Festina Lente

Maisie in school now. Day 77, 11 weeks. Only numbers but they mean a lot to me for now. Everyday we don't gamble we get stronger, more confident, less depressed. I choose not to gamble today, we all have that choice. It's raining up here but I can see through the clouds. Going to have a good day, going to do something different, don't know what yet.

Got my match fishing tonight, can't wait, the rain'll keep the flies away. My forearms are still badly swollen from last week. Put a sailors cap on me and a pipe in my mouth and I become popeye, argh ga ga ga ga. invested in insect repellent spray, hope that works. One of my ambitions, after Maisie grows up, was to go and teach in sub Sahara Africa. No chance now I feel, I'd be eaten as soon as I stepped foot off the plane, just a dry husk lying on the runway below a swarm of flies. I must have dog muck flavoured blood or something irresistible. 77 days then, my next target is 90, roughly 3 months, calendar not lunar.

Take care all, I've got to know you somewhat over the past couple of months and I think you're all smashing. We're all in this together and our common enemy is gambling, keep focused and if you go the toilet make sure you don't keep missing (the men that is) cost me two marriages. Improve that aim and aim to improve, ciao

Hi Steve

You are mad (mean it in a nice way), love the way you think (dont mean you are stupid or silly) and so glad you are heading towards 90 days (dont mean that the 76 other days count for nothing).

Now, I have forgotten what I really meant to say!

Thats it, just wanted to say agree that the urge does eventually die down, some sooner than in others (dont mean to say if you still have urges, that you are weak or anything like that!!) and when they do, it looks like our journey takes on a differnt form, I guess more about maintenance, than repair, and I guess we have to find out for ourselves how to maintain it, some can do it by watching sports, for some that is a no-no. So, yes, my targets are still on track, money is still tight, but I really dont worry about things I can effect at this point, that is one wonderful lesson, I have learnt over the last 4 weeks, thanks for being a really supportive friend and wishing you a great weekend,

Thoughts

John (No offence meant in all of the above)

You can't hurt me John, life's beaten you to it! Suppose I am a little eccentric, the doctors say I'm no longer mad though thankfully, not since I've stopped eating my own faeces anyway. We're all great and supportive on this site that's what I like about it

I am told it tastes nice boiled and with salt, glad your off it though!

Bleurggghhh!

A very happy Day 77 or 11 weeks to you ste.

Its persisting down here, great weather for ducks!!!! Good luck with the fishing match tonight, Mystic meg or (septic peg as im known to my friends) predicts a place in the top 3, (there will only be 2 others there lol), But seriously good luck hope you do well, I would hide the spinich if i was you, I beleive its a band substance in the fishing world.

I think im 60 on friday im stopping counting then till 90, I can chair a G.A meeting then wooo hooo.. thats when you know you have arrived lol.

Enjoy your day, dont forget your packa mack !!!

Blondie 🙂 x

Happy birthday tomorrow Blondie,

actually thought you were much younger, this online thing can be very deceiving, could have sworn you were in your late twenties early thirties, well have a great day.

I stopped counting when I turned 40, myself

🙂

John

Must go and do some work now, enough time here!!!

hahahah thanks John.... I meant 60 days gamble free... lol... your putting 20 years on me... 🙂

Blondie.. the old granny dodder.. lol

Off fishing now and I must admit with my new army anti chemical weapon and nuclear suit (only £5, probably knock off!) on, I'm looking close to fantastic.

Night all, hope you're all well. 25 expectant fishermen, where will I come?

Ohhhhh the image in the suit is tooo much for me lol lol

I might have a walk over my local fishing lake and see if i can spot a man in army surplus waving his arms around fighting off the insects while standing in about 25 position !

Oj Steve, i'm sure you will do great and get up on that leaderboard

Enjoy

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy xxxx

Hi Steve,

I was thinking outloud on my post the other day really, but thanks 4 answering 🙂

I bet u look gr8 in that suit lol

Good luck 2nite with the fishing, hope u do well 🙂

Hi all I'm back, it absolutely poured down tonight and worst of all I forgot my brolly. Had to sit on my milk crate for four hours, shivering wet. My super, duper, army pooper suit can survive a nuclear and chemical blast but leaks in water everywhere so I got drenched. It was miserable, I was coming last right to the very end when I caught a 6lb carp, this catapulted me into third place and I went home smiling.

So Lucy put that in your pipe and smoke it, I beat 23 other fellas and I won the best turned out prize. Heavy rain equals no flies, equals no bites so I'm happy with that too, although I did buy 'jungle approved' insect repellant and secretly I was dying to give it a go.

