Easy does it!

Hiya Smiler,

Good on you! And you never know you may have just helped someone else at the same time 🙂 Have a lovely weekend.

Hugs Del xo

Today I feel an overwhelming sense of freedom. It comes and goes but not to be shackled with guilt and remorse coupled with no obsession is truly fantastic. I am concentrating on living in the here and now instead of millions of miles away in my own world. Some things have bothered me of late but I have let it go. It isn't my problem and doesn't concern me. It's gone.

Hope this freedom feeling hangs around for the foreseeable future!

Take care

Smiler

What a great 600 post.

Good for you !!!

Long may it continue

Dusty x

yes....echo Shiney here....good on ya...wisdom to know and all....know that feeling..can drive you nuts but you did the right thing ..take care Smiler ..Rach xx

smiler.

Fella your post on dustys diary says so much,about my own life in so few words it is uncanny.I have a feeling there are many many others nodding too. I was a mess,a complete mess after the programme on bbc3,i watched it on the iplayer in the library and the tears flowed,i cant remember the last time i cried honest tears but i did.There are many emotions i have been through since,i have not spoken to my father for 14 years,i did about 3 months ago hastely leave the bookies i was in as he walked in,and running i know is what i have done too much of.dont want any more hurt,I have 3 kids and spent friday night going over and over the fact that have i made more compulsive gamblers.I have watched the docu again with my wife and we together are going to address the issues i have,try to use them to help in my recovery.I dont feel so alone i know i have a choice and will no longer run the wrong way,just forward.

again thanks all be it indirectly for sharing and helping me to stay strong in quest to live gamble free.

duncs.

Thank you for your post, once again it amazes me how in tune we both are.

Thinking about what you wrote, can relate what you said about your dad to my mum

But even with the disappointment as to how she parented me, she showed me how not to do it

I refuse to be the parent she was I listen to my girls, I encourage them to be confident young women. I never put them down , or devalue there achievements.

So what did my mother give me , a opportunity to break the circle. Of behaviour we learn from our parents as to how to be parents, this will then have an impact on my grand children and great grand children. Because my girls will I hope have learnt some positive behaviours from me.

I believe from your posts that you are doing the same with your children. For that we deserve a pat on the back , it is not easy to break that circle and our rewards will come, as we see the next generations live there lives

Take Care my friend

Dusty

As long as you keep making the right choices, this freedom thing is there for you!

GT

Hi DF

I have one daughter and she means the world to me. I don't ever want her to see her dad drunk or scratching around for a few quid to gamble. The strange thing is I have 2 brothers who have made a complete mess of their relationships with their respective partners and their children, of which some have been through the prison system at young ages. My mother will say "Your father wasn't that bad". Denial of the highest degree. Uncannily, today, I still want some sort of recognition and it ain't going to happen. Time to move on in my life the best way I can. Gambling was a substitute father I believe.

Just a point here I was very clever at school and deemed a gifted child. I left school at 14 because I felt useless and worthless and just dropped out. I have wasted much of my life but this is where I am today and this is a good starting point. My freedom from the clutches of addiction is a start and I don't obsess about things. Long may it last. Mnay thanks for replies on here. i hit a bit of a spot where I wasn't getting anything from the forum. No ones fault just me. Hopefully my passion will return for helping new people try and understand how this addiction can be arrested. Take care

Hi Smiler.. I think its only natural for ones passion for reading, writing and replying ebbs and flows. I use to make pronouncements about leaving the forum or stopping writing.. only to return a short time later. Nowadays I pick my diary up or put it down and let it gather dust as my mood and perhaps more importantly my recovery suits. I rather think that i will stay connected with these recovery diaries for so long as they and I continue to exist.

Great to hear that you remain gambling free and that your self-awareness about your past puts flesh onto the bones of recovery. Not quite the right metaphor perhaps but all i could think of in the moment.. 🙂 Thanks for your support as always... S.A

Hi Smiler, thanks for your post, I take on board what you have said. I am excluded from all the arcades in the town where I live but yesterday I went to visit a friend in another town where I am not excluded, the trouble is these days gambling seems to be in your face everywhere, internet, adverts, tv, pretend slots on facebook etc., seems to be the age we live in and if you are that way inclined it does seem to rather put temptation in your way.

Thanks again, have a good day.

I have wasted so much time with gambling but not anymore. I now choose to move forward leaps and bounds. I think about life today and the obsession has gone. Not completely but it has gone. I have taken away opportunites by self excluding. I have just been listening and reminiscing on youtube. All the old songs that I grew up with. And I have come to te conclusion life ain't that bad after all. Have a good one and take care!!

Morning,

I firstly agree that it not a race sure and steady progress is the key to sustaining this .

I think we are neck and neck myself but hay what does it really matter.

In my option you have taken a great leap forward in recent months and by doing so have not only found some inner peace but also by sharing your thoughts are encouraging the likes of myself to find the same.

When I was in recovery last time, as I have stated before so sorry to repeat myself , it was a recovery of a victim. A recovery full of resentment because I could not drink or gamble.Walking around with a big chip on my shoulder , poor old me I am not able to have fun like the rest world because I am a not capable of being normal.

Well sod that! Today like you said I am not a recovering CG or alcoholic . I am a non gambler and today I choose not to drink

I like not being a victim, I like not feeling that I am not inferior to the rest of the human race.

From here we can only excell because we have not unlocked the chains that were binding us, we have ripped them off , put them in a box and posted them one way to tim buck two.

Have a great weekend, I know I will

Dusty

Hi, You made a statement, Smiler, and I'm not sure if it was in another person's diary or in yours (I've been reading so many posts and gone back and forth so much) but you said "I'm not a recovering alcoholic. I'm a non-drinker". That statement resonates with me and so does what Dusty Fairy said in the previous post. I think part of my own resistance/denial to admitting I have a problem (or rather a few addictions) stemmed from the thought that I'd have to believe "once an addict, always an addict". Maybe I don't understand the mentality behind that fully. I suppose it's meant to prevent addicts from becoming complacent about an addiction but I find it a discouraging statement. And I think of my brother who struggled with alcoholism (or maybe still struggles as he continues to attend AA meetings) and he didn't have a single drop of alcohol for about 25 years. About 5 years ago he decided to have a couple of beers just to prove to himself that he could do it. He did manage to leave it at that for the most part. I have seen him take some liqueur in his coffee twice since then and unless there's more to it that he doesn't let me see, he seems to have things well under control. I know that I can't gamble at all right now as I have no control and hopefully, I will never go back to the roller coaster life (which I haven't exactly left yet but I think I'm starting to get serious) and I see the danger in becoming complacent but I find it more encouraging to try to believe that I can be a non-gambler as opposed to an addict for life. Anyway, thanks for sharing your diary. Sending blessings your way.

Hiya Smiler,

Thanks for the message...and guess what...I'm just thinking about pink elephants instead! :-)... if I ever write a book that will be the title lol

Great last post...I've been listening to a lot of music on youtube also....find it very beneficial in that... when looking at the past I have to look and remember the good stuff too....balances the soul 🙂

Hope your well.

Hugs Del xox

Still working hard and read as much on here as I can. Sometimes feel compelled to post but other times take a back seat. I see lots of new enthusiasm here and that is a good thing (in an odd way). I do hope everyone gets a good length of recovery going before they think about going back to gambling. Just give yourself a chance and the mist will clear. It takes time but is worth it in the end. Take care