I have been gambling since I was 15 I am now 28. It started with a flutter on the fruit machines on my break from work. But to be honest I think it started much earlier when I was going to the bingo with my gran (back when kids where aloud in). It was great seeing the happy faces off the winners it was exciting. I got a job in the bingo when I was 15 and I that's when it started to go downhill. I've never noticed a problem before now. Well I have but I've been in denial. Today I am stopping this. I feel totally drained I'm forever borrowing money and not paying bills with it. I just don't know where to start. I have put a blocker on my phone and will make a point to keep busy for around an hour before bingo start time. I am also making a point of handing over my finances to my sister. I don't know if I should delete my online banking app so I can't see my balance. Well here is hoping this is the start of something new and positive. Thanks if you have read this.
X
Looks like you are on the right road by admitting you know you have a problem.
I have been on and off gambling for about 20 years now. Keep posting on here, it does help when you look back at what you have achieved. My new saying to myself is gambling will only make you happy for a short time, if you win that is. Staying gamble free will make you happier for longer!
Very best of luck!
Dickyo
Hi dickyo, thanks for replying. You are totally right when you say it's a short lived happiness. I was really nervous about this as it is scary to think I really do have a problem but I can't go on like this. I've become a compulsive liar and that's not the person I want to be. Everyone knows I like the bingo and some online gambling but only 1 close friend knows the extent of it and how I could be sitting with my last £20 with nothing coming for days and still gamble it knowing fine well the feeling of disgust and hatred towards myself after it. I want my wages to be my own and to have control over my life again. I plan on entering in this diary also going to find a meeting to go along to (hard as I work shifts) but I will find one that suits I'm sure.
I know it's a long hard journey ahead but hopefully I can stay strong and battle this.
Sorry for ranting but this is the first time I have been able to say what I feel.
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Welcome to recovery amyjaysmith1010...For someone who didn't know where to start, looks like you did a pretty good job of it 🙂
Getting your gambling triangle (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) broken is the best barrier & meetings are a brilliant idea! You may even want to consider the counselling offered by Gamcare, I have heard many people say how useful it is & it may slot in on the days when you are working in the evenings!
You never need to apologise for 'ranting' on here...It's your diary & as long as you don't get caught out by Admin using crazy words like h1ll or cr4ck you'll be fine 😉 Most of us know that feeling of gambling away our last penny knowing that bills or withdrawals are going to hit our accounts, sometimes thinking it is the only way out & yet hey, what do you know, we lose & we survive anyway! Compulsive lying comes with the territory, even if we just lie to ourselves because we've allowed gambling to get in the way of our relationships! I don't want to be 28 again but I wish if had your sense @ that age!
It is a long hard journey but it's the best journey I've ever taken! The only regret with recovery is not doing it sooner...Time to get your life back - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT, thanks for replying.
Yeah it makes sense to lose one in the gambling triangle. If you don't have one then you can't gamble I've never thought of it that way before. It's brilliant to know I'm not alone in this. And I'm not a failure just unfortunate that I now can't control my gambling. It's not fun anymore. I have been reading some diaries and by god it does help you feel included. I'm so glad I have taken this 1st step to recovery.
I know it's going to be a long hard journey and the real first obstacle I'll have to overcome is payday.
X
It's been 3 days! I'm starting to feel a bit more confident about having the ability to beat this! One more day down. Let's face tomorrow.
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It's now nearly a week since my last gamble but I am starting to struggle. It's all I'm thinking about! I have been able to keep myself distracted this far so can only take one day at a time.
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Your doing so well keep it up your going to get thoughts about gambling if you do keep busy come on here and post just make sure you put some blocks in place to make it difficult to given in to the urges.
Hi oldhamktf, thanks for replying.
I'm not gonna lie and say I found it easy but I have managed to not give into it so far. I have the blockers in place so I can't get onto anything. I managed to keep myself busy the past few days. The urges I must admit are getting stronger but I have been coming on here to distract myself amongst other things.
It's been a week so far!
One day at a time.
X
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