Got out of my wet clothes and I'm back in my spiderman pyjamas, I'm going to sleep on the ceiling tonight. Isn't life just brilliant, the prize money will go towards Maisie having a pedicure (ungrateful little mare) I promised her this 'treat' if she could do a hundred skips, it was either that or carry on playing tag with her around the garden. She's a big lump of a girl but I still cant catch her which is annoying. She just laughs and calls me 'pegleg' and 'limpy.' I haven't been called 'limpy' since my ex wife ran off with her fitness instructor. Strange that because that was before the accident and I never had any trouble walking then, can't work that one out at all. Anyway I hope she and her 20 something beefcake, all tan and teeth are happy. I got the last laugh though when I last saw her she looked exhausted, and I could see right through that smile which lit up her flushed face. Never knew she smoked either....

Anyway, I never gambled so there Mr. Bookmaker and I want to keep this up as long as possible. Which incidentally were the last words I said to my ex wife before she left me.

Steve, over but not out.

Day 78, and I know for certain that today I will not gamble. These past 78 days have been brilliant in the sense that it's given me time for healthy reflection on my relationship throughout my life with gambling. To be honest it's brought me nothing but sadness. It either slowed down my development or altered the course of my life. I'm not living in regret though but sometimes I wonder what type of person I'd be if it wasn't for gambling. Yet I could say the same for drugs, booze and for having a care free attitude. Probably naive I guess without any life experiences.

Back in my youth I was a budding artist, doing well in college. Too many vices then though, pouring money into the fruit machines and then after one binge I had the drunken idea to stick my whole terms grant on trap one at the dogs. It wasn't a tip or a fancied dog just a whim, for the excitement really. It lost of course which resulted in me, when sober, deciding to pack my bags and head to Brighton in search of work and money. My college career was deferred through a bet. After a couple of years in Brighton I was an account manager at FCB advertising agency in London, brilliant job but after an exceptional bank holiday (Aug 31, 1991, forever etched in my mind) gambling binge, I went into mental meltdown and left London/Brighton in search of pastures new. Ended up in France with a girl that I loved at the time, all was well but something was not quite perfect either. Everyday I'd jog around the town, taking different directions each day with a pocket full of francs burning a hole in my shorts. Yet nowhere in that large town could I find a betting shop. France, at the time, had a rich culture, which didn't nurture gambling as we do in this country. It couldn't last and I came home to what I know and love the best. Nearly died through gambling too, after borrowing a different girlfriends car I went to a bookmakers to see how my eight horse Goliath was doing. I parked up and went into a bookmakers in a nearby rough area. My first five horses had won, and I watched the 6th and 7th win too. All rested on the 8th which promptly got beat. Not feeling too calm I left to find my car surrounded by beer drinking youths from the adjacent pub. About 8 of them. Words were said by a few of them to me, drunken insults, which resulted in me, already pi*sed off, slugging one of them in the face. Naturally all hell broke loose, I was 'lucky' that day to escape without serious injury but in the melee the car was smashed up and I lost a flip flop. (don't fight in flip flops, you look pathetic and they're quite restrictive). I could go on and on how gambling has followed me around like a bad f**t poisoning my outlook on life and dictating its outcomes. The worst times are those you don't remember. The years spent away, cut off from everyone just feeding your addiction, the isolation, the lack of ambition to do other things, the social deprivation. Despite this as I said earlier, I regret nothing instead I'm just really glad I've reached this point of understanding and reflection now. I've still got a future, one where I know myself better. I have control, hope and calmness. I feel content and I'm not looking for something through gambling, I have all that I want and need. That realisation is priceless and if it cost me my past to achieve that then so be it, I'm pleased with that.

I'm going to have a good day today, it's not what you do but how you do it. I'm not going to gamble today, what is the point? What can I hope to achieve? Nothing of true value, everything valuable to lose. Whatever life throws at me today I'll not break that resolution.

Good day to you all, keep strong, focus on the positives and take care, Steve clean as a whistle for 78 days.

steve. Fella you have captivated so so much in that post, there is so much we as compulsive gamblers give to our addiction whilst at it, we trully cant see the wantem destruction it causes and only when in recovery we see this do i believe that we can remain in arrest of it. My friend that post for me would be in the gamcare hall of fame, great inspirational insight, thanks so much for sharing. Duncs stepping forward never back. Keep making that choice just for today. No bet.

Morning,

What a honest , inspiring post.

Puts a slightly different prospective on our addiction.

As most I feel hold sooo many regrets and anger over how gambling has effected there past , present and future.Blameing gambling for everything that was, is, or could be wrong in themselves or there lives. For myself I see that as unproductive . I like you feel that it has shaped me into the person I am, I am slowly ( at a snails pace I must add, )starting to like the person i am becoming but for a long time I have not held that anger or what ifs ,to me it is what it is.

Anyways well done for coming third again and this time without the fairy dust , good on you mate.

You take care...

Dusty xxxxxx