Easy does it!

Smiler

Very well put, for me the honesty I have today with my wife, yes at times uncomfortable and painful but without doubt it is why we are still married.

If I had continued to lie, without doubt it would have destroyed all I proclaim to hold dear.

Regards self exclusion, foolishly I did not fully exclude until my after my three hours of madness back in october, but the therapy I gained from it was outstanding and it really did shut the door.

For that I learnt a great lesson and believe I really did let go.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Had a strange thought today! In the last year we have moved to a bigger house etc! I was going past our old house and thought I could not really recall living there and did we really live there. I also feel the same about my gambling episodes! Did I really go in and lose large amounts of cash until I felt sick and backed into a corner. Not sure why I thought of this but I thought I would share it anyway. Very surreal experience and a realisation that we can, if we want to, get out of this cycle of self harm.

Take care

Wonderful night out with family tonight at Moscow Circus! Total cost £60 or so. In days gone by I would have resented that money and stuck it in a FOBT in no time. How times have changed. No gambling is definately the way forward for this recovering addict. Take care

Hi Smiler... good to see you back and posting. Like you I can go for long periods of time not troubled by gambling thoughts but then they start to sneak in the back door so to speak. You came back, reading and writing and now they have gone again. This place works

Glad you enjoyed the Circus and did not resent money spent. regards... S.A 🙂

I still feel a little uncomfortable with cash on me as it was always gambling funds. So I tend to bank it if I can as I always recognised when I was setting myself up to gamble. I am still wary but with solid blocks in place I am onto a winner. Not sure why I carry quite a bit of cash on me but something I'll get sorted. Not talking thousands though! Maybe an insecurity or something just need to keep an eye!

As a compulsive gambler when I first started recovery I wanted it here and now. When it never happened I stumbled "miraculously" back into gambling where I felt "comfortable". Once I realised recovery is a life long process that has no end I started to accept that it wasn't about gaining something but work towards it instead. Recovery is a way of life but doesn't have to be complicated. Work at it on daily basis but don't get carried away with being or having the perfect recovery. Just accept what is in front of you and deal with it. At first it is tricky as we have the fallout of all the troubles and woes we accumalated in our gambling lives. Once we accept that the debts and problems are part of our lives we are ready to move forward!

Take care

Smiler

Fella you said it all in that post, it is about accepting ourselves and working with what we have, not what we think we need.

Progress not perfection is a saying I have read a good few times, that i believe true.

thanks for sharing

Duncs stepping forward never back.

With a young lad today who I know has a compulsive gambling habit. He even asked me to stop off at a bookies so he could place a bet for tonight. I obliged but waited outside and told him I'm barred from there so I can't go in. He never knew if I was joking or not but I waited in the car. Apparently he won some many yesterday and has several bets running on tonights game but felt he wanted to cover another angle. Looking at this as a non gambler I just see it as madness and cannot comprehend what he is doing. It just shows you how times change if we abstain from this addiction for a length of time, for if this was a few years ago I would be doing the exact same thing with not a care in the world. I could feel his pain as he was relaying what he went through as the results came in saturday night. Hopefully he'll find peace of mind one day!

Take care

The new people that come to this forum are, in my opinion, the most important people we could have here. It reminds me of how it used to be with the raw pain of just coming off a binge. It is important that we nurture these people and show them there is a way out of the spiralling destruction they are in. Remember the door revolves and this is a warning to anyone that gets complacent in their recovery. So let's start looking out for new members and welcome them into their new life for as long as they want it!

I come on this forum for me! I try to help others by reading and writing in their diaries but first and foremost this recovery is mine. The most important people here are new people, as mentioned before. They give it to us straight about how their lives have become unmanageable because of the destruction. Read the first few posts of your own diary and try to remember how it was. I remember mine and boy was I angry! Angry with everyone on this forum angry with Gamcare because they couldn't give me the answers I wanted. Over time I have learned that recovery needs to be nurtured and matured. It didn't happen over night for me. If you are new please take your time and it will come to you. By nature as a compulsive person we want instant gratification. However in this instance it doesn't happen but it will given time!

Thank you for the wise words smiler. You are right, we do want instant gratification, instant healing, etc...as we always wanted instant winnings, an instant easy life, otherwise if we had the pacience to wait, save, etc we wouldn't be here.

Thank you again

Another day down and a gamble free day at that. Although I don't count or think about it today. There are times when I go past old haunts and my stomach churns when I think how much cash I have wasted in the place. However, I believe, that whatever has happened in our pasts we can grow from the experiences and be a better person. I am not a saint by a long way but I try to do my best on a daily basis and keep myself right. Gambling really distorted my thinking for many a year and I had to change jobs because of it. I used to blame the job at first but my obsession with gambling was so strong I could not concentrate on anything other than gambling. I contacted GC and received some counselling of which, at the time, I thought was a waste of time. However I opened my mind to it and worked through my thoughts etc and here I am in a very good space. Life in recovery is not all plain sailing but without the whirring of gambling running in the back of my mind I have a chance today!

Take care

Another Saturday passes by without any gambling thoughts or urges. The urges have long gone to be truthful but the thoughts still stick around in the back of my mind. Lying in bed this morning I heard a tip for a horse and immediately thought I'll have a look at that. Then I realised I am a non gambler. Old habits die hard! Just went about my daily business and enjoyed my day for what it was. I look for quality in recovery but it isn't all singing and dancing, sometimes it is horrid. But the horrid is do-able if I don't gamble and keep focused.

Take care

Couldn't get to work today for one reason or another and off in morning too. Spent all day keeping busy but now a little fed up and feeling sorry for myself. This is when I would be champing at the bit to gamble but not today thank you very much. There just seems to be a void that I need to fill and gambling was my closest friend for years! Now I fly alone and get on with it. Just riding it out with the aid of self exclusion as I just had to pick my daughter up from the town which has 3 bookies (excluded from all three). I'll get myself busy and it will go as I am in no real danger but just highlighting to myself that the addiction is still alive within my addictive mind.

Take care

I post and post and post as much as I can on here and first and foremost it keeps me away from gambling. I do not preach to people on how it should be done I just give suggestions. Writing thoughts and feelings keeps me strong in recovery. Somehow it untangles all the complicated thoughts and separates everything out. Hopefully be back at work today and back to "normality".