The first memory of me starting to gamble was when I was about 12-14 years old when my mums boyfriend (not anymore) used to let me put football accumulators on at the weekend with my £2 pocket money. Also I was sometimes aloud to watch him play poker and slots on his laptop, and occasionally I was able to click the spin button.
At the time I just saw this as fun at the weekend (obviously now I can see the bigger picture that this was wrong). We used to watch all of the football scores come up on bbc and I remember getting feelings of euphoria.
Little did I know that 15 years later I would be in the mess I am today.
I don’t really remember this having much of an impact on me through high school and college because I used to sit on my Xbox the majority of the time when I was at home playing a game called Fifa (football game).
On this game you could (and still can) build your team up by opening packs of random virtual cards by using in-game credits or using real life money. In hindsight this was also a form of gambling and most likely papered over the cracks of the football bets/slots and online poker I was introduced to at the age of 12-14.
Moving on from college I didn’t find a job afterwards so I signed up for Jobseeker’s Allowance (now called Universal Credit). I used to receive this on a fortnightly basis which was somewhere in the region of £110-£140 (I can’t remember the exact amount). Throughout this period of my life this is where my gambling started to become a problem for me.
Between the ages of roughly 17-19/20 I would at times go through a cycle of when I get paid I would stay up all night playing online slots thinking to myself that I will eventually get a big win but guess what… that big win never came. I would occasionally have some sizeable wins but it would always be used again to try and win even more.
Looking back I can see that I was actually very lucky to have my mum to support me financially during these times and to keep a roof over my head. Just to give you an outlook about family life, we were just a normal working class family, just on the bread line.
Also during this period of my life I would have to attend meetings with a job officer to prove I had been looking and applying for jobs when eventually she found me a job at a local McDonald’s where I would eventually work for 5 years.
At McDonald’s I started as a crew member and worked my way up to becoming a shift manager. When I first started I thought the gambling would just stop because I would have more money coming in and wouldn’t have a reason to gamble. I was very wrong…
My gambling over these 5 years got even worse and I started to bet on sports more and more. I would bet on any sport, even ones I didn’t even know about, from squash to table tennis, basketball to volleyball, I would see the odds and just press on them and place the bets, one after the other until I had to money left. I would always keep this a secret whilst doing it which is why I’d always do it late on at night and depending how it went I could still be awake in the morning.
There we’re times during these 5 years where I would be able to stop for months at a time but there would always be something in my head dragging me back to it like an anchor. I would always blame it on the stress of my job because there wasn’t a day that wasn’t stressful working at McDonald’s (especially once I was promoted to shift manager). Whilst I was working here I would eventually find my first proper girlfriend and although this only lasted around 6 months I would always try to hide my gambling from her, I was too scared to open up and tell her the truth about it.
Further on during my time at McDonald’s I met another girl and we have been together ever since (4 years). I have always found it hard to open up to her about my gambling but she does know that I have a problem with it after finding out on a few occasions. She has nearly split up with me because of this on multiple occasions. We have always spoken about wanting a mortgage and a house of our own but my gambling has always been holding us back. I love this girl to pieces and I’m so glad she has stuck by me.
Moving on from McDonald’s I got a job as a grocery delivery driver which I have had for the last 3 years. I thought this would help with my gambling because I used to blame it on the stress of McDonald’s and my way of being able to relax and have time to myself. I have since realised that that wasn’t the case. I have found over the last 3 years that staying busy and not having those few hours sat at home being bored is a better way of mentally blocking it out.
I have managed to stop multiple times in the last 3 years and I think the longest I went was about 13-14 months. As the days, weeks and months went on it got easier and easier to manage, when I drove past gambling shops or heard advertisements on the radio I would say things to myself like “No way am I going back to that” with a few swear words included. When I relapsed it was one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt with going so long without gambling. It hurt so much.
I have tried going to a gamblers anonymous meeting once but I really didn’t like it there, I was made to feel almost like a criminal which is why I am now looking for an alternative to help support me.
The reason I have joined these forums is because I’ve been looking for somewhere to share my story and to document my feelings to people who don’t know me so that it isn’t embarrassing for me. I’m hoping that this can help me stop for good this time by offering my support aswell as receiving it.
Sorry for this being so long…
If you’re still reading this I thank you so much for taking your time, I appreciate you hearing my story.
Hey!
I finally took the step to join here yesterday and today is my third day gamble free. Well done for expressing everything, it’s so brave.
with the motivation being here, you are obviously determined to get past this and I’m sure you can do it! I have chosen to take up additional exercise and getting healthy to fill my spare time and keep me busy, I hear it’s a good key to staying away!
