Oops... I did it again...

Melonade

You are not alone....money and i have an equally unhealthy relationship. I have £50,000 + gambling debts, a broken marriage and a complete loss of faith in myself. I recently won £200,000 which solved my financial problems for a moment. I withdrew £30,000 from one account & £170,000 from another and went to bed that night with what i thought were my problems solved. That night i could not sleep.....rolling around sweating like the addict i am knowing that the money i have attempted to withdraw and claim as my winnings were so easily accessible again by cancelling the withdrawal.

So the next day......£170,000 was gone within a matter of hours. This is tuesday. I had withdrawn the money from the other account saturday so managed to stay away from that till wednsesday (hoping the transaction had been processed at this point). It had'nt by wednesday it was all gone. If i felt awful before, that was nothing. The weeks that followed i was chasing the impossible once again in the destructive manner that we all know. I know now, that winning that astronomical amount of money was the worst thing that could happen to me. That would have set any normal person up for life regardless of debt but it was just a number in the corner of my screen. The money never touched my fingers.

I want to change. Ive been a problem gambler for 17 years and it has become more and more destructive to my life & health as the years have passed. I cannot continue like this anymore & am making the changes neccessay to combat my access to addiction.

Fingers crossed

Thank you so much for sharing your story jspray1984. I fear I would of done the same as you. Many time I've gone to withdraw, it's pending, you go on and then cancel in a moment and think I can get more. I don't feel it's real money, as you said a number on the screen. Not until I go into my balance on bank does it become real. I felt I had a chance to try and redeem myself this month, not panic about having no money to go for dinner with friends. But I'm in exactly the same situation and now I'm just afraid the next pay day will come and I won't be able to control it. I haven't even got the strength to download any software or self exclude incase they give me any player bonuses. Which I should withdraw but I know that my thumb will take over and just spin the lot away. Sometimes I think about the rtp, and surely that must be fair and they must return my money.

My credit history is ruined, but I am trying to see that as a positive now. At least I can't gamble myself into more debt... just possible loose my house by not paying the mortgage. I can't do that.

We are all similar in both story & circumstance. I too was wary of self excluding from certain casinos in case of a 'bonus'. But theres no such thing as a bonus in a casino in our world. We are their bonus, & as long as we continue on the path we have been we will carry on lining the bookies long pockets whilst we continue to live in the terror of not knowing where to turn & how we are going to pay the next bill.

I am not going to patronise anyone....only last night i was gambling money i dont have. But tonight we can self exclude, cancel them bank cards & download the software to block out the misery that we have become accustomed to. We need to see the light around the corner and jump into it. Yes, we have messed up, but that was yesterday. Lets make tomorrow a new day, & a new start.

Hey. ..me again...
Didn't realise you had this post as well 🙂
All you're saying and feeling is perfectly normal love. ...
The bit about not closing accounts in case you get a bonus from babs !
Ok...so you probabally will...but what good will it do you love...you'll only play it through...you might increase on it..but....you won't withdraw it...because we cant. ...we cant stop...not untill we reach the decision that we want to...
Give the helpline a ring love...honestly. ...you'll feel better for chatting with someone who understands..xxx

Have you tried to self exclude before? Or try the software?

I really want to give this up, I want to have the money to save and go and do something more than just make online casinos richer and richer. I was stupid enough to ask today if I was still a VIP on their site as hadn't seen any bonuses since about 3 weeks ago when I got £275 bonus. (Or a small proportion of MY money back) ... of course I spent that thinking I could get some more back. The chat rep said "your account is still VIP and we monitor your account and deem bonuses upon amount played"... So now I'm stupidly thinking there might be some money to come back this month. There I am all day just hitting send and receive awaiting a "bonus email"... it's so pathetic.

I got excluded for 3 months after getting very upset after wagering 12k in a month and not getting anything back. Of course they asked "do you feel happy about your losses" and I replied "no I don't!!" All of a sudden my account was shut. I felt desperate and I just wanted my money back. And shut out just like that.

Those 3 months were tough, I had dreams about winning and the slots but then soon started to fade. Then after 3 months, they let me back on. Won 5k from £200. It hit my account. Then went back again as I thought I was on a roll...

