Dormant

I think you may be right, LB the true genius........Drum rollllllllll

Disclaimer - Its better to ramble than gamble and today has been +1.

Hi V, it sure is better to ramble and post:) than gamble,

Keep strong and keep safe

Suzanne xxx

The naughty side of me wants to turn 96 to 69 and nudge the conversation towards s*x and rock and roll. Jx

Paul

Funnily enough I dusted the old girl off the other day. Bought some much needed strings but need a couple of pegs that i forgot about. Will have to wait until the weekend before I can bring her back to life. Although I am more this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PabxhKTkE0U then steve jones and co at the moment.

Paul , I spend more bleeding time going around this place and clicking on the youtube links you keep putting up ! LOL !

Just watched the one you sent to glint on laughter therapy and thought I should have done the argument laughter on here last week , worth a go ? LOL !

Take care buddy !

Have done all my job fishing this morning as i beat my chest and roar. 1 definite interview this Friday, 2 in the pipeline and the city starting to wake up again. So, still fingers crossed, something this week...

Still keep myself very busy and in process of big london clean up today after messy flat mate. I do tend to use gamcare to keep me in the present and i appreciate some of my posts are b.s really but does keep me out of trouble. So, apologies if some dont make sense.

I've noticed in my posts that in the space of a paragraph i can go from 'me' to someone as the 3rd party. So, i'm guessing from that, i'm still in a element of denial. Progress, none the less in my quest of sel awareness.

I do have a busy calender year in meeting old aquaintences, so all good there. I also have a idea to sell to one of my favourite old companys. So, slowly trying to arrange a drink with an old director friend. But on the dry for the rest of Feb, after my weekend with pop's.

So, all ok in my world....

Sorry mate just posted to you on mine !

"An emotional journey in reality ". " How I became the bomb". Check it out on YouTube music !

Sorry mate crossed wires I think it's a music video called how I became the bomb ! Sorry I wondered why you'd mentioned meditation ! Not really my thing either !

Just posted on mine again , sorry !

Thanks for your post. Not sure whether they're negative or positive but I definitelty feel like I'm going round in circles sometimes! You may be right...or maybe not...I'm letting your ideas filter through.

I think I'm probably done digging. I feel like I've explored every nook and cranny and now it's about pulling it all together. I was fortunate (didin't feel like it at the time) about 5 years ago to get some really good therapy. I'd been to bereavement counselling, which helped scratch the surface, but she felt that I needed more and sent me off to my GP. I honestly think it was only because we had private health cover that I got the referral, as although I probably was depressed it wasn't really severe enough to get the input that I received. No matter. I ended up at a psychiatric hospital on what I can only really describe as an intensive therapy course. Most people there were inpatients being treated for suicide, self harm, addiction, severe depression. Myself and a few others were allowed to attend as day patients. I went every day for about 6 weeks. It was a mixture of one to one therapy, group sessions, an optional 12 step type daily meeting, mediatation and basket weaving (not really!). Most importantly, it was daily lectures covering all about mental health and illness. The thinking was to really teach you to help yourself and a thorough understanding of how and why we had all got there was a big part of it. I learnt about transactional analysis, psychodynamic therapy, CBT, anger, grief, abuse,distorted thinking styles, mindfulness. You name it, we covered it. I'm fairly sure I could have passed a psychology degree at the end of it. Anyway, through that I learnt a huge amount about how I ticked. Over the last few years that knowledge has continued to work it's way into my being. Joining this forum and kicking gambling feels like it's the final part of that process. Every so often something will spark a bit more momentum in me and I'll go back and work through some of what I uncovered then. I really feel like I'm getting it now, it just feels like I've got to tie all these loose ends together. And once I've tied them all together in a neat little bow I can exhale and breathe again.

Wow, that was a lot. Sorry, I think I just went off on a tangent! I probably should have put that on my diary but I'm not retyping it all again now 🙂

Thanks for thinking of me and taking the time to post.

LB x

LoL! Yeah , saw where you were going with that one , trying to get me to post on my own diary again egh ? Nearly worked too ! More grey than blonde though mate !

I hope your fingers aren't aching from all that typing!Thanks for doing that for me.

Meant to say earlier... I didn't feed the birds (still no multi grain) but we did have an albino squirrel in the garden this morning, helping himself to the fat balls 🙂

LB x

Thank you for my lovely runner's up prize 🙂 Obviously, being so young, I have never watched Bill & Ben & have absolutely no idea who Parsley the Lion is 😉

Bah, trust you to go all sensible on me! It's not that I didn't agree with her...I absolutely didn't deserve one, it's just the injustice of it all (wail - grumpy face)!

I could gamble today... I'll chose not to. Then, i think theres many things i chose not to, but i do anyway.

Thats where my head is and thats where it slipped to these past 24hrs. Starting to get the S****e thoughts of blaming again. My head is no longer compartmentalized from last week. The clouds are very cloudy.

It could be the pain killers for my toothache?

It could be still having no job as yet, and me asking why?

It could be the end of my weekly cycle, therapist tonight. Have i dug to quick?

It could be because i dont sleep.

It could be because i'm around denial, or am i still in denial?

It could be that i'm spending too much time in cyber space..

It could even be the weather...

It could be because i'm lost and sometimes lonely.

It could be because i'm looking back and dont see a future. Have lost the present.

Or it could be All, and i'm just pi.ssed of.

The testosterone has evaporated, the roars have disappeared and i'm wanting to escape and be invisible.

Whimpering off.........