down right stupid and can't stop

Thanks tt
I have found peace. I found it in GA. Somewhere i was accepted & felt i belonged. It gave me a 12 step program on how to work through my issues & to learn to forgive & accept myself

Dan x

All the GA literature is free to download from there site. How far is it to your nearest GA meeting? If you could manage to get to one you may find somebody from your area willing to give you a lift or share travel costs

Dan x

the closest ga meeting is an hour away ill look up and download material forever googling different sources of help can't believe I didn't see that I've never read so much in my life as the last few months more so in the last few days but all help in recovering to recover x

An hour doesnt seem too much of a journey for a better chance of peace. We have @ our group people travelling distances much further. If you are in the mood check out speeches by Gabor Mate on youtube the ma s a genius when it comes to addiction
Dan x

Hey just been onto download and read the contents but once downloaded it says can't open file do you think this is just because I'm on my phone only comps in house are my son's x

Thanks the problem with journey is I have three children and a partner that isn't very supportive in having them for this reason as he believes it's not an addiction but choice so please don't think I don't want it enough just circumstance prevail me being away from home longer than I'm at work all day x

Yes its not android compatable i think. Something that needs sorting & hopefully will. Ask on the forum there if this is the case

Thanks again for the advice I will look into that and thanks for the gabor mate hint ill look it up later my partner disagrees with the counciling I already go to hence going out for three hours another evening after being at work all day wouldn't go down well
thanks for all your help it's appreciated x,

Hey congratulations on reaching say 2!! I'm sorry that your partner isn't a bit more understanding so you could attend GA meeting. They do, do one online I think on their website. Perhaps try that? Have a happy gamble free day x

Thanks peanut glad u logged into day hope your feeling a little better than yesterday, just signed up to ga so gonna see what's on offer and use it to help that's cracking if they do that I'll look into it thanks moods very reflective and if not a little down maybe going over the past above hasn't helped
hope your well x

Blueugh for parents who gamble 🙁 I absolutely get your relationship with your mum now (I followed mine onto machines to spend time with her & I remember getting a fiver in a glass mug one morning after a major win) & if she's anything like mine, nothing you give her, unless it is money to gamble, will be well received! I know she's my mum & I'd be lost without her (despite all the times I've threatened to disown her over gambling) but apart from genuine delight @ hearing I was getting married & general amusement that I am so excited about it, nothing makes her happy 🙁

You don't want this pain for your boys which is how you found your strength to get into recovery before, dig deep, it's still there! Gambling doesn't really let you escape it just numbs your senses for a while! You have had a very tough run & are now trying to deal with this on top of the frustrations your current OH is delivering (not feeling quite so charitable towards him now admittedly) so if your Dad can't offer you the strength you need to help, you will need to find it here between these pages because here it is a plenty!

Well done on Day 2! Great to see you working so hard 🙂 You can do this - ODAAT

Thanks oddat your continued support overwhelms me, I didnt realise how much I'd been blotting out since getting the above out I am in a trance like daydream ..... flashbacks
I have always told myself I would not be my mother..above all else I would not be like her . and in most ways I pride myself on how I'm not my cupboards are always full strange how I will always do a shop,(my friends used to say I was obsessed and that the cupboards will break haha) pay the rent etc before gambling maybe why I didn't quite believe I had a problem, me and my eldest have a wonderful open frank relationship he's 15 bright genius geek he is we talks about all and nothing I vowed I would always make sure they always new nothing was more important than them and that I would always be here to turn to no matter hes like i said a bright lad understands how people change through drink drugs (his dad) and vowed never to touch these was only in November I sat my eldest down and explained my addiction I hate that he's been through so much already but if he can make a better life for himself knowing my flaws his fathers flaws then so be it I always want them all to know no body's perfect but we can battle through it, and that if you keep trying one day anything is possible, I pride myself on my boys which is why finally instead of blotting everything out I've decided I must live it (no matter how painful) deal with it and then put it to bed so to say my armour has always been to apply my make up put the biggest smile on my face and plod on hiding now it's time to face reality do as I tell my children and face things head on although I don't think I can speak openly to my family about the past right now I can work through this in my head on here with my counsellor. ....
I feel like I'm writing a pity entry and im sorry for taking up people's time I'm hoping one day soon my entries will be more inspiring and positive
for now ill say it's day two and my goal is to be better tomorrow than I am today and thankful for all of which I'm blessed with x

I loved your poem...Wayne will be sooo pleased too 🙂

Please don't apologise for what you write (it doesn't read like a pity post), this is your diary so you write whatever & whenever you want (just remember to disguise the naughty words)! This is an outlet for you which you need more than most with your current situation & it's all very raw still! I don't have my diary to hand but I'm pretty sure right about this time, I was glued to my bed terrified of getting up to face my recovery! Now I am here, I only fear resetting my counter but I know now that that is in my hands & just for today, I choose 'No' - ODAAT

Again thank you oddat your reassurrace and support is so helpful and welcomed I can't thank you enough, I forgot how much I used too write poems etc and how much I enjoyed it,
End of day TWO :0) gamble free spending still as much time on my phone but laid up not working plenty of time but I'm ON HERE rather than playing the slots,:0) I got the boys to come sit with me for a while earlier had abit of cuddle time, made me think about how I haven't been as I was with them spending to much time clutching at my phone and not giving them my full attention this is something I am going too rectify as soon as I am up and fit putting all of my time back into them!! To remember I am not alone as I have three wonderful boys whom are always there I got to thinking maybe the strict routine I had when I was on my own and in recovery, taking back that control is a good place to start and being busy is always a bonus ,
On that note goodnight all x

Day 3..... only a quick short post just wanted too check in and remind myself that not all is lost as yet .....dark dreams took place last night and I am determined I am getting out of bed today no matter what my back says I'm sure I can do some light cleaning and prepare tea if nothing else, hope you all have a peaceful minded day!! today will be a gamble free day x