I wish you all the very best in your journey and am always here if you need a chat, I’m here too as it’s easier to talk about it where nobody knows you. All the best x
Hi Ryan,
I’m in the same situation as you and have had a gambling problem for a while. I took a big step forward and last Thursday I signed up for GamStop which bans me on all betting apps and websites etc. It was a very hard thing to do but I already feel better for doing it, however this week is a real struggle as Cheltenham is on and I’m really trying to fight the urge to get down to a bookies and place my bets in person rather than on an app like I used to. I think if I can get through this week without doing so it’ll be a big achievement as today is my 5th gamble free day.
let me know if you want to chat about anything specific or even just to take your mind off wanting to place any bets
@harryc2000 Thanks for reading my post, after reading what you’ve wrote I can see that you have made a massive step, you should feel really proud of yourself for doing it! You mentioned that it’s really hard for you at the moment because of the Cheltenham Races, these days are the most important and hardest to make sure you don’t gamble. You should try distracting yourself with doing other things like going for a walk or any other hobby you have. Just take it a day at a time. Stay strong, it will get easier.
@haystack0915 Thanks for reading my story, I am also thinking about taking up exercise, this worked really well for me when I managed to stop for 14 months. I have downloaded the couch to 5k app on my phone and it looks really simple to get started. Keep strong and know that I’m always here for a chat aswell as lots of other people.
I joined today, I never saw my gambling as a problem until my Fiancé found out this week how much I was actually spending.
I don't really know what to expect or what I'm doing this is my first step to stopping the gambling habit. I have two young kids and a fiancé I love more than anything in the world but I feel I'm dangerously close to losing everything.. so having read your post I felt I could really relate...
@ryann thanks so much! I’m only on day 4, but the exercise motivation after work has helped keep me busy and therefore my mind away from gambling!
I hope you’re doing ok? I also looked at the couch to 5k, I might look into downloading the app and giving it a go.
Keep strong, you’ve got this!
@gooner1886 I’ve found that concentrating on small steps help a lot rather than thinking about debt you have or having regrets about what you’ve done. One thing you have to remember is you’re not a bad person, you’ve just got a problem. Just take it a day at a time at first. I’ve found that posting on here even once per day is really helping my mental health because it keeps renewing my brain to understanding I have a problem. Stay strong!
@haystack0915 Sounds like you’re making good progress! I’m doing good yeah thanks, I listen to Talksport radio whilst I’m at work usually and they have a fair amount of betting adverts on there. Usually I just listen to them and try to brush it off afterwards however I’ve started to just mute the radio for 30 seconds instead. This might sound stupid but it’s one of them small steps that will help me. Keep up the good work!
Amazing, it doesn’t sound stupid! It’s the small steps that I think will help us all best this!!
Ive actually started to take my AirPods and listen to my own music at work rather than the radio to avoid ads all together so I’m in the same boat.
you’re doing great, keep at it and posting daily to keep your mind on the target! I find the consistency of this site helps.
stay strong!
It really does help by consistently posting, I have noticed that after only being here for 4 days. I haven’t managed to start on the couch 2 5k app yet because I’ve been working but plan to start it soon. I’ve been keeping myself busy which I think is the best thing to do. Using air pods for your own music is a great idea however with my job being driving I can’t do that. Stay strong!
Hi
Being in the recovery helps us get focused on healthy habits.
Over time to try and recognize any emotional triggers that come up, pains fear frustrations, loneliness and boredom.
It is possible to listen to music with out ear pods on.
By our sharing our selves we get to understand more about our selves.
In the old days I use to suppress my feelings and emotions up and then have a huge burst of unhealthy reactions.
Working and planning gets me focused on healthy gaols.
Keep being productive and healthy.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
@gadaveuk Hi, thanks for reading my story.
I think one of the main problems for me is boredom and not having any plans for my days off work. I have a day off work today so this would usually be more tricky than a day in work. Today I plan to stay busy and not have those moments where I’m sat doing nothing.
Hi Ryann
Yes for me boredom was a big emotional trigger.
I use to get stressed out Saturday mornings because it was my gambling day.
My wife how I was and I was honest with her I am getting stressed due to the fact it was Saturday.
She told me to get my jacket on.
We left the home and found a ten pin bowling alley and played several games.
Then every Saturday that is what we did.
The simple fact a day I use to fear turned out to be a day I looked forward to.
No one was stressing me out, I was living in fear of Saturdays and that was not healthy for me or my recovery.
Last week asked me if I ad a single bet now would I be able to stop at one bet.
No matter how confident I am today I am not willing to put my healthy life at risk today.
One time I was asked if I knew that I had a bet I would win a million would I have that bet.
It is not about the money, I now know that when I gambled I did not get better in fact I got more and unhealthy.
How much is my life worth today.
It was very important to keep busy with healthy habits.
It was very important for me to keep writing down my needs my wants and my goals.
I found it difficult to become self sufficient in healthy ways.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
@gadaveuk That was a really good read, when I have a day off work on a weekend whether that be a Saturday or a Sunday, I see that as a dangerous day for me. Most of the time I get through them by playing on my Xbox but I’ve slowly realised that this can also be a trigger for me.
One of the things that has made me relapse before is whenever there’s a massive event on, whether that be the Golf Masters, Tennis Wimbledon or anything like that, my brain is trying to tell me “you have to have a bet on this because it’s a massive event” which is a bit weird in its self but I think if I’m out doing something instead then there won’t be that moment on my head where I think that, such as you going to bowling.
I will definitely start to plan more things on my days off, especially at the weekends.
Keep strong!
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