only thing remotely real about us is our soul and our mind. His theory, which I'm not very good at is that we are all one and our own energies just whizz round the universe. So if you imagine a energy circle line, which has a break in it, it eventually reconnects. This break is our negative energy ie addictions. So the moral there is everything balances out, you may have a negative energy line ( gambling ) for 30 years but sooner or later it connects back to the positive energy......

And your probably going to think that's bs. But what you'll think is complete bs, is when he showed me a xmas photo with a Angel in it after an unexpected ' wrong time ' death in his family.

Funny enough our convo's are always light humoured, just sometimes he goes into interesting tangents, such as another one our time line changing on our palms when we seek positive change and climb the ladder on a snakes and ladder board.

Now bed for me as I dream about angels....

The revenant

Well if you don't get it yet I've got no effing chance then have I ?

To put a positive on that , at least I'm not alone !

Just watching the last leg on Ch 4, funny as hell , to cheer me up after my ranty whinge day !

Cheers Paul !

Hi Paul

Yeah so thanks for telling me a bit more about yourself. Very interesting and there are a lot of similarities.

You’ve picked up quite a few key things about me. I’m actually from Edinburgh, although left aged 18, went to uni in Leeds where I stayed for ages. Only a brief stint in Hull before coming to London a few years ago.

London has its plus points but it pi$ses me off for the usual reasons. There’s too many f****n people here and I will never be able to buy a house worth living in – that’ll do for now.

I think you’re right to caution about getting stuck in London. The problem is the job opportunities are so bloody good compared to elsewhere. I’ve just been offered a very good job – it’s maternity for a year. It’s offered ‘with a view to permanent’ – but part of me doesn’t want it to go permanent as that will make my decision to leave easier. My girlfriend’s giving birth in June and I really don’t want to get stuck in London.

I’m not sure about going to GA (not necessarily ruling out) – going for a pint seems immediately more appealing. We can always b***h about London if nothing else.

I’ve actually responded to another post of yours, on my diary, as I didn’t want to clog up yours. Thanks for your questions – sorry it’s all been one way traffic but I’m at work so really should do something.

Cheers

Louis

Thanks for your words of wisdom. Yes, I guess I qualify as one of the sensitive ones. Gave me a bit of a jolt though as I haven't felt that kind of anxiety in quite a while. Should probably offload it on my diary.

I wonder if you were the cause of the barney that I'd witnessed way back when? No matter.

Sorry to hear about the job. On the plus side it gives you a bit more time with birds. And no, I didn't feed them. This whole 30 lark has banned multi grain so there's nothing in the house for them 🙂 Off on a tangent, but I'm reminded of a walk we did not long ago when we walked past a shoot. I'd never seen one in action. They had people flushing the birds out...to be shot by some tweed capped ar.se. I'm no sandal wearing, veggie eating alternative but to see witness it was awful. I thought my friend was going to stage an intervention. I think she would have if they weren't armed. Anyway, rambling again!

Couldn't get my head around your Hungarian friend's theory. I get that we're all just energy, a mass of molecules, but after that I was lost! Was reading an article about the ancient stoics earlier so maybe I've just overloaded this noggin for now.

Keep well x

Louis, im with you on the pint thing and the GA and London is a good topic. I'll come back to you via gamcare.

Another thought to add to the positive/ negative energy thing.

At present im sat in a Witherspoons. I love my coffee but only have 1 a day now, it balances my metabolism! I'm being frugal of late and this morning headed to supermarket, then realised for £4 or so I can have a coffee and brekky, no brainer.

The Spooners are a great place to people watch but also a sad place to people watch. Lots of negative energy all in the 1 place whizzing around the room eventually has a negative impact if your not careful.

So the upshot is be around people you want to reflect, ie more positive energy circles. Sure people would think a no brainer but it's not when your gripped in addictions.

The circle of negative/ positive energy. Soooooo very true.

The Revenant.

Now another wall to paint..

Randomish thought.

Letting go of the old emotions to make way for the every day S****e.

Hi V , I've got 3 positions vacant Shop assistant , Bouncer , or Mediator on here ? and you do seem good at the last one ? LOL !

Right back at you Al.

Disclaimer.....

I've just learnt after a lifetime, that yeast poisons the birds. ....... Shoot, more guilt to process

LOL ! As the shop work would involve a bit of food prep , there may be Health and safety issues ! Have you thought of juggling or an inspector gadget impersonator for kids parties ? I know where your coming from Paul so no disrespect just banter buddy !