Feeling like a broken man.

Typicalme I’ve just had a scan through your diaries and I’ve noticed that you’ve been here for almost 6 years and going around in circles. You say you don’t know what to do but without being harsh you don’t seem to have tried anything yet?

Gambling doesn’t create winners it creates losers, losers like me and you , recovery creates winners. Winners are people who do. Not people who won’t .

This can all conclude today and recovery if you want it can start tomorrow. Know one can do it for you, but they can do it with you. Share your highs share your lows. It’s only when you share does this damm addiction start to make any sense.

If say you went to work and after a while they stopped paying you your wage how long would it be before you said no more? I’m guessing you’d quit on the spot

Well work stopped paying you ten years ago because the money is going straight to the bookie.

I’ve been where you are and it took me 20 years to even consider doing something about it.

Even after 14 months of being bet free I think about gambling every day. Only now I think about how I’m going to keep addiction at bay. I more or less spend an hour a day researching addiction. Reading posts on here or watching addiction videos on YouTube. In a way I’m getting paid to fix myself because the 500 pound a week I spent is staying with me.

If you put enough time into recovery as you do trying to find sites you’re yet excluded from you’ll breeze it.

A tip for the urge because no matter what they will come. When you get one stick some music on and walk as far as you need to.

I’ll keave it there for now and I hope I’ve given you at least something to go on.

Deano

Hi Deano,

Thanks for your reply. You are quite right in saying this has gone on for years. Too long really. I havent put enough effort in if im quite honest or committed fully to stopping.

So things have to change this time or otherwise the revolving door of addiction will continue to have a hold on me.

The first steps I will take are:

Set up direct debits for my debts and stick to paying them.

Refer myself to counselling again via gamcare.

Attend a gamblers anonymous meeting.

Self exclude from all the bookies.

Fill my time with more enjoyable things out of work.

I have been open and honest with my parents and will continue to transfer my wage into their account. I will make sure the only money I recieve is enough for the basic things such as travel, work, food.

I hope this can be the start of a succesful recovery.

Day one today don't feel great, very anxious and worried but its a start.

Some very powerful words. I have just joined and I’m trying to soak up as much information as possible about addiction... I hit rock bottom last night... and now I’m taking steps.... I’m worried that even after not gambling for so long you still think about it..., I guess this is the reality I will have to face..., all the advise you gave was spot on and I’m taking it on board so thank you, I’ve win 1000s and lost so much more and I now realise it’s a horrible cycle that I want to break!!! Any advise about day one of stopping are welcome as I’ve not moved from my bed or eaten!!! It’s going to be a long journey any advise

Gambled my life away today so down and no one will talk to me on this group so I’m going to leave ... sound so needy but am at rock bottom

Dogg, if you’re still reading...Click on Recovery Diaries & scroll to the bottom to start a new topic! The author of this thread has been on the site for 5 years which may put some people off of coming into this thread.

For both of you, try not to look too far ahead. There’s a better description in the GA orange book but breaking down recovery into days, or minutes/seconds if you need to, makes the journey easier.

FWIW I spent about 3 days in bed when I 1st realised I needed help. Drawing a line under my losses & accepting that I can never gamble again has meant that I don’t struggle with urges anymore.

Addiction preys on our weaknesses, take it’s strength away by following through on all the advice that you would give to someone else asking for your help - ODAAT

Hi Dog, please don't leave the site, as ODAAT suggests, start a new thread so that people can see and try to help. You've managed 3 days and reality has set in, don't give in now. Things can only get better if you keep gamble free.

Interested to know why the length of time i've been on the forum would put people off looking at my thread?

It may be because some people tend to follow others who are at roughly the same stage in their own recovery? Other than offer support if long term posters relapse, i wouldn't be comfortable commenting as I feel i don't have the experience to offer anything else. I kind of think people have been struggling for a long time have probably heard it all before, and i wouldn't be able to add anything useful. I do find it very useful to read people's experiences throughout the years though, positive and negative, all information is gratefully received. This is just my opinion, though, i hope it doesn't look like I'm trying to speak for anyone else.

Last night I said I wouldn’t come back on this group and went back to gambling.... think I was looking for any excuse and nobody commenting gave me an out... sense then I spoke with my partner and told her what I’d been hiding however never showed her how much I have lost.... I can’t believe how supportive she was... currently I am & £4000 in dept to credit card (interest still going) I managed to win £11,000 last night... however it doesn’t feel like a win! The sight I used said they will process it on Monday and I’ve been looking at the pending withdrawal thinking I’ve got a bank roll should I go back and play! win or not my partner will leave me taking the kid! Now I have to fight my demons for three days!!! Have any of you been here before! And why do I need to constantly hit rock bottom before I stop

I think what velvet meant was if for example you are thin and join a gym there are guys lifting heavy weights can feel intimidating as your just starting out.... for me reading through the posts that have been sent by new starts and tenured is helping massively

I need as much help now as I did when I first started posting, if not more. Every relapse brings with it more problems and whether you are one day in or five years, each attempt kind of starts from the same point; total abstinence.

I know ive made mistakes, got regrets, could have done things differently and i'll always be my harshest critic. If I was to give up now because i've failed before then where would that leave me?

Day 2 without gambling today, head is still all over the place. Being back at work has helped today even though my job is quite demanding.

This time I want to do whatever it takes to stop and im trying to figure out how hest to go about that.

I have told my parents again about my problem/relapse and I have set up a debt management plan with stepchange.

Small steps but it's a start as is writing in this diary.

Typicalme thank you for sharing, your very strong the fact you made work speaks volumes about you I’ve not been at work in days because I couldn’t cope, one thing I’ve learned on this group is to take every day at a time... I’ve failed to be gamble free since I’ve joined yet people are still be surportive... congratulations on being two days gambling free... and setting up a plan right now your streets ahead of me... try and stay positive feel like a hypocrite saying that...

I didn’t suggest for one minute that you don’t but as Deano says, nothing changes if nothing changes & as Velvet says newer posters may not be comfortable making suggestions that have already been made.

Each attempt does start @ the same point but abstinence isn’t just the start, it’s the beginning, middle & end of successful recovery because people who believe they can go back to controlled gambling invariably end up in the same hole that they have just dragged themselves out of!

Good skills taking those steps, now you just have to keep up the momentum - ODAAT

I know what your saying ODAAT, maybe I was being a bit sensitive!

Just a quick post to say ive made it through the weekend gamble free. Ive been working which has helped keep me safe and give me something to focus on.

I have a long journey ahead of me that will be diffiucult at times and will require patience, honesty, positivity, and above all an acceptance that I am a compulsive gambler and that once I start I cannot stop. One day at a time I choose a better gamble free life.

I have a plan and a list of things that will help me achieve this and will write more as im able to tick things off.