Loxxie wrote: Hey. ..me again... Didn't realise you had this post as well 🙂 All you're saying and feeling is perfectly normal love. ... The bit about not closing accounts in case you get a bonus from babs ! Ok...so you probabally will...but what good will it do you love...you'll only play it through...you might increase on it..but....you won't withdraw it...because we cant. ...we cant stop...not untill we reach the decision that we want to... Give the helpline a ring love...honestly. ...you'll feel better for chatting with someone who understands..xxx

Thank you for your advice 🙂 I will give the helpline a ring. Just being able to chat to people that understand on here has made massive difference. I could not tell anyone close to me. I couldn't face the disappointment and confusing looks.

I'm so sad I even go on the demo modes just to get a fix when I have nothing left....

I rang up babs site and said I wanted to PERMANTLY exclude...
The advisor offered me a six month limit...I insisted on life..
Felt great when id done it.....
Didn't use soft ware...
Used parental blocks via broad band provider...
Vip status is just a gimmick to make you feel special...
Bonus structures...all down to what you deposit...but on a scale that you need to deposit higher each time to get one...it's all very well planned by sites...

I must be self excluded to close to 50 online betting sites. There are just so many opening all the time. Like Loxxie said parental blocks are a good option. I have attempted the cheaper softwares but there always round things if you really want to.

You have to put 100% into putting up the barriers and aids to help stop you from gambling now whilst its raw and your hurting. Speak to people, dont hide away. Go to a GA meeting, Set up a meeting with a gamcare counsellor, do them all. I cannot encourage you enough. The easy thing for us to do is to think about doiing it but put it off. The more support you have and the more barriers you put in place the stronger your resolve will become. We can do this. You havent always needed this in your life? Ask your self the question. How many happy memories do you have from gambling??. I imagine like me they never end up happy.

Be strong. Talk

I have got through the day, still feeling very sick and worried if the little money I have will fed me till the end of the month.

Ive self excluded from sites now bar one, and all I'm thinking about is that bonus back. Again today desperately checking email to see if have any bonus I could withdraw so at least would just have a little more this month to live on.

Before I get paid I will then exclude from this site too, as I cannot trust myself with any more money. Hopefully then will feel relaxed and a lot calmer not having to stress day to day.

Every now and then the thought pops in my head about what I done. I feel so sick. But it's done.

Hi there.

Exclude from the last site! It's lile playing with fire. I am self excluded from most of them but when I want to (fail to fight urges) I do find new ones....& new ones...& new ones...always. blocking software would be good and i talk to myself here same as you.

We, gamblers can survive on very little since we don't see money as source of food/ clothes as you know yourself. There are food banks if sitiation becomes desperate.

Seek help..keep talking on here. Try free counselling GC offers. There is a way out, I haven't found it yet myself but I have one tiny hope left for picking smashed pieces and gluing my life back together.

Don't give up...youre WORTH better things in life

X

Thank you so much for your support. I can't shake the feeling of being pathetic at the moment, 30 mins of madness where I had talked to myself all last month saying this won't happen again as was so painful. And here I am again.

I feel so much self hate. Just got to get through it.

Thank you for all your support and advice x

No worries ☺

I am exactly the same..go a month and then - boom...go on a crazy gambling spree.

A lot to do with our mentality. That's the machine we need to start fixing first. Everything else follows!

You can do it and I can do it too.

Keep being kind to you and please look for support. One soldier in a field is not a soldier.

Just for today - stay safe

X

Ps. It's easy to hate oneself...lets practice self love as it brings more good emotions! Challenge for you - list good things about yourself and smile to the face looking back in a mirror ☺..these miracles does work!

I am having an ok day today. I guess been busy with work and haven't really thought about it. Thought would just check in.

Thank you Pasimetus. I am still struggling to find the positive. I'm just waiting for next pay day to try and get myself back on track in some form. I'd kinda given up caring on money and was almost self torture as I gambled it all away.

I've excluded from all other sites bar one which is dangerous. Im still hoping I get some form of bonus back to withdraw. I'm so paranoid that I almost think they know what I'm doing and that's why they haven't offered anything yet... I'm so desperate.

Keep fighting Mel. ..
I'm thinking about that bonus your hoping for....well....even if it does arrive...I'm doubfltfull you'll be able to withdraw it...usually they have to be played through...and we all know how that will end....
Just shut that one last site down love....it's your adduction wanting to keep a door to gambling open...payday will arrive again...youll day ...just a tenner. ..and you'll be in the same boat love....get those things in place now....while your skint...then when payday comes....you'll have a chance of keeping your hard earnt cash....xx