Every Day Is A Second Chance

Just another quick one LB regarding your post.

I use to as a kid be one of them people who use to flush the birds out of the bushes. A Bush Beater my official title, the shooters were the higher echelons of the Airforce and I use to get it mixed up between pheasants and peasants as us kids were always the latter .. ☺

Ok, diary dearest. Time to unload...had the clawing feeling of anxiety last night. Haven't felt it for ages. It was a physical feeling in my stomach, it's here again now as I type this. I want to get this out of my head so I'm giving it to you. I'm not sure I've really felt it quite so physically before, but I guess that's because I would have avoided it before...run away...stuffed it down...chinged it away. Didn't want to do any of those things, so took my own advice and sat with it. I didn't like that. Sitting with it was hard.Really hard. Going around and around in my head. Off to sleep, then waking up with it sitting there waiting for me...rinse and repeat. Over something and nothing. w*f?

I didn't have to dig. I knew where it came from. It was back to the little girl sitting on the stairs listening to the war errupting between the two people who were meant to love and protect her, the girl in the playground uncertain of her friendships and desperate to be liked, the mum of the weird kid not invited to the coffee mornings, the wanting to be loved, the disconnection between the reality and the emotions, the not being able to see the reality of my past, not yet being able to reconcile the childhood feelings with the truth of what actually was, an adult knowing that I was loved but with a child inside who didn't feel it. It wasn't what had happened. It wasn't about another person or anything that was said. It was about my reaction to events. I don't know why it sparked that reaction. Maybe I do. I suppose I felt vulnerable. I kind of view here as my safe place, and it suddenly seemed different. I'd recently been thinking of putting some other stuff on here which I'd been hesitating about. In an instant last night I retreated away from that. I think I realised that other people read this and will have opinions and make judgements.I so want to be at the point where the opinions of others don't affect me, but I'm not there yet. There was an impulse to delete and run, but I quickly changed that thought. I'm here. I've put this on here. I feel a bit better. I feel clearer. Going to take a break from thinking for a while. Thanks diary. You're a good listener x

HI again !, I just re read your post to me and I am so sorry I made you feel bad , I saw it as a disscusion but in hindesight I can see that I was really giving you some stick , I new that your sister had passed away due to cancer but not your father as well , as you know my dad also died at quite an early age of cancer and I'm very aware of how that affects us , so looking back that was an insensitive thing for me to say .

For some reason my emotions have been running high just lately , not suprising I suppose thinking about how long they've been hidden away while gambling . A few things have happened at work as well this week , dealing with a member of staff who's just left , also a couple of lads who were being very racist to one of my customers and some guy trying to pass off forged notes for the 3rd time in two weeks ! . So a bit up and down really but still no excuse for being an Ar.se !.

Anyway sending you a big bouqet of cyber flowers , hope there your favourites !. xx

Both Al and LP. I think because we've bottled our emotions up for so long, that every now and then we have a emotion spurge. Eventually im hoping they become more regulated. My theory for today.

Yet I still think you both should buy some multi grain and feed the birds...

ps... have you got a job for me then Al? ☺

Whoa, easy tiger!! What are your qualifications? Alan ' s doesn't need a therapist prepping food..☺

Ok, you win. The jobs yours as I've come a close 2nd again for a job for the 2nd time today.

From the multi limbed serial bird killer.

But I hate to burst your bubble, the decision is Al's

Oh well in that case , if I helped you I'd better have the flowers back then ! LOL ! Seriously though I think we all have deep rooted feelings and when someone ( usually Me ) or something touches s raw nerve we unload a bit , me definitely ! On a funnier note it has made me laugh just by not mentioning names , how many have come forward to say " is it me your talking about " ? Reminds me of Carly Simon and the lyric " I bet you think this song is about you ". LOL! As for the job , I've interviewed Paul and that's a no no and TBH I think your far too nice for the position , Sorry ! Take care. X

Sorry I did reply to your last post but put it on my page , duuuurh ! X

Hi
I understand yr reluctance to post all. It's only more recently I've felt at ease posting more freely.

Well done for sitting and for posting. Positive steps.

Geek point - re sitting with emotions. I think I didn't clearly understand before that emotions/feelings are bound up in physical sensations. Or, they ARE physical sensations. Guess its obvious to most - maybe I just never thought....or maybe I was so repressed....

