Hi gf, I'm really glad that you are continuing with your counselling, diary and recovery. If you had not done this you would be carrying around those feelings for so long. It would be affecting you and your future. As you say guilt, self esteem are all affected. Regardless of staying or leaving we also have to recover. It's a massive insight into ourselves and you have been brave enough to do it. 'I take my hat off to you'! Hold your head high!
36 days single today - Still smarting somewhat from all the lies and betrayal I had been on the receiving end of, it seems to have dented my confidence. In other ways I have become resolute to avoid getting into a relationship. I ended up neglecting my own wants and needs.
I must admit I am really starting to enjoy myself being single, spending more quality time with my kids, taking exercise, making new friends and updating my look. I feel so much better than I did when I was in the relationship. I let myself go, always worrying about money (his contribution was small) constantly having to put all my energy into getting him motivated just to do normal stuff. Always believing his promises that soon he will be working full time and earning a decent wage. At the time I really thought I was happy, but maybe I sensed he was holding something back, in the back of my mind I was afraid he would leave me anyway. I became more and more ill and life was less about me and all about him and his family, sacrificing my wellbeing trying to keep him well and on an even keel.
Just a word of warning - even if you keep the secret you are gambling from your partner, you cannot be the engaging, giving, loving person whilst obsessing about your addiction. You cannot be genuine, honest or supportive whilst gambling away all that you could be spending on the household or treating your loved one and enjoying fun times with them. Your mind will be elsewhere and even if they don't know about it they will sense something isn't right.
I consider myself to be in recovery just as much as my gambling ex, from now on my life is about me, my happiness, life goals and most importantly taking care of my kids.
This is a really thoughtful post, GF of CG, and thank you so much for posting. Without question, you are really going through the mill here but my goodness you are showing strength of character.
Your comments about compulsive gamblers really made me think and you are exactly right. No matter how gamblers try to hide it, it's not possible. Our partners deserve the best from us, because our partners give their best to us.
I think your post is required reading because you have eloquently described the view from the other side of the fence; from a loved one's perspective, a loved one who doesn't and didn't deserve a life like this.
Yet, and here's a message to those of us sincerely wanting to tame this destructive habit, we can do something about it before it's too late. Open up, be honest and take on the help to help us help ourselves. It's such a big price to pay otherwise, the collateral can be heartbreaking.
GF of CG, you are doing great and I truly wish you well. Thanks again for a post that really drives home the consequences of not dealing with this insidious addiction. All the very best to you!
Mixer
Yep I have to agree with mixer that's a lovely post and look how thing's have changed not only for yourself but your whole mindset in 36 day's :))
Don't be afraid anymore , your becoming yourself again and as the saying goes " What doesn't kill us makes us stronger " , I feel like bursting into a chorus of " All the single lady's " right now but to be honest my voice isn't great and that would just be a bit wierd :))
Good for you :)) x
Hello all I just thought I would check in on day 43, I am feeling so much better now than I did all those weeks ago, still attending the gamcare counselling and making good progress. Yes there are still moments in the day where I think about him and all the lies, I don't miss him so much anymore. I realise the person I miss it not someone who has my best interests at heart and he wasn't being genuine with me. I am now concentrating more on my new life free from living alongside his addictive world. I am very pleased there are people fighting their gambling addiction and not just being passive about it. It gives me some comfort to know this. Some relationships can be saved, some cannot. Thank you MIXER and ALAN 135 for your responses. My vow of staying single is strong and I am concentrating on my kids and career 🙂
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