Anyway when sitting with an emotion, it can help to focus attention on that sensation-the burning cheeks, tightened chest whatever. Really try to experience that sensation fully without struggle. Be curious and explore it.

Sounds weird but its interesting and I've had some quite dramatic results (although u shouldn't use that technique specifically to 'get rid' - as that's another, sneaky form of avoidance! 😉

Best
Louis

Great post LB, can relate to that awful sick dragging panicky feeling in the stomach, I get it as soon as I wake sometimes:((

It's like we feel terribly guilty about something, and yet in reality we have nothing now to feel guilty about;))

Please keep venting your thoughts on your diary, it does help, and I don't believe anyone judges anyone on here, we are all on that

same rocky boat:)) take what you want from here and discard the rubbish:))

Thanks for your lovely message yesterday, am doing just fine lol, and so are you my friend.

Remember small steps are the sure way to keep moving forwards, we are not in a rush:)))

Take care and don't let any bugs bite, lol.

Suzanne xxx

Hi LB

re your post to me an physical sensations - deep breathing is definitely recommended. In fact, Russ Harris refers to the process of accepting emotions as 'expansion', rather than acceptance. He has quite a specific process which involves firstly observing the feeling - try to notice the phsyical dimensions, pulse, closeness to surface etc, then 2 try and 'breath into it' - this might seem a bit abstract but interpret as you want, then try to expand the feeling as much as you can so you fully accept it.

The point of ACT is not to get rid of it. If you try to you, you will struggle in other ways and it will come back anyway. The idea is to be wiling to experience emotions for what they are - when doing this they often go (as it happens). The Happiness Trap has some very good sections on this - hell of a lot better than I can explain.

I agree re the fight of flight point. It served a purpose a long time ago but doesn't suit our present, over stimulated world. We generally don't have physical threats but our mind still reacts with perceived danger in the same OTT way, our minds obviously can't evolve in time.

I've found acceptance quite successful and the main suffering around these emotions was the struggle wiht the emotion, rather than the emotion itself. So I don't think you can be harmed from experiencing emotions - although I'm certainly not suggesting it's a walk in the park, but I don't see it as harmful.

That's a really interesting point re positive emotions. To be honest, I haven't really been on the look out. I'm guessing that generally we don't struggle with positive emotions so we let them be, they wash over us and we don't necessarily notice? That said, I remember when gambling, when I got good news and I often fel the need to 'celebrate' with a gamble. Suggesting mayble I couldn't even handle good emotions - certainly any excuse will do.

I appreciate your interest and thoughts LB - a breath of fresh air given recent goings on.

Best

Louis

Just read this and loved it...

"And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure if the storm really is over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about"

LB x

Walking through the Perfect Storm........

Thats been my Tangent today.............

A nice share LB.... My Hungarian pal's theory is making more sence, its all about energy. We are all One!!!

Hi LB,

Errr...maybe you have some thruth in those words you posted to me but i don't think i accept it myself. As you know, language and "wise" words can help someone...but i learned that they doesn't work if we don't want them to work...& i, don't want to apply this to me.
Taking it steady, i pulled through the storm this time, next storm is another battle...I'm getting nowhere if I'm honest and i kinda accept that...i looked in my soul, i looked outside it and it's just the same as many moons ago.
I don't really like to hear words "you're getting there" or " i will be there when you get there"...hmmm...i am not
Reaching any destinations...if i would - i wouldn't self destruct continuesly ☺

Hope this makes sense, but I'm thankful for your thoughts as usual.

Keep wining and claiming ur life bk.

Sandra x

Hi again
Just thought more and wanted to get down..

When I talk about willingness to experience difficult emotions-its not out of some wish to punish myself!

But struggling with emotions=avoidance which stops us being who we want to be.

Eg i wanted to connect better with others and be more open. Yet my unwillingness to experience social anxiety led me to avoid certain social situations important to me. This perpetuated my isolation...and my sa. Avoidance could be sneaky -I used to arrange tennis matches in mid afternoon so I didn't have to meet my gf's friends!

I realise it was my unwillingness to experience anxiety. So I started really trying to be willing to experience it before meeting up- actually 'bringing it on'.

Its made a big difference. I still get it but try and lean into it.

Sorry For going on and on. No need to reply its helping clarifying for my self.

Cheers

Louis